Big Changes

Two whole months+ have gone by since writing here, huh? I guess I got tired of writing the same old "I've gained my weight back, I've gotta get back on track... I've gotta get my head in the game.. blah blah blah" It's the same stuff, just said in different words, and I was tired of it.

I'd love to come back here and write and say that I've been doing great with my weight, but you know that's not the case at all. In fact, my weight is probably the highest it's ever been. I say probably, because my scale weighs up to a certain amount, and after that says "error". And we've been in "error" territory for awhile now. Happiness makes me fat, what can I say? And this might sound like the wrong thing to say, but right now, I just don't care. Am I happy with my body, no... not at all... not even a little bit. But I'm happy with SO MANY OTHER THINGS. Shouldn't I be happy for those things, instead of focusing on the negative with my weight? Do I still want to get healthy and eat better *eventually*? Yes. But is it consuming my life right now? No.

Let me tell you what is going on in my life right now. I'm getting married next month, for one. When I started this blog, I was planning a wedding, and that was a huge motivating factor for my weight loss. You'd think it would be this time too, but it's just not. Plain and simple. Is my wedding day still going to be amazing, whether I'm wearing a 14 or a 24? Yes. Is my fiance still going to love me, even if I don't drop 50 pounds before the wedding? yes. The wedding day is about the promise we're making to each other, it's not about how good I look in a white dress. But I must say, I do look pretty stunning, even if I am in my size 24.

On top of planning a wedding that is about 40 days away, my fiance and I closed on a house on June 30. We've been working on cleaning and painting since we bought it, and our big move is tomorrow. We don't currently live together, so this is a major milestone in our relationship. We currently both live in a bigger town where fast food every day is the norm, simply because of its convenience. We will now be living in a small town where everything shuts down after like 9pm. Hopefully this will help with our spontaneous fast food stops.

Also on my mind is the state of my job. Back in March, I started what I consider to be the perfect job for me. I'm doing prevention work at small-town mental health agency. I go into schools in the county and deliver alcohol & drug prevention curriculum to middle-schoolers. I love it. So much. But unfortunately, Illinois is notorious for cutting funding to social services. We are all ready 51st in the nation (even after Washington D.C.) for the funding allocated to social services. So that means we are DEAD LAST. And our legislators right now are wanting to cut the money to services even more, about 50%, to make up for the enormous deficit we have in our state funds right now. The fiscal year started 7/1, but we don't yet have a budget... the bad thing is, when we do have one, it could mean the cuts will impact my job. Our agency is choosing to operate month-to-month until a budget is in place, because we have some reserves saved up... but many agencies have all ready made huge layoffs, expecting the worst. It's very unfortunate, not only that I may lose my job, but that so many people will be without the services they so desperately need.

So, I've just bought a house, I'm getting married next month, and I may get laid off... these are the things that have been on my mind... not the weight loss. But I'm ok with that for right now. Sometimes you just gotta keep on keepin' on.