Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Struggles

I was watching TV tonight at about 7pm, after dinner. They were eating pizza.

And since then, ALL I can think about is ordering a pizza.

Now, having pizza for dinner in itself would be bad enough for me, because I know I would overeat... but I have ALREADY had dinner, so ordering pizza would be ridiculous.

But it's all I've been thinking about.

I had a 1pt WW cookie. I drank water. I still want the pizza.

Why do I want the stupid pizza? I want to lose weight. But right now, I want to taste the pizza more.

So I asked myself, what is it about the pizza that makes you want it so badly... and it's honestly just how happy tasting something good would make me. Today was a bad day. I hate my job with so much passion it's unbelievable. Today was just one more of those awful days at that hellhole. Eating some tasty pizza would make me forget about how much I hate my job. Eating some pizza would make me forget the misery. Momentarily.

Eating pizza would also bloat me like no other. It would put me over my points for the day. Then there would be leftovers and I would be tempted by them tomorrow.

I'm almost in tears here. WHY am I like this? Normal people are NOT obsessive like this about stuffing their feelings with food.

I've tried doing other things tonight. I have watched TV, I've read my book, I've played games on the computer, I've BLOGGED. But still, there's this whisper in my ear... orderpizzaorderpizzaorderpizza.

I know what I should do, but I don't know what I will do.

7 comments:

betsy said...

oh, I hate it when that happens...

you get that craving for THAT ONE FOOD!

Hang in there... go to bed, and don't do it!

Melanie said...

Hang in there Teale. You can do it. It's funny, but just reading your post made me want pizza. I just popped a sugar-free Worther's carmel into my mouth and it's helping me forget about how good pizza sounds. You know, there was this show on TLC recently (very hokey) called "I Can Make You Thin" or something like that. Even though the show was crazy, there was this one episode that had a technique which kind of makes sense. The guy had people making associations with really nasty food and pressing their fingers together to be able to later recall that thought/feeling of the repulsing food. I haven't tried it, but I wonder if it would get you out of a craving? If, when you think of pizza, you press your fingers together and it'll make you think of eating maggots or something like that. Did you happen to see this show or am I sounding like a complete idot here? I don't remember all the details, sorry. The other thing I wanted to tell you is about something that the NBC Nightly News had on last night about "Mindful Eating". It was very interesting and worth googling if you are curious. It's all about our thoughts and our power to control them. I really believe that. For me, there is this few seconds between the time that I decide I want something and the time that I actually put it into my mouth. That is when I have to figure out a strategy to intercept my actions. Know what I mean. I hope that you pass on the pizza and if all else fails go to bed! Can you take a walk or do something to get the endorphines going - ride a bike, dance, etc? Good luck, post soon to let us know how it goes.

The Better Idiot said...

If the craving really won't go away is there any way you could make your own instead of ordering, therby cutting out a lot of the bad stuff? You can make pita bread pizza (use pita as a base with toppings) and it would probably be a LOT less points. Or you could go to a take put place and buy a slice, that way you don;t have any other pizza to over eat on.

Christy Ann said...

Oh, I know that feeling so well. I even gave in to it two nights ago!

A tip: to distract you from the idea of tasty food, brush your teeth... it sounds like it won't work, but it really does!

Trisaratops said...

Oh honey, I’ve been there myself. Especially pizza!! Yum! Lately I can’t get enough peanut butter. You have all the facts, and you sound like you know the pros and cons here. I have 3 thoughts on this, from my own experience. Don’t know if they will help you, but here they are.

1. I find that when I have been lax in my diligence to eat the good stuff, and then I get back on the wagon and start being really diligent, I have more cravings. (And you are getting back on track after a little bit, yes?) For me, a little bit of it is the part of me who wants to eat pizza AND lose weight at the same time. And then there is the 5 year old in me who feels deprived when I don’t eat the pizza. So I have to evaluate what is more important. Not feeling deprived, or not feeling controlled by another food.
2. I also am the kind of gal who does not believe in eating steamed veggies and broiled fish every day for a year just to lose weight. I believe in eating pizza and things that taste good and give me pleasure. Because life is too short to be miserable, and also so I can learn how to eat just one of something I really enjoy – or how to not beat myself up, and get right back on plan if I overindulge. So I think there are times when I have to eat a slice or two and then get back on plan the next day. Also, sometimes if I wait too long to eat something that I am really craving, I will binge on it. Or, I also like what the Better Idiot said – make a lower-point version of it.
3. Sounds to me that you’re having an emotional eating moment. Which is the hardest time for me to resist favorite foods. In those moments if I can do it, I have to say to myself do you want pizza or do you want to lose weight? And even if I choose to eat the pizza, it won’t change the fact that my life is still stressful.

We have all been there!!! Here is my 4th tacky suggestion. You could always call Eddie and tell him you need an emergency make-out session! Then you can’t eat!! Hahah – I’m so funny. But also serious.

Hanlie said...

I like the new look! The previous one was a bit painful on the eyes, but this one works beautifully!

It's all about boundaries. Just as you need to set boundaries with the people in your life, you need to set boundaries with that little voice. Shut the door on him (her?) the moment he (she?) pipes up. Don't even entertain the idea.

By thinking that you might cave in, you are giving the little voice power. If you were to say, "Look, you can whine all you like, but you're not getting any pizza. So give it up! I don't want to hear another word out of you tonight!"

And then you go and have some quiet time with the Lord, or do some breathing exercises, or meditate. Something that will calm your mind, connect you to yourself and lift your spirits.

Holly said...

Oh gosh.. I so understand the call of the pizza. My brothers order it several times a week and it seems like there is always a box sitting on the kitchen counter. It's awful!! But you didn't just act on your impulse... you've thought about it, tried to distract yourself and tried to get to the root of the craving. Whether you ended up ordering it eventually or not, you are ahead of where you were a year ago.. or maybe even just a few weeks ago. Take that knowledge with you and keep on going. You can do this girly!!

PS Love this new look too.. much easier on the eyes :)