Thursday, December 11, 2008
We're planning an August or September wedding, and I'm reminded that when i started this blog, I was losing weight for the last wedding I was planning... so, here we go again I guess. I hope to get back down to the weight I was when I met Eddie, which embarrassingly enough is about 50 pounds.... so everything that I had lost in the 6 months before I met him. But, truth is, if I did it before, i can do it again...
What a pain in the ass.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
This was actually about 24 hours after the nasty eyes originally started, and believe it or not, it got worse in the next couple of days. You could see NO whites of my eyes whatsoever. But, finally 2 weeks after that, it is completely gone. So now I'm just waiting for the next shoe to drop... I've come to expect problem after problem lately!
In other news, my boyfriend has planned a trip to Chicago (we're 2.5 hours south of there) on December 6th, and honestly, all signs point to a possible proposal... I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but sometimes you just have a feeling about things.... We're celebrating 9 months together this week, actually, and they have seriously been the BEST 9 months of my life probably... and ironic that I can say that, even with 4 of those months being hell, health-wise!
I'm not on any sort of wagon regarding weight loss... in fact, I haven't seen the wagon in so long, I don't even remember what it looks like. Eddie and I both have gained a lot of weight since we started our relationship... but for completely different reasons, I think. He eats in large quantities, whether it's good for him or bad, and I just eat bad stuff in regular quantities. Regardless though, both ways puts pounds on. I think he wants an easy answer for losing the weight though, and I told him that's just not gonna happen. He talks about him wanting to do Nutrisystem, but I just don't see that as a realistic option. I mean, first of all, it's expensive. And secondly, what's to stop you from overeating their food vs. your food, you know? And it's not like you can eat that for the rest of your life... But... just because someone knows HOW to eat right and eat balanced meals, doesn't mean that they do... and that's where I'm at. But, I'm also at an apathetic stage where I feel like "well, I'm OK right here for now..."
So, that's that I guess.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
The past couple weeks have been crappy as far as food goes. Steroids, in combination w/a period from hell has resulted in a gain of about 5 pounds or so. And let me tell you, I feel bloated as HELL after 2 rounds of steroids! My face is so puffy it's not even funny!
So when I started this blog, I didn't stop to think about the fact that if you simply google my first name, Teale, with as rare as it is, my blog is one of the first things that pop up... and that means that family & friends can have access to this with pretty minimal searching. It's not that I have things to hide from friends & family, but it does make me apply a bit of a filter to know that people who know me IRL could read about things that potentially I don't want RL people to know about. It also means that things I write in here could be gossiped to other family members and/or my parents. This doesn't apply to those that I KNOW read my blog (Melissa, Amy), but to those who are laying low under the radar. So, to the few readers that are still around & have commented that they wonder what I'm up to lately and want some more personal posts... this is why they've been few & far between.
Monday, October 20, 2008
The lighting is a little odd, but you get the idea.... here's how I did it:
Brachs Autumn Mix $1.29 & earn $1.29 ECBs
Colgate Max Fresh (large tube) $2.99 & earn $2.00 ECB (also use a $1.00 coupon to make this item free)
Colgate Max Fresh (small tube) on clearance for $.75 & use $1.00 coupon for $.25 overage
2 Glade twin pack scented oil refills on sale for $3.99 each & use BOGO coupon, getting both for $3.99
Colgate toothbrush for $2.99 & earn $2.00 ECB & use $1.00 coupon
Powerade $1.69 & earn $1.69 ECB
2 Excedrin 24 ct (back/body & migraine) for $1.99 each & use 2 $2.00 coupons
I saved about $30.00 today by using coupons, ECBs, and shopping sales... good week!
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
The Bell's Palsy is still there... no telling when it will fade away. I'm hoping by the end of the month! Eddie and I have a wedding to go to in early November, and I would love to not be palsied for that! Here is a picture of what I look like... this is me smiling. You can see how one side just doesn't work!
It's ok, you can laugh... I look kinda like a pirate. LOL
This weekend (before the palsy set in), Eddie and I went to the pumpkin patch & had some fun at the Halloween store. I don't have the pumpkin patch pics on this computer, but here's one of us having some fun w/the Halloween items at the costume store!
In other news, I did some CVS-ing for the first time in a couple weeks. I had used up almost all of my ECBs when I was sick & needed meds, but was broke as a joke... so I was pretty much starting from scratch, with only $1 ECB. I needed toilet paper, then there was also a good Swiffer deal where starter packs were on sale for about $7 & I had a $5 coupon, then I also had a coupon for buy 1 starter pack, get diff starter pack free. On top of that, they had an ECB deal with it, where if you spend $10 in Swiffer-ness, you get $5 ECB back. Then of course there are always toothpaste deals. On sale for $3, I had 2 coupons I could use (manf & CVS), saving me $2, and I earned $2 ECBs. All in all, I got those 4 items for $6-something & tax, making it $8 something, and I earned $7 ECBs. Not too bad, and it got my stash built up a little! I also joined some kind of CVS feedback group that will randomly send you surveys, in exchange for ECBs if you qualify. I qualified for one that's coming up this weekend & I'll earn $10 ECBs for it. I'll take it!
I weighed this morning, and as expected was up just a bit. But, it is what it is, and I'm not worried at all about it. I am on my 2nd round of steroids in 2 weeks, and I'm due to get my period this weekend. Usually I'm bloated during my period, rather than before though, so this probably has nothing to do with Flo.
Starting Weight: 321.8
Current Weight: 308.4
Total Lost: 13.4
So, a little over a pound gain... no biggie!
Watched The Biggest Loser last night & actually participated in the live blog chat over on Krissie's blog since FB was out of town. Usually I read FB's summaries (even though I watch the show, her narration of it is great!) and catch up on everyone's comments then... I don't know why I don't participate, I sit there watching the show w/my laptop on my lap anyway, doing other stuff. Colleen is by far my favorite this season. I thought she was a knockout when she came to the show, but she just keeps getting hotter! She will definately be one hell of a bombshell come the finale... and her cute Daddy will have to beat the boys off with sticks! Brown (the Poop Troop) isn't irritating me this week as much as they have in the past... maybe b/c Brady kicked some serious tail on the day-long hike... he ran over 20 miles! That is just freaking amazing. If he keeps his mouth shut he's pretty good looking too. Just keep your mouth shut, Brady... and tell your wife to do the same! Oh goodness, and someone else I wanted to put a sock in it last night was Heba. Maybe it's b/c we are somewhat similar in personality (like to take control, enjoy the center of attention, LOL)... but if I had to hear her wine about how her husband went home ONE MORE TIME, I was going to scream. Colleen's dad went home, and she didnt turn into Miss Whiny Pants, bringing it up at every turn. She just turned that sadness into energy to kick some serious booty... and Heba needs to do the same! Anyway, enough BL banter...
Hope everyone is doing well with whatever is going on in their lives right now... update me, let me know whats new with you since I haven't been a good blogging buddy/reader/commenter lately!
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
I finally fully recovered from my last ailment... Tonsillitis From Hell. Only to wake up this weekend to one side of my face being completely expressionless & weak. Lucky for me, a friend of mine recently had Bell's Palsy after a bad infection, so I knew what was going on... otherwise, the first thing you think of when you have facial weakness is a STROKE! No stroke here...
So, friends & family encouraged me to call the doctor, just to be sure, and so I went. Annnnd it's Bell's Palsy. For those that don't know, it's a condition that happens randomly sometimes due to one of the nerves in your face/head getting inflamed. It happens pretty much overnight, lasts as long as it sees fit (sometimes days, sometimes months), then most of the time, just goes away on it's own as quickly as it arrived. The doctor gave me some anti-viral meds and some more steroids (as if I hadn't been on enough as it was). So I'm pretty sure the steroids this time around will cause a gain, which is to be expected with a double round of them in the same month.
