No, this isn't an entry about how I've gone all crazy and been bingeing like mad the past week or so (though I know some of you crazies that read this would love that, right?). This is an entry about a *different* kind of lack of control... a good kind, actually.
The times in my life where I've been one to gorge on food because of whatever reason (happiness, sadness, all a previous reason to binge), I thought it was due to lack of control. I thought I lacked the control to straighten out and not eat like crazy. When in reality, it was just the opposite... I was in total control. But control isn't always a good thing. When things have been amiss in my life in the past, the one thing I could control was food. I was deciding that if I couldn't control all the other stuff that was going on, I could at least control food, and I was going to control it to my little heart's content... in a bad way. I was going to make the decision to eat whatever junk I wanted--because I was the boss & I was in control.
At the time, I didn't realize that... at the time, I thought it was a total lack of control that made my weight soar over 300 pounds. But hindsight is 20/20 and I didn't lack control. I freaking OWNED that food.
So flash forward to now... eating healthy, living the WW plan, etc. I should be IN CONTROL now, right? Only the thing is, if I'm "in control" it means that food is something that I need to have power over. I give food enough credit that if I'm not in control of it, then it will control me, right? I give food way too much credit.
I read a lot of weight loss blogs, and I know that not everyone will agree with my rambly thoughts up there... but I've seen so many of my online weight loss friends become OBSESSED with food, exercise, counting calories, etc. And in my mind, that means that food and things associated with it (even if it's HEALTHY food, etc) are the ones controlling you, not vice versa (Who has seen a number on the scale, for instance, and let it dictate their entire mood, for example?). Do I believe in being aware of what you eat, what activity you're doing, etc? Yes, of course, but I'm moving beyond the aspect of control... on my part, or food's part. It's just not that important. My health is important, of course, but I will not allow food to be the thing that makes me happy when I'm sad or celebrates with me when I'm happy. Food's purpose is to nourish my body, and that's it. So rather than agonize over food and what's off limits, etc, I'm letting go of that control. Call me crazy, but as long as I think of food as this big, powerful thing that can threaten my success, I'll be constantly worried that I won't be able to succeed. I'm throwing that idea away. I will succeed. You'll see.