Saturday, May 10, 2008

Perseverance

per·se·ver·ance
–noun
1. steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., esp. in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.

I have always known that when I reach my 75 pound goal, I will get another tattoo. That's been my reward for about 9 months now, and I have been looking forward to it. (A little fun fact about me--I have 5 tattoos, none of which you would know I have unless wearing capris or a tank top). I set that as my reward back in August, yet I didn't know what I would get. All I knew was that I wanted it to be a word that represented my weight loss journey. The word perseverance always came to mind when thinking of what word could encapsulate my hard work. I have since decided on a different word & have designed my future tattoo, but it will remain a secret until I meet my 75 pound goal. It is not this word, however. But I wanted to talk about this word.

What keeps us going? When we fall down flat on our faces, whatever our program may be, what is it that makes some of us shake ourselves off & get back up, and makes some of us feel dejected, like we'll never be able to do this?

I've been both of those people. I've had my moments where I wanted to stay flat on my face and kick and scream and cry and say "I don't wanna!". It's hard work to stick with something like this. And it's not fun sometimes. There are days when I want to say, "Screw you healthy food, I'm getting a pizza. And ice cream." And sometimes I do get pizza. And ice cream. Like yesterday. But then there are times when I say "You know what, Teale. It's your decision to be unhealthy, just like it's your decision to be healthy. And nothing worth having in this world comes easy, so get off your shrinking butt and get your chin up, we've got some work to do."

In my real life, I am a generally upbeat person. Sometimes I'll mope around in my blog & write about stuff that gets me down, but I usually put on a pretty good front. I am notorious for pushing others away when I'm having personal life struggles. I want to be the strong one. It's because I've always had to be. I can't say where all my personality traits came from or began, but I can absolutely tell you where this one comes from. When I was 16, my dad passed away suddenly. My mom was obviously devastated, as was I, but because she was falling to pieces, someone had to stay strong. And that person was me. When I would go out and get our groceries or run our errands, people would always ask, "How's your mom doing?" but never EVER would they ask, "How are you doing?" Since noone asked, I learned to keep how I was feeling bottled inside. And to this day, I still do it.

But Thursday I was really having a hard day. I was off work, and just feeling really miserable about a lot of things in my life. The main thing is my extreme unhappiness with my job. Extreme. That is sort of at the root of things, and it makes me not want to make my effort where Weight Watchers is concerned. I stayed home all day on Thursday, in my pajamas. I didn't want to do a single thing but mope. I ate like crap, more or less, and you know what, momentarily, it DID make me feel better. But after I ate that pizza, I still felt just as shitty, if not more, than I did before eating it. It was just one of those days where I felt like throwing in the towel.

But I'm not. I will persevere.

Only I have the power to make me into the person I want to become. Outside forces, no matter how powerful they seem at the time, are not responsible for me going off plan. I am responsible for that. And there are still going to be days when I want to quit, and there are still going to be days, I'm sure, where I eat something I shouldn't, in quantities I shouldn't... but the more important part is what I do after I make that bad decision. It's whether I decide to be the person that stays on the ground after I've fallen, or the person that stands up, dusts herself off, and keeps on trying.

Persevere.

7 comments:

Heather said...

and I know that you will continue to persevere. I know you will see this through to the end. The reality is, this is hard and will always be hard. Im having a hard time because Im not giving up or eating like crap, etc and Im still not getting anywhere. so whether you are doing your worst or your best, sometimes it isnt good enough and you still have to stick wtih it regardless.

In general though, I just think its a mentality that people have. some people will lose their weight but wont keep it off because they dont have that mentality. They dont see that this is within their control. they dont want to fight for what they want. Then there are others that know they control what happens to them and know that if they can have power over their choices and thinking, they will be successful. and they usually are.

Hanlie said...

Dr Phil said something along the lines of sometimes just having to treat ourselves the way we want others to treat us. So, ask yourself from time to time "How am I?" Not what am I eating, how many calories have I consumed, what is the scale saying, etc. Just "how am I?" And wait for the answer... When we are prepared to listen, our bodies, our hearts and even the universe can reveal great truths to us.

Lora said...

We all fall down sometimes - as long as we remember to get back up is what really counts! You can do this. It won't be easy. The good things in life never are...but you're right - perserverance is the key that will ulock the door. Go out and get some good running shoes. It will be totally worth it. (Your feet and knees will thank you!) And then start with week one again on Cto5k. And if it's hard - go ahead and repeat week one. The key is (and I'm borrowing this word from you(!) perservere! I'm behind you 100%

Diet Coke and Zingers said...

Keep on keepin on!

Lyn said...

All we can do is keep on trying. We only fail when we give up completely. I am so glad you are persevering! We will get there...

Twix said...

Keep going girl! You'll get there! (((hugs)))

Twix said...

Lol, no I don't live with a bunch of chickens!! Heee!! I do live with 6 other people who can be easily fed on a lot of eggs. I just happened to look in the warm fridge and go omg! Lol, I couldn't believe how many eggs had accumulated. So I suppose this is a good time as any to purge out all those eggs. Into pies and yummy breakfast stuff! :)