Tuesday, June 1, 2010

The Ugly Truth

The funny thing about having a blog is that you really monitor how much you disclose to your audience. So if there are things I don't want to share about myself, I don't. And if I screw up & never posted about it, none of you would ever know. But I would. So, it's confession time: this weekend was not pretty.

To start off with though, I did do some things right. I started out strong.

Friday my husband and I went out for dinner & I got shrimp kabobs with cajun lime seasoning at TGIFridays. It came with a side of broccoli. And I started off with a big salad, dressing on the side. It was a really great, healthy meal, so I didn't feel guilty when I ate the dessert that came with my meal. I had room in my plan for it that day, and so I enjoyed it. After our dinner, we had to go to a graduation party. Where they had delicious homemade bbq and fried chicken. AND CAKE. I sampled a few bites of the bbq, ate a little bit of the chicken (this was hours after dinner & I was a little hungry), then had less than 1/2 a slice of cake. It was like two bites. I went over my points for the day, but I had flex to make up for it. Overall, I thought I did OK on Friday.

Oh, a sidenote about Friday. I accidentally cut a woman off in traffic, and waved an apologetic hand in the air to let her know it wasn't intentional. This crazy broad tailgates me while honking her horn & shaking her fist, then when she's first able to, she whips past me, then cuts ME off, intentionally. I thought that was rude enough... then I change lanes because I'm turning at the next light & she continues to honk, lean out her window, and yell "FATASS" at me. Really? First of all, you can't even SEE my ASS from there, and second of all, what on earth does my fat ass have to do with my driving? I know I cut the lady off, but like I said, it was an accident. It's amazing to me that the namecalling doesn't stop when you're a kid, but that even some adults would be so rude as to scream out their window at me, just to be mean. I wish I could say that I brushed it off immediately, but her comment did kind of stick with me through the weekend & was in the back of my head the whole time.

Saturday I knew I would face some challenges as well, as I was having lunch with a friend, then we were going to see SATC2, then we were getting ice cream afterwards... at COLD STONE. Lunch I did really great on. I got soup & fruit salad and it was SO delicious. I wish I'd taken a picture of the fruit salad, it was amazing! So I was pretty proud of myself for eating at Atlanta Bread & getting something healthy! Next was the movie theater. I ate good at lunch because I knew I wanted to get a small popcorn. When I scanned the menu, I was surprised to find something listed as the "Healthy Pack". I inquired, and for only $4 I could get a little box with a bottle of water, a couple cups of popcorn, and a nutrigrain bar! I jumped on that, and it was the perfect little snack for the movies!

After the movies, it was time for ice cream. I played it safe & got a small dish of "sinless sweet cream" with sprinkles & lowfat caramel. It was tasty, and not overkill on points!

So, Saturday started out pretty strong.... but then came the cookout & margaritas... And I overindulged. One italian sausage, one cheeseburger, and four margaritas later... and I was feeling gross. It was too much & I went overboard, even though I was technically within points for the day. They weren't spent wisely.

Sunday didn't go so hot either. Our usual Sunday lunch is to get chinese. I usually do pretty well... but I didn't this time. Going overboard the night before caused an avalance for the rest of the weekend. So, I overdid it at lunch, then had ANOTHER graduation party where there was lots of tasty food, then I didn't put my foot down when my husband wanted pizza for dinner late Sunday evening. I didn't even write down my food. Bad Teale.

Monday was a full-on binge. I wanted brunch at a diner. I wanted ice cream. I wanted pizza. And I indulged. I tried to fight the urges, but ultimately, I caved. I felt sad for doing it & disappointed in myself for doing it. But then I gave myself a pep talk.

"Just because you went overboard this weekend does not mean you are going to continue going overboard. You are capable! There are always going to be holiday weekends, and sometimes you're going to splurge & give in to the temptation of junky food. As long as you get back on track tomorrow, it'll be OK. So maybe you'll gain this week, or maybe you just won't lose much... but there are going to be weeks like that! You have been going strong for 3 weeks and haven't had a single binge! This was your first holiday weekend on-plan, and you learned some things & will do better next time. This isn't the end of the world. You are capable!"

And so today? I'm plugging along & doing just fine. I've learned that having a schedule during the week really keeps me on-plan, so I need to implement a schedule on the weekends too. I need to have that structure continuing through my days off so that I don't get tempted to go the easy route for meals & get stuff that is not good for me & does not follow the plan I want to be following.

There's always going to be hurdles, but just because I didn't make it over this one successfully doesn't mean that I can't get right back up & keep plugging along. Next time I see a hurdle in the distance, I'll make a plan and stick to it. I'm reminded of a poem that I found years ago after my father went through a substance abuse recovery program. It held special meaning to him, and it does to me too. Our addictions were different--his to drugs & alcohol, mine to food--but the poem relates to each:

There Is a Hole in My Sidewalk
Autobiography in Five Short Chapters
By Portia Nelson

Chapter One
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost…I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter Two
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend that I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in this same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter Three
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in…it’s a habit…but,
My eyes are open
I know where I am
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter Four
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter Five
I walk down another street.

Which chapter do you find yourself in? This weekend, that's a chapter 3 for me. Next time, I'll do better.

*Giveaway coming later today!*


Laura said...

Great job with reminding yourself that you can jump right back on and do better. I've had my struggles and that's how I keep my weight consistently going down; I might splurge, but the next meal is healthy and back on track.


SG said...

oh, teale....how horrible about that woman calling you that! i know what you mean about wanting to forget it but it sticking with you. thanks for being so honest about the pitfalls this weekend. its what makes your blog so great. its real.

Cheryl said...

Great pep talk Teale!!! You are an inspiration! :)