Nothing to report

I've gotten derailed recently due to things going on with my family.  It's hard to make myself a priority when I'm trying to make sure everything else is alright.  I will be back, no worries, we just have to get through a rough patch! 

TGIF!

I don't know about you guys, but this week has been DRAGGING for me!  If I'm being totally honest, I very much thought about not going to my meeting last night.  But, I knew that wouldnt' be the best decision, so I went, and I actually showed a small loss (surprisingly!).  Down .8, which is almost a pound, which is progress.  Something is better than nothing!

I'm trying to play catch-up with so many of your blogs... I have hundreds of unread items in my reader! I'm sad to hear that some of you have been having some tough times in your personal lives.  I hope things get better for you soon!  My family and I have also been having some struggles lately, though I won't detail them here.  I've been focused on these other issues and haven't made myself a priority.  I'm a "fixer".  I like to make things better & solve problems for others, and when I do that, my own problems get put on the backburner.  I know this is an issue I definately need to work on--to make myself a priority.  And that knowing that even if I make myself a priority, it doesn't mean that others can't be a priority too.

Planning is so key to my success, so I'm making a goal to plan plan plan next week in order to get myself totally refocused.  I got some really sage advice in a comment on my last entry--"instead of going to McDonald's I should just grab an apple or something".  It was interesting to me that it was just assumed that because I'm obese, I must be drive-thru hopping like CRAZY!  Ah, gotta love the common misconceptions about us fatties!  Sense any sarcasm, ladies?  :)  At any rate, like I said, I'm going to make an effort to plan like crazy (and hopefully try out some new recipes) this week!

I hope you all have a great weekend!  I probably won't be around much, as we've got a wedding to attend, then we've also got Father's Day stuff to do!  See you next week!

Two years later

On April 15, 2008 I wrote a letter to myself on here.  I revisited it today, because I really need a reminder.  I'm struggling.  I hate that it's a month into my journey, and already I am struggling to keep my head above water.  Last week was a huge gain, and if I'm being honest, this week will probably negate just about any progress I made in the last month.  So, a reminder of this old letter I wrote will serve as today's entry.

Dear Old Self,



On August 22, 2007 I took a vow to leave you behind. At first it was easy. I was motivated to find the New Self, and I walked away from you pretty much without even looking back. I gave up your desire for greasy McDonald's, daily candy bars, and calorie-filled, sugar-loaded pop. New Self was winning the battle, and pounds dropped off. I think New Self lost 30 pounds in 3 months. It was a great ego boost, let me tell you. New Self was kicking Old Self's ass.


Around Thanksgiving time, Old Self, you tried to sneak your way back into my life. I tried to remain strong & remember how great New Self felt, but you were trying your hardest to be the boss in my life again. I fought back hard too though, and even though I didn't lose like I had been, I still came through the holidays weighing less than I did at the beginning of them.


The new year came, and New Self was feeling lazy and tired... you are a figher, Old Self... You were really fighting to win my life over again, and I felt exhausted from fighting you! I went through some tough times in my personal life starting in January, and New Self started to feel defeated. Why bother? New Self tried to at least hold on a little through the storm, but Old Self, you seemed to be getting stronger.



Eventually New Self gave up. New Self was tired of fighting and it was easier to just back down and let you take charge again. I thought that New Self had totally hit the road, never to be seen again. Old Self, you have been ruining my life. You have got to go. I'm not happier with you around, and I'm certainly not healthier. Sometimes we keep old friends in our lives just because they've been there for so long. They might not be the best thing for us anymore (maybe they never were), but we feel attached to them in a very strong way. Well, Old Self, you are not my friend anymore. It's time to say goodbye.
I think in August, I really just said "see ya later" to you, but this time, I have to say goodbye for good. We can't meet again in the future, not if I want to be a healthy person and have New Self in my life. We have to close this chapter. You've been a close friend, Old Self, but I can't say you've been a "good" friend. You've been there for me when others weren't, but I know New Self will eventually be stronger than you ever were. It will just take time for New Self to thrive. But the good news is that even though you returned, New Self didn't really abandon me like I thought. Somehow, New Self held on through the rough waters lately, because she wants to be my best friend now.


New Self has grown her wings. It's time to fly.


Teale

Good, Bad, Ugly

The Good:
-Today I am back on track.

The Bad:
-I have not been on track for about 10 days.

The Ugly:
-I gained 4.2 pounds last week.

