Thursday, June 17, 2010

Two years later

On April 15, 2008 I wrote a letter to myself on here.  I revisited it today, because I really need a reminder.  I'm struggling.  I hate that it's a month into my journey, and already I am struggling to keep my head above water.  Last week was a huge gain, and if I'm being honest, this week will probably negate just about any progress I made in the last month.  So, a reminder of this old letter I wrote will serve as today's entry.

Dear Old Self,

On August 22, 2007 I took a vow to leave you behind. At first it was easy. I was motivated to find the New Self, and I walked away from you pretty much without even looking back. I gave up your desire for greasy McDonald's, daily candy bars, and calorie-filled, sugar-loaded pop. New Self was winning the battle, and pounds dropped off. I think New Self lost 30 pounds in 3 months. It was a great ego boost, let me tell you. New Self was kicking Old Self's ass.

Around Thanksgiving time, Old Self, you tried to sneak your way back into my life. I tried to remain strong & remember how great New Self felt, but you were trying your hardest to be the boss in my life again. I fought back hard too though, and even though I didn't lose like I had been, I still came through the holidays weighing less than I did at the beginning of them.

The new year came, and New Self was feeling lazy and tired... you are a figher, Old Self... You were really fighting to win my life over again, and I felt exhausted from fighting you! I went through some tough times in my personal life starting in January, and New Self started to feel defeated. Why bother? New Self tried to at least hold on a little through the storm, but Old Self, you seemed to be getting stronger.

Eventually New Self gave up. New Self was tired of fighting and it was easier to just back down and let you take charge again. I thought that New Self had totally hit the road, never to be seen again. Old Self, you have been ruining my life. You have got to go. I'm not happier with you around, and I'm certainly not healthier. Sometimes we keep old friends in our lives just because they've been there for so long. They might not be the best thing for us anymore (maybe they never were), but we feel attached to them in a very strong way. Well, Old Self, you are not my friend anymore. It's time to say goodbye.
I think in August, I really just said "see ya later" to you, but this time, I have to say goodbye for good. We can't meet again in the future, not if I want to be a healthy person and have New Self in my life. We have to close this chapter. You've been a close friend, Old Self, but I can't say you've been a "good" friend. You've been there for me when others weren't, but I know New Self will eventually be stronger than you ever were. It will just take time for New Self to thrive. But the good news is that even though you returned, New Self didn't really abandon me like I thought. Somehow, New Self held on through the rough waters lately, because she wants to be my best friend now.

New Self has grown her wings. It's time to fly.



SG said...

that's beautiful. you fly girl!

Lyn said...

You can do this, Teale! You're one strong woman. If you make a mistake that's ok... it is JUST a mistake and you can still get right back on track and have a wonderful day/week/month!

I am rooting for ya!

Evelyn said...

This is going to sound uber bitchy, but srsly, just do it! Don't complain about it; next time your at the mcdonalds drive-through just keep driving and get yourself an apple or something. This isn't about letters to yourself (you're a great writer, btw) but about making ONE right choice. I'm an alcoholic, sober for 3 years, and it's all about one day at a time. Today I choose not to drink. Today you have to be healthy for you, your husband and your future family.

Debbi Does Dinner Healthy said...

The weight loss game is 80% mental. IF it is important enought to you, you CAN do it. Who cares if you had a couple of bad weeks and gained. That doesn't mean that next week can't be a loss. You gotta get your head in the game and stay focused. I hope revisiting this letter helped. I just had a bad week but I am determined not to let it get the best of me. Wake up tomorrow with a solid goal! You can do it!

The Better Idiot said...

Why will this coming week negate all your progress? What are you doing? I think the thing to ask yourself here is will giving up make you feel better or worse? It's OK to struggle, everybody does, but you can make a choice to either maintain or lose the weight you gained last week and continue on, or can choose to give up and keep gaining. Right now it feels bad, but it's only a week! You can recover from a week. I have a problem that I tend to lose a sense of time when I fall off the wagon, I trick myself into thinking it's too late or it's been too long. It hasn't been, it's never too late.

Teale said...

You're right, your comment wasn't exactly sensitive. Your journey may not be about letters to yourself (congrats on the 3 yrs, btw), but we all take the path that works for us, and since this is my space, I do what works for me. I'd love to read about your journey on your blog if you'd link to it!

Teale said...

The Better Idiot--
My comment about negating the progress I made was in reference to me weighing in tonight. I was saying that this past week was crappy, and the weigh-in tonight was likely not going to be pretty, thus negating weigh-loss progress I had made in weeks prior. My WI actually wasn't as bad as I anticipated, but I'll post about that later!

The Me Within said...

Writing a letter to your self is such a great idea. I am definitely going to give that a try maybe it will help me keep motivated. Thank you this was a great post. TheMeWithin

Jenna said...

Writing a letter is a great idea! Reminds me of the videos that the Biggest Loser contestants make for themselves, which always make me cry.

30 lbs in 3 months? AMAZING!