The condition isn't painful, just exceptionally annoying. I can't smile, wrinkle my nose, move my eyebrown, or even blink my eye willingly. The eye thing is the most problematic. Because I can't blink, my eye gets dry... and when your eye gets dry, it starts watering like crazy to lubricate itself. So, I have a runny eye. And I have to TAPE it shut when I sleep.
I swear, when it rains, it pours! The past 4 or so months have just been one thing on top of another for me! At the end of June, I injured my right shoulder. Doctors thought it was a rotator cuff issue, and I went through 4 weeks of occupational therapy. That didn't help, so I got sent to physical therapy for 4 weeks. That didn't do much good either, so I got sent to an orthopedic surgeon. He did an MRI and wants me to have an EMG (nerve test) later this month. However, in the past couple weeks, it's been an improvement & it no longer hurts. Meanwhile, the week before my birthday last month, I got an upper respiratory infection and missed 2 days of work. Went back to work for a week, then developed horrible tonsillitis & got tons of sores in my mouth & missed 5 more days of work. I finally recovered from that, and now this. I THINK IT'S SOMEONE ELSE'S TURN, POWERS THAT BE!
So anyway, there's a little update on me... how are you doing?!
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
I'm down on the scale again, but thankfully with a more reasonable number. I'm down 2.6 from last week, which is putting me closer to the 200s again! Wahooo!
Starting Weight: 321.8
Current Weight: 307.2
Total Lost: 14.6 pounds
Friday, October 3, 2008
Starting weight: 321.8
Current weight: 309.8
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
This weekend Eddie & I did really well. Weekends are tough for us & we usually eat out probably at least 3 times. My goal for us this weekend was to only eat out once, and with the exception of a banana shake on Sunday (since I was sick & couldn't eat solid stuff by that point), we stuck to it! Here's to another good week (and fingers crossed that the brown team goes away on the BL, they irritated the shit out of me!)
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
I went grocery shopping today. In the past when I've done WW and tried to eat healthy, I cringed every time I had to go to the store b/c I was always spending at least $75 every 2 weeks on groceries. Today though, today was different! I shopped all the store ads, then decided I was going to mainly go to walmart (a rarity lately, actually) and make a quick stop by meijer afterwards. I planned my meals for the next couple weeks based on what I had at home and what I had coupons for. I decided my budget would be $35.
And here's how I did:
3 packages of Birds Eye steamers veggies $1.25 each ($1/3 coupon)
Progresso chicken broth (found this on the clearance shelf) $1.20 ($1.25/1 coupon=free!)
Minute Rice $1.92 ($.40 coupon)
3 Lean Cuisines @ $1.88 each ($1.50/3 coupon)
Special K bars $2.50 ($1 coupon)
3 cans Veg All canned veggies (also found on the clearance shelf) $.50/can ($1/3 coupon)
Simply Harvest light soup 2 cans @ $1.25/can ($1/2 coupon)
Can Hormel chicken $1.43 ($.35 coupon)
Pillsbury pizza crust $2.16 ($1.10 coupon)
Pillsbury crescent rolls $1.26 ($1 coupon)
Arm & Hammer cat litter $5.96 ($1 coupon)
Purina cat chow $4.18 ($4 coupon)
Amish noodles $1.16
Flour tortillas $1.14
FF turkey lunchmeat $3.00
Skim milk $1.82
Kraft mac & cheese buy 3 get 3 free @ $.74/box
Dole salad mix BOGO @ $1.99/bag
Tyson chicken strips $2.50 ($1 coupon)
GRAND TOTAL: $36.70 ($1.70 over budget)
I went in with a grocery list, and I ended up having to make some modifications to it b/c they didn't have some things on my list, and I forgot to put some essentials (like milk) on there. I think that $36 for 2 weeks of groceries, INCLUDING cat food & litter, is pretty damn good! I'm proud! Planning pays off!
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Monday, September 15, 2008
So it's a little blurry b/c it was taken with my phone, but you get the idea! Here are my transactions:
Aleve D (20 ct in error): $3.99
2 Glade Sprays @ $.99: $1.98
Use $2/$10 CVS coupon from magic coupon machine
$1/1 Aleve coupon
$2/1 Excedrin coupon (cashier didn't notice this was for the wrong Excedrin product... but it scanned!)
BOGO glade coupon
Use $3 ECB from last week
Total OOP: $1.85 + tax = $2.00 (Earn $3.99 ECB & then noticed I didn't earn $3 ECB for Aleve...)
Had to return the 20 ct Aleve D b/c what I really needed was the 10 ct. They returned $2.02 to me as the adjusted cost with coupons
I then got the correct Aleve. There was a $1 off coupon taped to the box, which he scanned then never removed, so at least I got an extra coupon outta the deal...
Aleve D 10 ct: $3.99 (earn $3 ECBs)
Use $1/1 Aleve coupon
Total OOP: $3.03 & Earn $3 ECB (after the fact I realized I had $2 ECB that I could have used for this transaction, but was so flustered that I forgot!)
Lipton 100 ct: $3
30 oz Mayo: $3
2 Skippy Peanut Butter & 1 Ragu pasta sauce: 3/$5
Use $2/$10 CVS printable
Use $.50/1 Lipton coupon
Use $.50/1 Mayo coupon
Use $1/2 Skippy coupon
Use $3 & $3.99 ECBs from earlier transactions
Total OOP: $0.01 + tax = $0.04 (earn $3 ECBs)
Started the week with $5 ECBs, Ended the week with $5 ECBs. Spent $3.05 OOP this week.
Monday, September 8, 2008
2 cans CVS peanuts @$1.99 each ($3.98)
2 Aussie shampoo/conditioner @$2.49 each ($4.98)
1 bag Chex Mix @$1.00 ($1.00)
1 Revlon Nail Polish @$3.99 ($3.99)
1 3-pack CVS paper towels @$1.99 ($1.99)
Total before coupons: $15.94+tax
$2/$10 CVS printable
$2/2 CVS nuts coupon from magic CVS machine
$2/2 Aussie products from yesterday's paper
$0.60/1 Chex printable
$1/1 CVS paper towels from magic CVS machine
$5.99 ECBs from last week
Total savings: $13.59
OOP this week: $2.40
Earned: $2 ECB from Aussie products & $3 ECB from Revlon nail polish
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Walmart puts out a magazine called All You that's chock full of coupons... in searching thru this month's issue for new coupons, I noticed a little blurb about getting 2 free issues by going to http://www.blogger.com/www.allyou.com and requesting the free trial.
Fill in your name/address, then check the "Bill Me" option. Really what this is doing is signing you up with a 12-issue subscription, but the fine print states that you can cancel at any time, simply by writing "CANCEL" on the bill when you receive it and sending it back, while keeping your trial issues. So, get your 2 free issues, send the bill back, and you'll get a couple month's coupons for free!
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
3 cans pringles @ $.88=$2.64
1 Dawn @ $.99
1 Colgate @ $2.99 (earn $2 ECB)
2 Cover Girl Lip Color BOGO=2/$9.99
Total before coupons $16.61
$2/$10 CVS printable
$1.50/1 Colgate printable
BOGO Cover Girl lip color coupon (-$9.99)
Total Coupon Savings: $15.78
Difference: $.83 + Tax = $1.67 OOP & $2.00 ECB Earned
Cover Girl Wetslicks $5.99 (Earn $5.99 ECB)
Total before coupons: $5.99
$1 Cover Girl coupon
$3 old ECB
$2 ECB earned on last transaction
Total Coupon Savings: $6.00
Difference: Overage of $.01 + Tax = $.08 OOP & $5.99 ECB Earned
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
4 pk Angel Soft toilet paper
1 Just Bunches cereal
2 Glade plug-in refills
2 Oust sprays
2 Glade sprays
2 Rimmel Eyeshadows
1 Ronzoni pasta
1 Crisco EVOO
1/2 gal FF milk
4 Yoplait yogurts
1 Sara Lee bread
1 Cat Litter
I used coupons on just about every item, except I stacked my 2 oust coupons wrong (had 1 BOGO q & one $2/2 q) so I missed out on $2 savings... live and learn...