I don't know where my head has been!  First I was PMS-ing and wanted to eat crap, then I was on my period & bloated & wanted to eat crap, and I just didn't say no!  So for about 10 days, I haven't tracked, I haven't exercised, I haven't grocery shopped, I haven't done well.  So while I know my 4.2 pounds is due to that, I also know that (hopefully) some of that is related to period bloat.  But I know it all isn't cuz I've been eating my weight in junk lately.  The good thing though, is that I went to my meeting on Thursday and faced the music. 

I haven't been reading anyone's blogs, and I hope to play major catch-up today.  Thanks to those of you that checked on me!

Busy week!

I've been away for awhile... which usually is never a good sign.  Been a rough week.  Very busy, and inefficient planning on my part.  WI is tomorrow... will be back then to write a real entry.  In the mean time, I've got lots of catching up to do, you guys write like crazy!

Giveaway Winner!

Congratulations to Brandi at La Vida Subida for winning my very first contest! She was chosen using random.org. Shoot me an email, Brandi and let me know your mailing address so I can get these out to you!

Thanks to all who participated!

Shock and Awe

Well after my not so good Memorial Day weekend, I was prepared for a small gain, or at least maybe maintenance this week at weigh-in. I was resigned to the fact that I'd just have to work a little harder next week to make up for it.

So imagine my surprise when the scale was down 1.6 pounds! I was so surprised! That makes a total of 14.6, so next week I should be crossing the 15 pound mark! That's definately some great progress for 4 weeks in!

As happy as I am with my loss, a part of me wishes I'd had some kind of consequence for eating crap. That sounds weird, I know, but it's like if I ate crappy & still lost, I don't want it to get in my head that that's an acceptable thing & will always happen if I eat junk for the weekend. I just gotta keep my head in the game & stick to it!

This Sunday is the WW Walk-It challenge. I guess for a couple months they've been encouraging people to train to walk or run a 5K. I obviously haven't been doing that since I just started (nor did my old meeting tell us anything about it), but I'm going to walk 5K in my neighborhood on Sunday, just to prove that I can. Once I drop some more weight, I'm going to give the C25K program a shot. We'll see how it goes!

Oh, and there's 3 more hours to enter my first giveaway, so head on over and enter to win!

My First Giveaway! (CLOSED)

Today I'm hosting my very first giveaway! My fear is that NOONE WILL ENTER! Hopefully that's not the case & this giveaway will appeal to a few of you & you'll humor me & enter:)



Today, I'll be giving away 25 Weight Watchers food coupons! See for yourself:

The winner will receive 5 sheets of coupons, totalling the following:
(5) Save $1 on any 5 WW yogurt cups
(5) Save $1 on any 1 WW cheese or cream cheese
(5) Save $0.55 on any 1 carton of WW frozen novelty products or 2 WW ice cream cups
(5) Save $0.50 on any 1 WW by Whitman's bagged chocolates
(5) Save $0.75 on any 1 Jolly Time Healthy Pop popcorn


You may enter in the following ways, leaving a separate comment for each:
1. Tell me your favorite low-calorie snack item. It doesn't have to be WW affiliated.
2. Follow my blog via Google Friend Connect (see the sidebar to follow!)
3. Subscribe to my blog via a feed reader, such as Google Reader
4. Follow me on Twitter (see sidebar)
5. Add me on Facebook (see sidebar)
6. Promote this giveaway on your blog or via your facebook & leave me a link showing me you did so!


Don't forget to leave your email address so I can contact you if you're the winner! You have until Friday, June 5 at noon (central time!) to enter. A winner will be chosen at that time & posted shortly after noon on Friday!


Good luck to everyone!


*Full disclosure: These coupons were given to me at my WW meeting. I was provided them by my leader for my personal use, and I'm choosing to gift them to one lucky reader!

The Ugly Truth

The funny thing about having a blog is that you really monitor how much you disclose to your audience. So if there are things I don't want to share about myself, I don't. And if I screw up & never posted about it, none of you would ever know. But I would. So, it's confession time: this weekend was not pretty.

To start off with though, I did do some things right. I started out strong.

Friday my husband and I went out for dinner & I got shrimp kabobs with cajun lime seasoning at TGIFridays. It came with a side of broccoli. And I started off with a big salad, dressing on the side. It was a really great, healthy meal, so I didn't feel guilty when I ate the dessert that came with my meal. I had room in my plan for it that day, and so I enjoyed it. After our dinner, we had to go to a graduation party. Where they had delicious homemade bbq and fried chicken. AND CAKE. I sampled a few bites of the bbq, ate a little bit of the chicken (this was hours after dinner & I was a little hungry), then had less than 1/2 a slice of cake. It was like two bites. I went over my points for the day, but I had flex to make up for it. Overall, I thought I did OK on Friday.

