Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Change gon' come

I overdid it last week. I didn't grocery shop and instead ate junk, and it was stupid. I gained 2 pounds, and to be honest, I expected more. I ate and ate and ate. I realized that in the month of January, I kind of did a half-ass job, and still lost 10 pounds (well, 8 after that gain on Monday), but that half-assing it isn't going to make 10 pounds disappear in the month of February. I've got to give 100% more than just 75% of the time. I haven't been to the gym in lord knows how long, so that above all else, really needs to be the habit that I get back into.

Back in April 2008, I wrote a letter to myself, and I think that re-reading this will be helpful to me. I encourage others to write a letter like this when you need reminding of why you started your journey.

April 15, 2008
Dear Old Self,

On August 22, 2007 I took a vow to leave you behind. At first it was easy. I was motivated to find the New Self, and I walked away from you pretty much without even looking back. I gave up your desire for greasy McDonald's, daily candy bars, and calorie-filled, sugar-loaded pop. New Self was winning the battle, and pounds dropped off. I think New Self lost 30 pounds in 3 months. It was a great ego boost, let me tell you. New Self was kicking Old Self's ass.

Around Thanksgiving time, Old Self, you tried to sneak your way back into my life. I tried to remain strong & remember how great New Self felt, but you were trying your hardest to be the boss in my life again. I fought back hard too though, and even though I didn't lose like I had been, I still came through the holidays weighing less than I did at the beginning of them.

The new year came, and New Self was feeling lazy and tired... you are a fighter, Old Self... You were really fighting to win my life over again, and I felt exhausted from fighting you! I went through some tough times in my personal life starting in January, and New Self started to feel defeated. Why bother? New Self tried to at least hold on a little through the storm, but Old Self, you seemed to be getting stronger.

Eventually New Self gave up. New Self was tired of fighting and it was easier to just back down and let you take charge again. I thought that New Self had totally hit the road, never to be seen again. Old Self, you have been ruining my life. You have got to go. I'm not happier with you around, and I'm certainly not healthier. Sometimes we keep old friends in our lives just because they've been there for so long. They might not be the best thing for us anymore (maybe they never were), but we feel attached to them in a very strong way. Well, Old Self, you are not my friend anymore. It's time to say goodbye.

I think in August, I really just said "see ya later" to you, but this time, I have to say goodbye for good. We can't meet again in the future, not if I want to be a healthy person and have New Self in my life. We have to close this chapter. You've been a close friend, Old Self, but I can't say you've been a "good" friend. You've been there for me when others weren't, but I know New Self will eventually be stronger than you ever were. It will just take time for New Self to thrive. But the good news is that even though you returned, New Self didn't really abandon me like I thought. Somehow, New Self held on through the rough waters lately, because she wants to be my best friend now.

New Self has grown her wings. It's time to fly.



Hanlie said...

Yes, spread your wings! You can do it!

Jim Purdy said...

Interesting letter to "Old Self." My version of Old Self is what I call my IBM, or "Inner Binge Monster."

Whatever we call it, it's a struggle. Best wishes to you.

Lori said...

you know what's weird. I lost 10 lbs right off the bat too. and i've gained about 2 back.

Lyn said...

Maybe if we take your half-ass and my half-ass and put them together, we can make a whole ass.


February is our month, Teale. Let's kick some!

Heather said...

some weeks just arent our best, but dont let it bother you because you have been doing great and I know that at the start of another week, you can make it a good one.