My total before coupons was $42 and some change.
I paid OOP: $25.91
4 Ziplock 25 ct. ($4.00)
Purina Cat Treats ($1.69)
Satin Care trial size ($.99)
8 Yoplait Light ($4.00)
2 Pounce cat treats ($1.88)
(2) $1/2 Ziplock coupons (-$2.00)
Free purina treat coupon (-$1.69)
$1.50/2 pounce coupon (-$1.50)
(2) $1/4 Yoplait light printable (-$2.00)
$1/1 Advil printable (-$1.00)
$.55/1 Satin Care coupon (-$.55)
Total OOP: $5.52
Coupon Savings: $7.71
$.99/lb Chicken Breasts ($3.16)
3 packages Hillshire brats B1G2 ($3.99)
2 Lean Cuisine ($3.98)
1 Lifesavers Sorbets ($.99)
1 Purina Cat Food ($3.49)
(2) $1/1 LC printable coupons (-$2.00)
$4/1 Purina cat food printable (-$4.00)
Total OOP: $10.00
In-store & Coupon Savings: $19.58
I went on a back-to-school college night and there were stations set up throughout the store with samples & coupons & contests! I ended up getting a coupon for a b1g1 coupon for the Starbucks located inside Meijer, a coupon for free Edge shaving cream, as well as the following samples: Schick Quattro razor, 1 week supply of acne medication, 2 packets of coffee, 1 crystal lite to go sample, 1 energy drink sample, 1 wet ones sample, and a soy joy bar! Score!
2 Colgate Max BOGO ($3.29/2)
1 Playtex Sport ($4.99)
1 3pk CVS paper towels ($1.99)
$2/$10 printable CVS coupon (-$2.00)
(2) $1.50/1 Colgate printable coupons (-$3.00)
$1.00 Playtex Sport printable coupon (-$1.00)
$1.00 CVS paper towels from magic coupon machine (-$1.00)
$2.00 ECB (-$2.00)
Total OOP: $1.45
Earned: $3 ECBs
Total Saved: $12.29
1 Kotex Light Days ($1.49)
$1.00/1 Kotex product (-$1.00)
Total OOP: $.61
Earned: $1.49 ECB
Total Saved: $1.00
Total Spent This Week @ CVS: $2.06
Total ECBs Earned This Week: $4.49
Wanna see more CVS deals? Check out CVS Superstars at The "Cent"sible Sawyer!
At least I can say that I weigh less now than I did at this time last year... although it isn't by much.
I'm just not feeling the whole weightloss bit right now. It's not that I'm going out and eating like a crazy person, but I just don't feel like bothering with tracking things, and just plain old worrying about it. Some may think "well what could be more important than your health?" And while that's a good point, it's hard to focus so much energy on something that TAKES a lot of energy, when I have a lot of other things to worry about too.
I am like this with everything in my life. Something grabs my attention for awhile... I commit to it for awhile... then I get tired of it. A year ago, I was adding tons of weight loss blogs into my google reader... then I went to a craft blog phase, and now I'm into a money-saving blog phase. So while it may disappoint some (those few that may still read?), I am not making a full-time committment to this blog as a weightloss blog anymore... not that I even have been for awhile...
One thing that will be added to my blog title will be "and Steals...". Right now I am in the mindset that with a little work, I can save oodles of money in my life. And it really is happening... I read a handful of frugal blogs, and those ladies often suggest posting about our finds, and sometimes there are even contests involved for writing about such things... so, Teale's Meals shall become Teale's Meals (...and Steals!)
Monday, August 11, 2008
1. Buy "All You" magazine from Walmart. This is chock full of great coupons, and totally worth the $1.97 it costs!
2. Look towards the back of the magazine, and you'll see a page of FIVE coupons for free Kraft, Nabisco, and Oscar Meyer items. With each coupon for a free item, you must purchase 3 items of your choice made by those brands. The coupons for the free items are: Kraft Singles, Wheat Thins, Crystal Lite, Kraft Salad Dressing, and Oscar Meyer Hot Dogs.
3. Purchase 15 packets of Kool Aid, which just so happens to be a Kraft food, if you check out manufacturing info on the back. Five coupons requiring you to buy 3 items=15 packets of Kool Aid. I got lucky & my Meijer had them on sale for 10 cents each, so I spent $1.50 and got ALL that food! Crystal Lite, Kraft Singles, and Kraft Dressing are staples in my house, so taht was especially great... the hot dogs and Wheat Thins I don't usually buy, but hey, it was free!!!
You can also get any variety of these items, as long as it falls into the price limit listed on the coupon... so you can get FF or LF items too!
Have you found any other great bargains like this that can help cut your healthy food grocery bill?!
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Here's a chinese classic that's not only easy as pie, but low in points!
Beef & Broccoli
4 servings/4 points each
3/4 lb. beef round cut into small strips
2 tbsp cornstarch (flour works too!)
1/2 c. low sodium beef broth
2 tbsp oyster sauce (I skip this)
2 tbsp honey (yeah, I skip this too)
2 tbsp reduced-sodium soy sauce
1 lb. broccoli, cut into florets (about 4 cups)
2 tsp canola oil
1 tbsp minced ginger (I don't miss this either)
3 cloves minced garlic
1. Combine beef w/1 tbsp cornstarch & toss well to coat. Set aside. Combine the rest of the cornstarch, broth, oyster sauce, honey, and soy sauce in a small bowl & set aside.
2. Bring a large pot of water to a boil & add broccolie. Cook until crisp-tender (3-4 min) and drain.
3. Heat nonstick wok or large skillet over med/high heat until a drop of water sizzles. Swirl in the oil, then add beef. Stir-fry until just cooked through (3-4 min) then transfer to a plate.
4. Add ginger & garlic to the pan and stir-fry until frgrant (about 20 sec) then add the broth mixture and cook, stirring constantly until mixture boils & thickens (about 1 min). Add beef & broccoli & cook until heated through (1 min).
And there you have it! Not too difficult! Eat this on its own, or serve over rice for additional points. Try this with chicken, shrimp, additional veggies... basically this is a pretty versatile, basic recipe! I find that broth, soy sauce, flour/cornstarch, and garlic is a good enough sauce for me, but if you like the blend of other flavors, by all means, include those!
What are some of your favorite chinese-inspired healthy meals?!
What is it, you may ask? Chicken and rice with broccoli! So simple and so flavorful.
1 packet chicken flavored rice (I used the walmart brand for $0.88)
2 boneless, skinless chicken breasts, diced (package of 6 breasts for $8, so $2.67 for the chicken)
Broccoli (optional... I had it in the fridge & needed to use it. I used about 1/4 crown, which cost me probably $0.25)
Marinade (optional... I've had this in the cupboard for months & wanted to use it... I used Lawry's garlic herb marinade, and it added amazing flavor... the rice is tasty on it's own though, so you could skip this if you wanted. I believe I bought this for about $1.50)
Divide all this by 6 servings, and it's only $0.99 per serving! Definately tasty, and you can freeze leftovers in individual containers, which is helpful when you live alone and cook for one!
What are some of your favorite meals to make that help you get the most out of your grocery money?? Are there any meals you make especially to have lots of leftovers? Share!
It's incredibly hard to eat healthy on a budget, I've found. But, it can be done if you take the time to figure out how to do it! I've started reading some money-saving blogs online. They give tips on ways to save money, as well as sites for coupons, free stuff, etc. Money Saving Mom and BeCentsible are a couple faves, for those interested. I also check out my sunday paper for coupons, as well as smartsource.com among some others. What I've started doing is shopping the grocery ads on Sunday to see what's on sale, then making my meals that week around the sales. Additionally, I'll see if I've got any coupons for those items, or I'll go to the brand's website to see if there are any posted on there. I also subscribe to places like kraftfoods.com and things like that to get coupons sent to my email!
