Friday, July 25, 2008

Friday WI

Today I was pleasantly surprised on the scale... I was down again!

I suppose I should put a number to things... I mentioned that I had gained about 40 pounds back... so if you knew my starting weigh, you could do the math... but I was too embarrassed to actually put it out there. When I stepped on the scale 2 weeks ago, it said 312.2

Yikes! Today though, after 2 weeks of NOT eating out like a crazy person *but still once in awhile like a normal person!* and cooking some tasty meals at home... I am at 305.2! So, in 2 week's time, just making a small modification to my life, I lost 7 pounds! That is progress I am pleased with!

Wednesday, July 23, 2008


I have done well the past week-ish. I weighed myself on 7/11 and again on 7/18 and I had lost 3 pounds! I peeked yesterday and was down another pound, so we'll see on Friday where things are at.

I have been doing really well about not eating out. I had 3 dinners out this week--one was at a stir fry place, so I did well, one was at a steakhouse, and I did indulge in a shared appetizer, as well as some sweet tea, but I took half my steak home with me, then the third place was Red Lobster, and instead of having grilled fish, I did have it fried... but I took half home with me to have for another meal. So, I am making progress. I can't change habits overnight... well, I suppose I could, but then I'm just more likely to go back to the "old" way eventually.

I've been cooking a lot, which is awesome of me! I made porcupine meatballs, stuffing burgers, and hamburger helper (ugh) this week. I did the HH last night b/c that was pretty much my only option. It was an old box that I've had in the house for months, and I had some ground beef, so I put the 2 together. I am trying really hard to get only food I need at the grocery store & make it last exactly as long as I need it to before grocery shopping again. My fridge is just about empty right now, but payday is tomorrow, so I'll get to stock up on stuff!

Exercise isn't happening just yet,but I'm easing myself in slowly. My first focus had to be to stop eating out so much. I also have a shouder injury (pulled all 4 muscles in my rotator cuff) and I'm doing occupational therapy to help with it. Kinda makes it hard to do the elliptical when I can't move my shoulder without extreme pain. One thing at a time...!

Thursday, July 17, 2008

One step at a time.

My boyfriend jumped on the bandwagon! HE actually said to ME that he is unhappy with his weight gain since we started dating, and that he wants to do something about it. This will be so much less difficult now! It's so hard to avoid temptation when the other person gives into it and encourages you to have that ice cream or that double cheeseburger too. He thinks he's being sweet by bringing me a milkshake at 10pm, but really, that's not what I need to be doing.

I would never had encouraged him to lose weight just because I was. He's a big guy, but I love 'em that way, and think he's just as good looking 40 pounds heavier as he was on the day we met. But, because he has said that he wants to lose, I am all over this now! I'm trying to be Miss Motivation and keep both of us focused.

My first plan of action has been to stop with the fast food. It was totally out of control and driven by pure laziness. This week I have cooked more than I have probably in the last 2 months. It feels good to be cooking again and trying new recipes. Right now, these recipes may not be as healthy as they will be in the future, but it is a start. I am cooking and not eating out, so this is progress.

My friend Melissa commented my last entry (don't you love when I make a little shout out to you?!) and suggested I set a small goal for myself, weight-wise. We are going to a concert in late August, and so my goal by that concert is to be back in the 290's. Yes, I have gone over to the dark side once again and am in the 300's. So, I'll keep you all posted. I have decided that Friday mornings will be when I weigh in. This is for two reasons. For one, I figure the weekends are probably the time that I am most likely to indulge. That gives me 5 weekdays to be back on track before weighing in. Then again, my second reason is that if I weigh in on friday and see positive results, or a nice loss, I may be less likely to indulge on the weekends because I don't want to lose that positie progress that I've made.

So, for right now, that is the plan. Baby steps!

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end

I have to make changes. That's all there is to it. I have made them before, what was it that changed and caused me to throw practically ALL of my hard work to the wayside? My weight and food battle HAS to be emotional. I recognize this. I can name what the problem is, but I'm unsure how to tackle the problem. I have a degree in psychology, so I can analyze this all I want, but until I find my solution, I fear that every effort will have the same conclusion. So this time, I have to have a different focus.

