Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Day One Meltdown

So wanna hear a good recipe for disaster?  Starting your healthy eating/exercise plan on the same day that you go back to work after having 4 days off, as well as it being that lucky time of the month for me.

I did good for 2/3 of the day.  Really good.   In fact, I still had 35 points left going into dinner and I'm wondering how on earth am I gonna eat all those points?  (Anyone else doing the new WW have this same issue... now that fruits/veggies are zero points, I feel like I have soooo many points & don't know what to do with them!)  So I go to make dinner... and the kitchen is a mess.  There's no clean silverware or plates because we haven't gotten them cleaned up for our big holiday fun times... and I have a total meltdown.  All I can think about is how I want to eat the Reese's that I got in my stocking and I want to have my favorite pizza that wasn't open on our "last night of freedom".  And I pouted like a big dumb baby.  And I cried. 

It was DAY ONE and I was already having a freakout?  We were supposed to work out with our trainer that day, but she called sounding sick as a dog, so we didn't work out.  I have high anxiety about going places & doing things that I've never done before, so I opted not to go to the gym on my own w/o the trainer there to explain how things work.  So I blew it off. 

And then I start to feel guilty because I'm supposed to be there for Eddie and it's DAY ONE and I'm already talking about how I want to eat crap for "just one more day" and he's trying to be supportive, like we talked about, and telling me about how good we did all day & how he'll cook dinner & wash dishes, and I was just being a brat & wasn't having any of it.  I wanted my damn peanut butter cups and pizza.  Like a freaking child.  And so I ate them.  And temporarily it made me feel better--but I've gotta find a way to feel better w/o running back to the old standby, cuz that's what got me here!  So I counted my remaining 35 points for the day, as well as the 49 flex for the week as all used up, and I turned on the Biggest Loser for some focus. 

Today is a new day.  And yesterday wasn't a complete failure.  I ate way healthier yesterday than I have for several weeks.  So I binged a little at dinnertime--I'm not proud of it--but I still did better than before.  Until 6:30PM, it was a great day.  And so today I'll work harder to stay focused all day.  I know I can do it, it's just a matter of doing it.


Twix said...

Ok I know you know this. STOP IT!

As for the 35 points or whatever is left for the day you don't have to eat them. Eat some and leave the rest and don't add them back into anything. They're just gone. ;-)

I know you can do this. You know you can do this. And he knows you can do this, good man!

If you want, since I've moved and if you can have a buddy at the gym if they have passes or let ya, my offer to you is I will come up and exercise once this month with you - because I know what it means to have support. What do you say?

melissa said...

good job with the honesty...its hard to admitt the things were not quite proud of but its a step in the right direction!!