It also helps when you have an uncle with a veggie garden who gives you broccoli, peppers, onions, tomatoes, and corn for free!
This blog started out as a place where I posted my meals and recipes and stuff, and it strayed from there awhile ago. I'd really like to get back into the habit of posting things like that again. I especially feel so accomplished when I successfully transform a really fatty, calorie-filled recipe into something low in fat and calories, but that tastes just as good.
So, suggestion time...
What are some meals that you love but that you avoid because they don't fit into your "plan" whatever it may be?
If any of you like to cook, what are some of your favorites? Share!
Friday, July 25, 2008
I suppose I should put a number to things... I mentioned that I had gained about 40 pounds back... so if you knew my starting weigh, you could do the math... but I was too embarrassed to actually put it out there. When I stepped on the scale 2 weeks ago, it said 312.2
Yikes! Today though, after 2 weeks of NOT eating out like a crazy person *but still once in awhile like a normal person!* and cooking some tasty meals at home... I am at 305.2! So, in 2 week's time, just making a small modification to my life, I lost 7 pounds! That is progress I am pleased with!
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
I have been doing really well about not eating out. I had 3 dinners out this week--one was at a stir fry place, so I did well, one was at a steakhouse, and I did indulge in a shared appetizer, as well as some sweet tea, but I took half my steak home with me, then the third place was Red Lobster, and instead of having grilled fish, I did have it fried... but I took half home with me to have for another meal. So, I am making progress. I can't change habits overnight... well, I suppose I could, but then I'm just more likely to go back to the "old" way eventually.
I've been cooking a lot, which is awesome of me! I made porcupine meatballs, stuffing burgers, and hamburger helper (ugh) this week. I did the HH last night b/c that was pretty much my only option. It was an old box that I've had in the house for months, and I had some ground beef, so I put the 2 together. I am trying really hard to get only food I need at the grocery store & make it last exactly as long as I need it to before grocery shopping again. My fridge is just about empty right now, but payday is tomorrow, so I'll get to stock up on stuff!
Exercise isn't happening just yet,but I'm easing myself in slowly. My first focus had to be to stop eating out so much. I also have a shouder injury (pulled all 4 muscles in my rotator cuff) and I'm doing occupational therapy to help with it. Kinda makes it hard to do the elliptical when I can't move my shoulder without extreme pain. One thing at a time...!
Thursday, July 17, 2008
I would never had encouraged him to lose weight just because I was. He's a big guy, but I love 'em that way, and think he's just as good looking 40 pounds heavier as he was on the day we met. But, because he has said that he wants to lose, I am all over this now! I'm trying to be Miss Motivation and keep both of us focused.
My first plan of action has been to stop with the fast food. It was totally out of control and driven by pure laziness. This week I have cooked more than I have probably in the last 2 months. It feels good to be cooking again and trying new recipes. Right now, these recipes may not be as healthy as they will be in the future, but it is a start. I am cooking and not eating out, so this is progress.
My friend Melissa commented my last entry (don't you love when I make a little shout out to you?!) and suggested I set a small goal for myself, weight-wise. We are going to a concert in late August, and so my goal by that concert is to be back in the 290's. Yes, I have gone over to the dark side once again and am in the 300's. So, I'll keep you all posted. I have decided that Friday mornings will be when I weigh in. This is for two reasons. For one, I figure the weekends are probably the time that I am most likely to indulge. That gives me 5 weekdays to be back on track before weighing in. Then again, my second reason is that if I weigh in on friday and see positive results, or a nice loss, I may be less likely to indulge on the weekends because I don't want to lose that positie progress that I've made.
So, for right now, that is the plan. Baby steps!
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
So let's examine things... I had a pretty great upbringing. Grandparents raised me, did a wonderful job. Parents were always a part of my life, just not full-time. This really didn't cause me any great distress or feelings of abandonment. I always felt loved. Somewhere between my 4th and 5th year, I went from an average looking toddler to a 108 pound kindergartner. It was during this year that we moved next door to my great grandma. At her house, I was given free reign to all the cheese and bread/butter I wanted. No tragic event happened, no great distress in my childhood... In fact, I was surrounded by family a lot of the time. I had friends. But I still got fat...
I was talking on the phone to a fellow weight-watcher, my friend Melissa about a week ago, and we talked about how our attachment to food has never been normal, even as children. I remember sneaking to the cookie jar & trying not to let the lid clink against the lip of the base when I tried to steal a couple cookies. I don't know why I felt the need to sneak, because odds are, if I would have asked, my parents would have permitted me to have the cookies. But even as a 7 or 8 year old, I felt shame attached to the fact that I was eating bad stuff. I was never scolded about this from my parents, they never talked about how I was fat or how I needed to eat healthier.
The ridicule always came from kids at school. I got used to it. I didn't have bad self-esteem, I just brushed off the kids (who turned into teens and then adults) who would make comments or jokes about my weight. They were just words, and my parents always instilled the "sticks and stones may break my bones" mentality.
I had a lot of friends growing up. I wasn't outcast because I was overweight. In fact, my personality was stellar and most people liked me. I was the funny fat girl. I could have an attitude if necessary, but I could also be sweet as pie. People knew who I was... ok, so it was a small school... people knew who everyone was:) I didn't have a serious boyfriend in high school, though I did get a little attention on a couple occasions, which was a nice change.
College was when I think I mistakenly thought that attention of any kind equaled good attention. I did end up meeting a couple winners out of the bunch and did have several relationships throughout college. During this time, I also joined WW for the first time and had success, losing about 40 pounds. Eventually, I gained it all back though. The summer after I graduated, I met Mike. We met in July, started dating in October, got engaged in February, and by April, I had gained about 50 pounds in about 9 months' time. In August 2007, I joined WW again. I was getting married in 7 months, and I wanted to look great. I ended up being very successful on the program. So successful, in fact, that I had to get a new wedding dress, because the one I purchased at my heaviest was over a full size too big now.
Then it all went sour. See old entries for gory details, but long story short, Mike called things off, there was a domestic battery charge, he went to jail, life goes on... I surprisingly still did very well with WW after all of that, and hit my 50 pound loss mark in February. This was the same time that I met the love of my life, Eddie. I met him when I was looking my best, and now here we are almost 6 months later, and I have once again gained ridiculous sums of weight. To the tune of about 40 pounds. He has also gained weight, and we talk about how we need to make changes.
For the first time in my life, I actually am uncomfortable in my skin. Even at my heaviest, I didn't see myself as that big. I was buying size 26 clothing, but it didnt' click that that was pretty large. I have always liked myself when I looked in the mirror, even if I wasn't totally thrilled with the package. Right now, I don't like what I see. I am very disgusted with myself. Earlier this year, I was looking the best that I ever had, and now I feel like I'm looking my worst. And this isn't just about how I look. I FEEL miserable. Bending over is a chore. Taking stairs is a chore. My back hurts, my knees hurt, I'm lethargic.
Enough is enough. While I don't know at this point WHY I continue to cycle like this, I need to search and get to the bottom of things, or else this will be a lifetime cycle.
My new goal for 2008 is to lose the weight I have gained since February. I am no longer going to attend WW meetings. I am going to do this on my own. There are other people that can do it, and I know I can too, if I put my mind to it.
I'm not usually a comment nazi, but I put a lot into this post, and I really can use all the encouragement I can get. If you've got any words of wisdom, or just a tiny little pat on the back to keep me going, I would appreciate it.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
I thought that I would go to a nutritionist. I wonder about it being beneficial to me, because I basically know what I SHOULD be doing, but I'm just choosing not to... but, I thought it was worth a try. And it would be effort towards doing something good for myself. So I called my insurance to see about coverage for a nutritionist. Some plans require you to have a referral from a doctor or they won't cover the services.
So, I talk to insurance girl for awhile and she researches it and my plan doesn't cover a nutritionist for weight loss specifically. That I have to have a documented health problem to be able to have the services covered. And since I don't have a problem like diabetes or high blood pressure & am "healthy" then it's not covered. SINCE WHEN IS OBESITY NOT A HEALTH PROBLEM?!!?!