So let's examine things... I had a pretty great upbringing. Grandparents raised me, did a wonderful job. Parents were always a part of my life, just not full-time. This really didn't cause me any great distress or feelings of abandonment. I always felt loved. Somewhere between my 4th and 5th year, I went from an average looking toddler to a 108 pound kindergartner. It was during this year that we moved next door to my great grandma. At her house, I was given free reign to all the cheese and bread/butter I wanted. No tragic event happened, no great distress in my childhood... In fact, I was surrounded by family a lot of the time. I had friends. But I still got fat...

I was talking on the phone to a fellow weight-watcher, my friend Melissa about a week ago, and we talked about how our attachment to food has never been normal, even as children. I remember sneaking to the cookie jar & trying not to let the lid clink against the lip of the base when I tried to steal a couple cookies. I don't know why I felt the need to sneak, because odds are, if I would have asked, my parents would have permitted me to have the cookies. But even as a 7 or 8 year old, I felt shame attached to the fact that I was eating bad stuff. I was never scolded about this from my parents, they never talked about how I was fat or how I needed to eat healthier.

The ridicule always came from kids at school. I got used to it. I didn't have bad self-esteem, I just brushed off the kids (who turned into teens and then adults) who would make comments or jokes about my weight. They were just words, and my parents always instilled the "sticks and stones may break my bones" mentality.

I had a lot of friends growing up. I wasn't outcast because I was overweight. In fact, my personality was stellar and most people liked me. I was the funny fat girl. I could have an attitude if necessary, but I could also be sweet as pie. People knew who I was... ok, so it was a small school... people knew who everyone was:) I didn't have a serious boyfriend in high school, though I did get a little attention on a couple occasions, which was a nice change.

College was when I think I mistakenly thought that attention of any kind equaled good attention. I did end up meeting a couple winners out of the bunch and did have several relationships throughout college. During this time, I also joined WW for the first time and had success, losing about 40 pounds. Eventually, I gained it all back though. The summer after I graduated, I met Mike. We met in July, started dating in October, got engaged in February, and by April, I had gained about 50 pounds in about 9 months' time. In August 2007, I joined WW again. I was getting married in 7 months, and I wanted to look great. I ended up being very successful on the program. So successful, in fact, that I had to get a new wedding dress, because the one I purchased at my heaviest was over a full size too big now.

Then it all went sour. See old entries for gory details, but long story short, Mike called things off, there was a domestic battery charge, he went to jail, life goes on... I surprisingly still did very well with WW after all of that, and hit my 50 pound loss mark in February. This was the same time that I met the love of my life, Eddie. I met him when I was looking my best, and now here we are almost 6 months later, and I have once again gained ridiculous sums of weight. To the tune of about 40 pounds. He has also gained weight, and we talk about how we need to make changes.

For the first time in my life, I actually am uncomfortable in my skin. Even at my heaviest, I didn't see myself as that big. I was buying size 26 clothing, but it didnt' click that that was pretty large. I have always liked myself when I looked in the mirror, even if I wasn't totally thrilled with the package. Right now, I don't like what I see. I am very disgusted with myself. Earlier this year, I was looking the best that I ever had, and now I feel like I'm looking my worst. And this isn't just about how I look. I FEEL miserable. Bending over is a chore. Taking stairs is a chore. My back hurts, my knees hurt, I'm lethargic.

Enough is enough. While I don't know at this point WHY I continue to cycle like this, I need to search and get to the bottom of things, or else this will be a lifetime cycle.

My new goal for 2008 is to lose the weight I have gained since February. I am no longer going to attend WW meetings. I am going to do this on my own. There are other people that can do it, and I know I can too, if I put my mind to it.

I'm not usually a comment nazi, but I put a lot into this post, and I really can use all the encouragement I can get. If you've got any words of wisdom, or just a tiny little pat on the back to keep me going, I would appreciate it.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008


So I tried to take a step in the right direction today and it toally backfired and I'm sitting in my cubicle at work trying not to kick and scream and cry like a baby.