Oh, a sidenote about Friday. I accidentally cut a woman off in traffic, and waved an apologetic hand in the air to let her know it wasn't intentional. This crazy broad tailgates me while honking her horn & shaking her fist, then when she's first able to, she whips past me, then cuts ME off, intentionally. I thought that was rude enough... then I change lanes because I'm turning at the next light & she continues to honk, lean out her window, and yell "FATASS" at me. Really? First of all, you can't even SEE my ASS from there, and second of all, what on earth does my fat ass have to do with my driving? I know I cut the lady off, but like I said, it was an accident. It's amazing to me that the namecalling doesn't stop when you're a kid, but that even some adults would be so rude as to scream out their window at me, just to be mean. I wish I could say that I brushed it off immediately, but her comment did kind of stick with me through the weekend & was in the back of my head the whole time.

Saturday I knew I would face some challenges as well, as I was having lunch with a friend, then we were going to see SATC2, then we were getting ice cream afterwards... at COLD STONE. Lunch I did really great on. I got soup & fruit salad and it was SO delicious. I wish I'd taken a picture of the fruit salad, it was amazing! So I was pretty proud of myself for eating at Atlanta Bread & getting something healthy! Next was the movie theater. I ate good at lunch because I knew I wanted to get a small popcorn. When I scanned the menu, I was surprised to find something listed as the "Healthy Pack". I inquired, and for only $4 I could get a little box with a bottle of water, a couple cups of popcorn, and a nutrigrain bar! I jumped on that, and it was the perfect little snack for the movies!

After the movies, it was time for ice cream. I played it safe & got a small dish of "sinless sweet cream" with sprinkles & lowfat caramel. It was tasty, and not overkill on points!

So, Saturday started out pretty strong.... but then came the cookout & margaritas... And I overindulged. One italian sausage, one cheeseburger, and four margaritas later... and I was feeling gross. It was too much & I went overboard, even though I was technically within points for the day. They weren't spent wisely.

Sunday didn't go so hot either. Our usual Sunday lunch is to get chinese. I usually do pretty well... but I didn't this time. Going overboard the night before caused an avalance for the rest of the weekend. So, I overdid it at lunch, then had ANOTHER graduation party where there was lots of tasty food, then I didn't put my foot down when my husband wanted pizza for dinner late Sunday evening. I didn't even write down my food. Bad Teale.

Monday was a full-on binge. I wanted brunch at a diner. I wanted ice cream. I wanted pizza. And I indulged. I tried to fight the urges, but ultimately, I caved. I felt sad for doing it & disappointed in myself for doing it. But then I gave myself a pep talk.

"Just because you went overboard this weekend does not mean you are going to continue going overboard. You are capable! There are always going to be holiday weekends, and sometimes you're going to splurge & give in to the temptation of junky food. As long as you get back on track tomorrow, it'll be OK. So maybe you'll gain this week, or maybe you just won't lose much... but there are going to be weeks like that! You have been going strong for 3 weeks and haven't had a single binge! This was your first holiday weekend on-plan, and you learned some things & will do better next time. This isn't the end of the world. You are capable!"

And so today? I'm plugging along & doing just fine. I've learned that having a schedule during the week really keeps me on-plan, so I need to implement a schedule on the weekends too. I need to have that structure continuing through my days off so that I don't get tempted to go the easy route for meals & get stuff that is not good for me & does not follow the plan I want to be following.

There's always going to be hurdles, but just because I didn't make it over this one successfully doesn't mean that I can't get right back up & keep plugging along. Next time I see a hurdle in the distance, I'll make a plan and stick to it. I'm reminded of a poem that I found years ago after my father went through a substance abuse recovery program. It held special meaning to him, and it does to me too. Our addictions were different--his to drugs & alcohol, mine to food--but the poem relates to each:

There Is a Hole in My Sidewalk
Autobiography in Five Short Chapters
By Portia Nelson

Chapter One
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost…I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter Two
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend that I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in this same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter Three
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in…it’s a habit…but,
My eyes are open
I know where I am
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter Four
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter Five
I walk down another street.

Which chapter do you find yourself in? This weekend, that's a chapter 3 for me. Next time, I'll do better.

*Giveaway coming later today!*