So I have to just wait until I have a heart murmur or my pancreas stops producing insulin before they will cover my visit? This is such bullshit.
*edit* I called insurance again to get a second opinion... to ask that if I got a referral from a doc that it's medically reccomended to lose weight, would it be covered. She said that the doc could send in a referral to insurance, but that it probably wouldnt' be approved b/c seeing a nutritionist for a weight loss program specifically, with no health problems, is not covered. Nevermind the fact that I am at RISK for tons of health problems, I just don't have them yet. What about preventative medicine? So they won't let me see a nutritionist now, but say in a year when I have to see a doc b/c I am having health problems, it's going to cost insurance a hell of a lot more money then than it would now. I feel so angry. It took so much for me to get on that phone, to make the decision that I would see someone, and now it's not even possible. It's hard to admit that you cannot help yourself & you need someone to help you... and even harder after you try and try again and get nowhere. I can see why people remain overweight if they dont' get anywhere when trying. Why bother, right?
Monday, July 7, 2008
6 wasted months on WW times $40/month equals 30 pounds Teale has regained.
I can't shake the "oh well" attitude I have about it. Kind of just feel like "well, it was bound to happen eventually... it always does..."
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Kathy just wrote a great post that you should check out. It talks about how so many of us stop blogging just because our weight loss efforts (or lack thereof) have stalled. Maybe some get tired of just focusing on counting points, calories, whatever, and blogging about how they're doing with that. She challenges us to still write about our lives, even when we're not writing about weight-loss. We come to appreciate our blogger friends b/c of who they are as people, not how they're doing with their weight loss efforts. Maybe we started reading them because we had that one link in common, but over time, we care about them more than just that tiny aspect of their life.
So, I'm blogging. I keep another blog that I write about my daily life in, but if you don't read that (and I believe only one of you does b/c it's on a site that you have to have an account or reader password to access), then you might not even know much about me and what's going on in my life. So let's change that. I'm going to write a brief little synopsis of things, and if you have any questions or things you'd like to know about me or want me to share, ask away... everythign is fair game!
I am 24 years old, and I live in central Illinois. I have a degree in psychology, but I work in a job where it's not required, nor does it pay well. This has me down in the dumps recently, and until I find something new & rewarding, I highly doubt I will be able to focus on anything weight-loss related.
2008 started out as a really rough year for me. I was supposed to be married in March, but 2 months before the wedding, my ex-fiance called things off. There was quite a bit of drama surrounding this, which involved him getting a domestic battery charge & spending a bit of time in jail for that & for violating my restraining order. Thankfully he's no longer in my life. Shortly after that drama ensued, I met a wonderful man named Eddie. He and I have been dating for a little over 4 months, and I honestly have never in my life been happier with a partner. I won't deny that I did love my ex-fiance, but I didn't really know what it was like to love someone like I love Eddie. It's totally different, and was definately worth all the heartache I've suffered in the past to finally have someone like him.
I have a variety of hobbies that include reading, scrapbooking, crocheting, letterboxing (look that one up!), and just about anything else creative that I can get my hands on. I have a habit of starting projets but not finishing them (trend, perhaps?), so that's something I want to work on.
Anyway, at least I made a post, and that's gotta count for something, right?
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
This place is a wonderful community if you're doing well, and pretty good still, even if you publicly struggle, but it's easy to be forgotten about if you drop off the blog world for a little while. I know I am guilty of it too, not checking in on people in my google reader that have been missing for a little while... but those people are probably the ones who need the encouragement the most. Those are the ones who need to feel a team of people behind them, pushing them up out of the black hole. They're the ones who need to feel supported & need to feel like others believe they can actually succeed.
Because right now, I don't. And I don't even care.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
(B)Toast, scrambled egg, sausage patty, cheese (8)
(L)2 big strawberries & 3 carrot sticks (1?), spoon of macaroni salad (1), 2 soft tacos (10)
(S2)2 Rice Cakes (2)
(D)Tomato/Olive oil/Goat cheese, Broccoli, Wheat Spaghetti w/parmesan & spray butter (9)
(S3)Ice cream cone (3)
You know, I guess I didn't really do as badly as I thought I did... Yes, dairy is a struggle of mine... but one struggle at a time... fruits & veggies for today were pretty good, so that is a positive!
I had mapped out a 5K walk in my neighborhood for tonight, but I got off work a little early & felt like just relaxing. Tomorrow perhaps. I am participating in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure on Saturday. It will be my first 5K. I will be walking, but the point is that I will be participating! One of my 2008 goals was to do a 5K, so we can cross that off the list on Saturday!
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
I knew what it was going to say... I've been weighing at home & seeing that number rise and rise. So it wasn't going to be a surprise... I just didn't want to see that +15ish pounds that I knew was going to be written on my WW card. It turned out to be +14.4. In one month. Do you see how easy it is to put this stupid weight back on, yet so hard to take it off? ONE MONTH and I gained back what it takes people 2 or so months (at least) to lose! So, overall I am up 20.2 pounds from my lowest. That puts me at 294 pounds. Big old 294.
But, at least it's on paper, and it's a new starting point.
Day two also went very well, considering that having to face my weight, in addition to being told I didn't get a job I was vying (sp?) for... my instinct was "I want food". But I resisted, to an extent. I still did grab my baggie full of dry cereal when I felt mopey, so I was still eating emotionally, but it wasn't a bag of chips or a carton of ice cream. It was an improvement.
(b)Donut & orange juice (6)
(s1)Granola bar & banana (4)
(l)LC meal & salad (10)
(s2)dry cereal (3)
(d)Beef & broccoli (no rice!) & tomato w/olive oil & goat cheese (8)
(s3)Ice cream cone (3)
My menu ended up looking like this
(b)Cereal w/Milk (5)
(s1)Granola Bar & banana (4)
(l)LC meal & salad (10)
(s2) popcorn (4)
(d)Taco Salad & tomatoes/olive oil/goat cheese (10)
(s2)Ice Cream (6)
Total: 39 (I honestly don't know how many points I'm supposed to have b/c I haven't recalculated since my weight gain... It's right around this though, I'm sure)
That was one day of NO eating out, one day of tracking my food, one day of getting in multiple fruits/veggies, and one day of GOING TO THE GYM!!!
Let me just elaborate... I HATE THE GYM. HATE.IT. I wish I was one of those people that loved it, but really, I just don't. I told myself that I would committ to 20 minutes on the elliptical last night though, and20 minutes I did. It was the longest 20 minutes I'd had in awhile. After what seemed like ages, I checked the clock and it had only bee 6 minutes. SIX?!!? I thought sure it was like 16, but no. I wanted to just stop right there, but I kept going for 20 stinking minutes. I hate the gym.
Tonight is the Weight Watchers Meeting of Doom. (cue menacing music). I haven't been in a month... used to, after like 4 missed meetings, your membership was cancelled & you had to start from scratch. I'm not sure how it works when you pay by the month... My credit card continues to be charged, even when I don't go. I'm currently paid up through the 20th of the month... so if they try and tell me I have to start over, there will be hell to pay. I'm not starting over. I will committ to 2 more months on the WW program, which will put me at my WW anniversary. At the end of those 2 months, I'll reevaluate if I feel like spending $40/month and going to meetings is still helpful to me. We shall see.
I'm not making a gym committment today. If I have time this evening, I may go, but it's not pencilled in on the agenda.
Today's tentative menu:
(b) Donut & orange juice (6) *Breakfast was supposed to be cereal w/milk, but I got to work & it was employee appreciation day and they had a whole spread of donuts, bagels, etc. I got one donut w/very little icing and that's it. Go Teale.*
(s1) Granola bar & Banana (4)
(l) LC meal & salad (10)
(s2)Banana or dry cereal or mini rice cakes (2)
(d) Beef & broccoli w/rice and tomatoes w/olive oil & goat cheese(10)
(s3) Ice cream Bar (2)
Tentative total: 34
Monday, June 9, 2008
A usual weekend would be eating out twice for breakfast probably, then probably 3 times for lunch/dinner meals. This weekend I had one breakfast out & two other meals out. This is progress.