I thought that I would go to a nutritionist. I wonder about it being beneficial to me, because I basically know what I SHOULD be doing, but I'm just choosing not to... but, I thought it was worth a try. And it would be effort towards doing something good for myself. So I called my insurance to see about coverage for a nutritionist. Some plans require you to have a referral from a doctor or they won't cover the services.

So, I talk to insurance girl for awhile and she researches it and my plan doesn't cover a nutritionist for weight loss specifically. That I have to have a documented health problem to be able to have the services covered. And since I don't have a problem like diabetes or high blood pressure & am "healthy" then it's not covered. SINCE WHEN IS OBESITY NOT A HEALTH PROBLEM?!!?!

So I have to just wait until I have a heart murmur or my pancreas stops producing insulin before they will cover my visit? This is such bullshit.

*edit* I called insurance again to get a second opinion... to ask that if I got a referral from a doc that it's medically reccomended to lose weight, would it be covered. She said that the doc could send in a referral to insurance, but that it probably wouldnt' be approved b/c seeing a nutritionist for a weight loss program specifically, with no health problems, is not covered. Nevermind the fact that I am at RISK for tons of health problems, I just don't have them yet. What about preventative medicine? So they won't let me see a nutritionist now, but say in a year when I have to see a doc b/c I am having health problems, it's going to cost insurance a hell of a lot more money then than it would now. I feel so angry. It took so much for me to get on that phone, to make the decision that I would see someone, and now it's not even possible. It's hard to admit that you cannot help yourself & you need someone to help you... and even harder after you try and try again and get nowhere. I can see why people remain overweight if they dont' get anywhere when trying. Why bother, right?

Monday, July 7, 2008


I cancelled my WW subscription today. So I am paid up thru August 20, which means I did join the program for a year like I said I would... it's a shame I have not really participated since about February though.

6 wasted months on WW times $40/month equals 30 pounds Teale has regained.

I can't shake the "oh well" attitude I have about it. Kind of just feel like "well, it was bound to happen eventually... it always does..."

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

What's going on

I haven't written a HYC checkin in awhile, and this week is no different... instead, I give you this:

Kathy just wrote a great post that you should check out. It talks about how so many of us stop blogging just because our weight loss efforts (or lack thereof) have stalled. Maybe some get tired of just focusing on counting points, calories, whatever, and blogging about how they're doing with that. She challenges us to still write about our lives, even when we're not writing about weight-loss. We come to appreciate our blogger friends b/c of who they are as people, not how they're doing with their weight loss efforts. Maybe we started reading them because we had that one link in common, but over time, we care about them more than just that tiny aspect of their life.

So, I'm blogging. I keep another blog that I write about my daily life in, but if you don't read that (and I believe only one of you does b/c it's on a site that you have to have an account or reader password to access), then you might not even know much about me and what's going on in my life. So let's change that. I'm going to write a brief little synopsis of things, and if you have any questions or things you'd like to know about me or want me to share, ask away... everythign is fair game!

I am 24 years old, and I live in central Illinois. I have a degree in psychology, but I work in a job where it's not required, nor does it pay well. This has me down in the dumps recently, and until I find something new & rewarding, I highly doubt I will be able to focus on anything weight-loss related.

2008 started out as a really rough year for me. I was supposed to be married in March, but 2 months before the wedding, my ex-fiance called things off. There was quite a bit of drama surrounding this, which involved him getting a domestic battery charge & spending a bit of time in jail for that & for violating my restraining order. Thankfully he's no longer in my life. Shortly after that drama ensued, I met a wonderful man named Eddie. He and I have been dating for a little over 4 months, and I honestly have never in my life been happier with a partner. I won't deny that I did love my ex-fiance, but I didn't really know what it was like to love someone like I love Eddie. It's totally different, and was definately worth all the heartache I've suffered in the past to finally have someone like him.

I have a variety of hobbies that include reading, scrapbooking, crocheting, letterboxing (look that one up!), and just about anything else creative that I can get my hands on. I have a habit of starting projets but not finishing them (trend, perhaps?), so that's something I want to work on.

Anyway, at least I made a post, and that's gotta count for something, right?