I also spent a good deal of time outdoors on Sunday (and have the sunburn to prove it!).
I bought new workout pants & new tennis shoes for the gym. Today I go. My goal is simply 20 minutes on the elliptical. Gotta start somewhere.
I am going to try very VERY hard this week to face my WW meeting on Tuesday. It's not that this program doesn't work for me, because it does. But I have not been doing my part. I have not even been doing my part 20% of the time. I have not been trying. So while there's no doubt in my mind that other programs work for other people... this works too, if YOU work it. And so it's my responsibility to work it.
Meal plan for today:
(b) Cereal w/skim milk--5
(s1) Granola bar--2
(l) Lean Cuisine meal & salad--10
(s2) FF frozen yogurt--3
(d) Taco salad--5
(s3) orange or banana--2
(s4) brownie or ice cream--5
Friday, June 6, 2008
It's probably not the right answer, but I thought about cancelling my WW subscription. Let's face it, I haven't been using it. But then in the back of my mind, I think about how one of my 2008 goals was to celebrate my WW anniversary in August. Which is only 2 months away. But what good is an anniversary if you're not working the program. And what good is an anniversary if you have gained back half of what you've lost.
I have become a person that lets one thing get me off course. Monday I was supposed to go to the gym w/my friend. She couldn't end up going, but another friend said she'd go with me. Well, at the last minute she backed out... so so did I. I did go grocery shopping, but I shouldn't have gone to the store that I did b/c they didn't have half of the stuff I had on my list. I was PMSing and literally almost cried in the meat aisle because they didn't have ground turkey. They also didn't have a number of other items that I wanted. So I got an effing pizza & some ice cream & called it a day. I stayed home sick on Tuesday, so I didn't go to my WW meeting. I just let these outside forces take over and control me.
I don't know what to do or how to fix myself at this point. I want to be back in the healthy mindset, but I'm just not there right now.
Tell me what to do, cuz I don't know.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Sometimes I think "Why bother?" or "It's just not worth it, this is too hard and too much work" or "even if I lost 100 pounds, I would still be obese, what's the use?". And those kinds of thoughts can make you sink lower and lower until you just don't really care at all anymore how you're doing. I haven't cared for months, really. Sure, I've had a few weeks of doing well and losing weight again, but I've definately had WAY more time this year on the flip side. So, I've decided to develop an action plan.
1. Go grocery shopping this weekend. Stock up on fresh fruits & veggies, and plan 3 meals for the week before grocery shopping so that I can be sure I have all the items I need. That way, I can't say "oh, I can't make dinner tonight, I forgot to get the _____".
2. Return to my weight watchers meetings on Tuesday night. I haven't been in 3 weeks. I know it's gonna be ugly, but I have to go. Plus, I'm still paying for it!
3. Start a gym regimen on Monday. My friend is joining with me, and we used to be really, really good about going 4-5 days a week after work. We'd meet there, run on the elliptical for awhile, then do strength machines together. We were really diligent about going, and I really didn't mind it. I can't remember why, but I know she stopped going after awhile, and I quickly followed. I have been up and down with my gym usage since then, but it was that summer that I was really committed. I went out last night and bought a new iPod shuffle--one of the clip ones. I think it's a good incentive to get back there. I like that it clips, because it's always been cumbersome to have a non-clipping mp3 player. I wouldn't have dared purchase an armband thing for my old mp3 player... I'd be worried it wouldn't fit my massive, expanding arm. So, the clip is really great. Plus it's a lovely shade of green, which I adore (although pink would have been nice to have as an option, Apple!).
4. Take swimsuit progress picture. I haven't taken any progress pictures since, oh.... February. And I went on the dreaded swimsuit shopping trip yesterday. Well, as much as you can call walmart a shopping trip. They had a surprising amount of really cute, fun, patterned swimsuits. Tankinis have always been my favorite... I like being able to mix tops & bottoms & get something that looks really cute. However... while walmart had a surprisingly vast selection of tops & bottoms... ALL their tops were halters with shoelace-thin strings to tie my D-cup breasts back with. Yeah, NOT happening. Not to mention, the back of the halter (you know, the part that goes around your midsection?) was SUPER low cut, so my back fat was out there for the world to see... I know I've seen some women that don't seem to mind the public back fat, but I am not one of them. So, I resolved to getting a 1-piece for the first time in like 10 years. I wasn't super happy with that, but I needed a suit, so what's a girl to do? It's still cute, and I think it's flattering. It's also a halter (what is WITH the halters this year?) but it's got a much thicker tie that seems to hold the girls in nicely. It's black, and has the little skirt on the bottom. I have mixed feelings about skirt-suits, but this one works out well. So, like I said, I am going to take a swimsuit progress picture. I think on my WW anniversary, I shall compare. That will be 3 months' progress.
5. Eat out only one time this week. This means ice cream too. If I eat dinner out, then no ice cream out... if I eat ice cream out, then no dinner out. Must be reasonable!
Who else wants to formulate their 5-step action plan? It's only 5 steps, whatever yours are, let's do it together!
Friday, May 23, 2008
In about 12 days, I have gone up 15 pounds on the scale.
I mean, I'm not surprised that I'm up, I take responsibility that I have been eating horribly, and exercising not at all. While my friends were here, EVERY SINGLE MEAL was a meal out. This just goes to show you how easily it is to slip and fall and totally keep on falling... 15 pounds?!!?
I need a life coach or something. Someone to take on all the crappy things in my life, someone to tell me what to eat, when to eat it, force me to get exercise. I've just become so apathetic.
And to be honest, some of the comments that people leave aren't anything I don't all ready know. Maybe I'm the only one that feels this way, but sometimes I wish people would just say "I'm sorry you've been having a rough time, I hope it gets better soon" instead of being preachy. I'm probably just being sensitive & people aren't REALLY being preachy, but that's what it feels like sometimes. Yeah, I know the formula for weight loss... I know this isn't it... and I know I'm not going to see positive results this way... others telling me that doesn't make it any more clear than it all ready is. I guess maybe misery loves company, you know? Hearing about other people that are struggling is comforting almost. Not that I want others to do badly, but at least then I don't feel like the ONLY one that's a great big failure. Again.
I have become one of those "After such and such, I'll be back on track..." and then I never do. Next thing I know, I'll probably be back up over 300 again. Sure would be nice if life was easier.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
After 5 days of eating out, they said they felt miserable, tired, and FAT. And, so do I.
I "allowed" myself this week off-plan with the committment to renew my attendance at going to the gym. My plan tonight is to go home & change right after work and head to the gym for a bike ride. My MP3 player is dead, so I will have no music to accompany me, but I'm able to read a book on the bike. I can't read on any other machines though, so it works out.
I don't even want to know what that scale says after a week eating nothing but junk. I guarantee you it's at least a 5 pound gain, and probably 80% of that gain is simply because of the sodium in all the take out we got.
I need to get some groceries, my fridge is pretty much empty. I have some stuff for a few meals, but I'm such a snacker & need some healthy snacks. Maybe after the gym.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Unfortunately this weekend I went a little crazy eating out. And when that happens, I have a hard time being good again on Monday. I'm sure I'm not alone here! Part of my problem is probably that I need to go grocery shopping, then that way there will be healthy things in my house & I won't be tempted to go out and get something. Oh well, it's a journey!
I have a friend coming to visit for a week. She and her friend are driving down from Canada & they'll be here tomorrow! She and I met online when we were 16, and we are finally getting the opportunity to meet! It's been a long time coming! Her visit will also equal a lot of eating out, for sure. I don't know that I'll make the healthiest choices while she is here, but I'd like to publicly make a committment--no matter how good or bad I do this week, once my friend goes home, I am going to start going to the gym again. My goal will be three times per week. So, starting next week, exercise is going to be my new best friend. I'm sure we will have a love/hate relationship.
I won't be able to go to my Friday morning meeting this week b/c I will be in Chicago. Maybe there is a morning meeting tomorrow that I can go to before my friend gets here. I'm afraid it may show a gain after my weekend recklessness, but, so goes life. You give half-assed effort sometimes & you'll get half-assed results.
I hope everyone has an enjoyable week!
Saturday, May 10, 2008
1. steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., esp. in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.
I have always known that when I reach my 75 pound goal, I will get another tattoo. That's been my reward for about 9 months now, and I have been looking forward to it. (A little fun fact about me--I have 5 tattoos, none of which you would know I have unless wearing capris or a tank top). I set that as my reward back in August, yet I didn't know what I would get. All I knew was that I wanted it to be a word that represented my weight loss journey. The word perseverance always came to mind when thinking of what word could encapsulate my hard work. I have since decided on a different word & have designed my future tattoo, but it will remain a secret until I meet my 75 pound goal. It is not this word, however. But I wanted to talk about this word.
What keeps us going? When we fall down flat on our faces, whatever our program may be, what is it that makes some of us shake ourselves off & get back up, and makes some of us feel dejected, like we'll never be able to do this?
I've been both of those people. I've had my moments where I wanted to stay flat on my face and kick and scream and cry and say "I don't wanna!". It's hard work to stick with something like this. And it's not fun sometimes. There are days when I want to say, "Screw you healthy food, I'm getting a pizza. And ice cream." And sometimes I do get pizza. And ice cream. Like yesterday. But then there are times when I say "You know what, Teale. It's your decision to be unhealthy, just like it's your decision to be healthy. And nothing worth having in this world comes easy, so get off your shrinking butt and get your chin up, we've got some work to do."
In my real life, I am a generally upbeat person. Sometimes I'll mope around in my blog & write about stuff that gets me down, but I usually put on a pretty good front. I am notorious for pushing others away when I'm having personal life struggles. I want to be the strong one. It's because I've always had to be. I can't say where all my personality traits came from or began, but I can absolutely tell you where this one comes from. When I was 16, my dad passed away suddenly. My mom was obviously devastated, as was I, but because she was falling to pieces, someone had to stay strong. And that person was me. When I would go out and get our groceries or run our errands, people would always ask, "How's your mom doing?" but never EVER would they ask, "How are you doing?" Since noone asked, I learned to keep how I was feeling bottled inside. And to this day, I still do it.
But Thursday I was really having a hard day. I was off work, and just feeling really miserable about a lot of things in my life. The main thing is my extreme unhappiness with my job. Extreme. That is sort of at the root of things, and it makes me not want to make my effort where Weight Watchers is concerned. I stayed home all day on Thursday, in my pajamas. I didn't want to do a single thing but mope. I ate like crap, more or less, and you know what, momentarily, it DID make me feel better. But after I ate that pizza, I still felt just as shitty, if not more, than I did before eating it. It was just one of those days where I felt like throwing in the towel.
But I'm not. I will persevere.
Only I have the power to make me into the person I want to become. Outside forces, no matter how powerful they seem at the time, are not responsible for me going off plan. I am responsible for that. And there are still going to be days when I want to quit, and there are still going to be days, I'm sure, where I eat something I shouldn't, in quantities I shouldn't... but the more important part is what I do after I make that bad decision. It's whether I decide to be the person that stays on the ground after I've fallen, or the person that stands up, dusts herself off, and keeps on trying.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
And since then, ALL I can think about is ordering a pizza.
Now, having pizza for dinner in itself would be bad enough for me, because I know I would overeat... but I have ALREADY had dinner, so ordering pizza would be ridiculous.
But it's all I've been thinking about.
I had a 1pt WW cookie. I drank water. I still want the pizza.
Why do I want the stupid pizza? I want to lose weight. But right now, I want to taste the pizza more.
So I asked myself, what is it about the pizza that makes you want it so badly... and it's honestly just how happy tasting something good would make me. Today was a bad day. I hate my job with so much passion it's unbelievable. Today was just one more of those awful days at that hellhole. Eating some tasty pizza would make me forget about how much I hate my job. Eating some pizza would make me forget the misery. Momentarily.
Eating pizza would also bloat me like no other. It would put me over my points for the day. Then there would be leftovers and I would be tempted by them tomorrow.
I'm almost in tears here. WHY am I like this? Normal people are NOT obsessive like this about stuffing their feelings with food.
I've tried doing other things tonight. I have watched TV, I've read my book, I've played games on the computer, I've BLOGGED. But still, there's this whisper in my ear... orderpizzaorderpizzaorderpizza.
I know what I should do, but I don't know what I will do.
What I'd like to do is get some new, updated bloggers on there... so what I'd like you to do is reccomend to me 3 favorite blogs that you read. Tell me why you read them (inspirational, entertaining, etc), and don't forget to give me the link or url address to their blogs so I can stop by and read them & add them to my google reader! I realize that you don't know what blogs I read all ready, so I may get some reccomendations that I all ready have bookmarked. That's OK! And if you want to reccomend more than 3, have at it!!!
Let me have it:)
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
My weekend started off pretty good. I made good decisions at dinner & at the movies. Things went a bit downhill Saturday, but still not unsalvagable, I don't think. I had leftover spinach quiche for breakfast (8 points), had McDonald's as my only option for lunch, but got a plain McChicken (8 points), then had a wedding reception to go to where I made relatively good choices totalling 10 points. So, that left me with 10 daily points and my 35 weekly points... and there was an open bar.... I would imagine that I drank about that, too. I did NOT however, have any cake! We also got White Castle for the drunken ride back to our hotel... I'd never had it before, but let me tell you, I want more. I don't even know the points on those little suckers. But I ate 2. But, that was just one day, and Sunday I did better. I didn't eat much all day b/c we were on the road, then dinner was at Red Lobster for my mom's birthday. I could have made a better decision, but the fact was that it was dinner time & I'd used 4 of my daily points, so I got what I wanted.
But, the weekend is over, and now I'm back to focused eating & logging everything that goes in my mouth! I am GOING to exercise today. Period. I took the stairs down 16 flights of stairs today all ready... that's something. Yes, going up them would be more of a workout, but I don't really want to be sweaty at work! Tonight I'm making porcupine meatballs (ground turkey meatballs w/rice in them, covered w/FF cream of mushroom soup). I think Instead of the rice though, I may use some spinach & onion that I have in my veggie drawer that I don't want to go to waste. That would lower the points AND I'd get use of my veggies. That may just be a plan!
I am going to continue to go to Friday morning WW meetings (as long as I continue to have Friday mornings off). I was feeling a little burnt out on my leader. She's really upbeat & nice, but I've come to realize she's really spacy & ditzy, and it's started to get on my nerves. The Friday lady is a little different. She's quieter, but she's very encouraging, and I think maybe even just a few weeks away from my other woman might be enough to get me back to Tuesdays eventually. I miss the Tuesday crowd, but I need a break! So, fingers crossed that Friday morning brings good results!!!
Saturday, May 3, 2008
But let me tell you how much it motivated me to see the scale down 6.6 pounds!
That was definately what I needed. I feel less forlorn about the fact that I was up 13.8 pounds from my lowest... I just cut that in half!
Last night I faced some challenges, but I think I handled them very well. I went to dinner at my favorite mexican restaurant with a friend. I had only a few chips with salsa, instead of half the basket. I had iced tea instead of a margarita. And I had a shrimp fajita quesadilla instead of cheesy chicken enchiladas w/rice & beans. And I didn't eat it all. I used maybe 1 tsp of guac & sour cream instead of the 1/4 c. they give you of each. I did good.
Then was the movies. Movie popcorn is something I absolutely LOVE. Something I will NOT give up, but will have only in small amounts now. Instead of getting the extra large tub with tons of butter, I got the small. Instead of getting a box of snowcaps & eating them, I brought a 100 cal pack of the oreo candy bites with me. Instead of a huge full-sugar & calorie pop, I got a small diet. I did good again!
I think I am finally back in the game!
I think that a lot of the friends that used to read me have maybe stopped. That's to be expected when I disappear for some time, but hopefully that encouragement will return, because it certainly is helpful!
Friday, May 2, 2008
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Today has been another good day food-wise.
Breakfast: cereal w/milk
Lunch: Banana, salad w/feta, croutons, tomatoes, and light 3 cheese ranch dressing, 100 cal pack
Snack: mini rice cakes
Dinner: tomatoes w/feta & olive oil, broccoli, grilled ham & cheese, and baked bbq lays
I still have 10 points left for the evening. I will probably have some cheese & crackers later this evening before bed.
Last night I mixed 1 spoon of peanut butter w/some banana cream pie yogurt for a tasty pb-banana concoction. Would make a good fruit dip.
I weigh in tomorrow at WW. Tuesday is usually my weigh in day, but after the horrible time I'd been doing, I just couldn't face it. So, Wednesday & Thursday were good, OP days. While they won't erase the bad ones that I had before it, I'm hoping that they at least allow me to maintain. I can't handle ANOTHER gain. This will also be a morning WI, and usually I do evening ones... so, maybe that will help.
I will be using all my flex on Saturday... Eddie and I have a wedding to go to... with an open bar. My plan is to stay away from the fruity, sweet mixed drinks. And the wine, because it gives me a headache. Light beer & diet pop w/liquor will be my drinks for the evening. Must remember to make smart food decisions after drinking.
But I will say no.
It's not in my plan for today.
I WILL SAY NO.
Yesterday went very very well. I did not get in my exercise, which is unfortunate, but I did a lot of other things right, so I'm not going to beat myself up about it. For my first day back on plan after many off-days, I think I did pretty well. My menu obviously needs some tweaking, but this was a vast improvement. Here's yesterday's menu:
Morning Quaker Minis (2)
Smart Ones (6)
Grape tomatoes w/feta & olive oil (2)
Wheat spaghetti w/spray butter & parmesan (5)
2 WW cookies (2)
100 cal pack (2)
Peanut butter (2)
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
And I was able to see a pattern of self-sabotage.
The first 8 weeks of the new year, I successfully lost weight--every single week. On the 8th week, I crossed over the 50-pound mark of weight lost. Hooray! Then the following week, I had a gain.
The week after that, I lost again, and that put me at 53.8 pounds lost, which is the most I have lost so far. And every week since then, I have gained. That's 4 WW meetings, but I did miss 3. So, 7 weeks and I have made no progress. (I didn't go to my meeting last night, I'm going to go Friday... but I hope it's not 8 weeks with no progress).
Overall, I am 1.8 pounds lighter now than I was on January 1st. I suppose I should be happy about that. There is less of me. However, seeing it put out there is eye-opening. I have gone four months with pretty much no progress. If I want to see progress, though, I need to be 100% committed again. I know the program. I can give great advice to others about ways to try harder & ways to stick to the plan... but I can't seem to follow my own advice. Whine, whine, whine, I know, right?
I have just been lazy.
After the horrible breakup, I wanted to focus on anything BUT that, so I kept my head in the WW game, hardcore. It wasn't until a month after the breakup that I started gaining weight. That was about the same time that I met Eddie. New relationships also seem to be my downfall. Eating out, getting drinks, etc. When I started dating Mike, that's when I packed on 50 extra pounds. I worked hard to get them off, and I need to keep working hard to get more off.
I've gotten into the habit of saying "OK, tomorrow is the day, I'll just have one more bad day to get it out of my system". But that ONE MORE DAY just keeps coming. Even this morning, I thought "hmm, maybe I'll swing by McDonald's and get my LAST bad breakfast there." Why bother with one more bad thing though? Why not just stop?! So, I didn't go.
There are 4 months left until my WW anniversary. My goal for those 4 months is to lose 20 pounds. That would put me at 60 pounds lost. Initially, I wanted to hit my 75 pound mark by my anniversary, but 35 pounds in 4 months seems like a lofty goal, so I won't set my expectations that high. That would put me at 267.6 and I haven't seen the 260s in who knows how long.
So here's to the next 20 pounds!
I'm doing horribly. But just for today, I am going to do well. Then I'll worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.
This weekend I went on another binge. Went to the store and bought $30 worth of totally crappy food, just because it sounded good.
Last night I cleaned out the cabinets and fridge of the junk food I'd bought & I threw it away. Today I go to the store and get good-for-me food.
Just for today, I can do well.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
My weekend was a little rocky... I ate out a couple times and I didn't record my food on the weekend (but did really well during the week). All in all though, I expected a loss of a couple pounds. I figured even though I had a couple little slip-ups over the weekend, it was leaps & bounds better than I had been doing.
So imagine my surprise, disappointment, and frustration when I weighed in tonight & had GAINED 2.2 more pounds.I have always been one to own up to my actions. If I'm not following the plan, it's not going to work... and the past several weeks, I've gained because I haven't even attempted to follow the plan. This week though, it just doesn't make sense. I did so many things good & right. And I have NOTHING to show for it.
I have officially gained 15 pounds this year. So excuse my eye roll when I get really nice comments from you ladies telling me how good I look. I know you wouldn't say it if you didnt' think it, but the fact is, my fat ass is 15 pounds heavier. And THAT does not look good.
I know that it's gonna take hard work to take it back off, and it's not gonna come off overnight. I know that. I'm just upset by this week's results. This is the first week that I've actually, genuinely been surprised by the scale. Ugh.
Keep on keepin' on, I suppose.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Italian Sausage & Rotini
4 servings/5 points each
3 Turkey Italian Sausage (3 points each=9 points)
3 servings whole wheat rotini (3 points/serving=9 points)
1 small can tomato sauce (about 1/2 cup=0 points)
1 can diced tomatoes--I used the onion/garlic flavor (about 1 cup=0 points)
1 small can mushrooms--I'd leave them out next time (1/4 cup=0 points)
1/4 cup lowfat parmesan (2 points)
Greek Seasoning (optional)
1. Cut up turkey sausage into desired size & cook in skillet sprayed w/cooking spray. Once sausage is cooked all the way through, add desired amount of garlic. I also like to add a little greek seasoning, but that's up to you!
2. Add tomato sauce, tomatoes, and mushrooms. Season with salt, pepper, etc to taste.
3. Cook 3 servings whole wheat rotini.
4. Combine sauce mixture and pasta, then add the parmesan cheese. Mix well & serve!
I divided this into 4 servings for 5 points each. The servings are pretty large, so if you made it into more servings, just adjust your points accordingly!
--Ate breakfast at home instead of in our cafeteria. In the cafeteria, I had been getting a biscuit w/gravy & hashbrowns... every day. Yesterday I ate cereal w/skim milk & a banana cut up in it!
--Walked 5 minutes to & from work instead of taking the shuttle from the parking area to the door
--Logged all my food (even the chocolate I ate & shouldn't have)
--Cooked! (Recipe to follow)
I had one small slip-up yesterday, but it wasn't that bad. I forgot to take the chocolate into work yesterday, so last night I was putting it in a ziplock bag to put next to my purse so I wouldn't forget it... and without even thinking, I popped a truffle in my mouth. A 2-point-per-piece truffle. And then I lost control and ate 4 more. So, 10 points worth of crappy chocolate. But, I logged it, I used 4 flex because of it, and today I will do better.
This morning I cooked a couple eggs and had a piece of 1 point bread. I haven't had real eggs in so long though, that I'm not sure my body likes them. I feel a little indigestion coming on. Usually I'm an egg beaters gal, but this time I got regular eggs. We'll see.
Next entry will have my DELICIOUS dinner recipe!