Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Lack of Control

No, this isn't an entry about how I've gone all crazy and been bingeing like mad the past week or so (though I know some of you crazies that read this would love that, right?).  This is an entry about a *different* kind of lack of control... a good kind, actually.

The times in my life where I've been one to gorge on food because of whatever reason (happiness, sadness, all a previous reason to binge), I thought it was due to lack of control.  I thought I lacked the control to straighten out and not eat like crazy.  When in reality, it was just the opposite... I was in total control.  But control isn't always a good thing.  When things have been amiss in my life in the past, the one thing I could control was food.  I was deciding that if I couldn't control all the other stuff that was going on, I could at least control food, and I was going to control it to my little heart's content... in a bad way.  I was going to make the decision to eat whatever junk I wanted--because I was the boss & I was in control.

At the time, I didn't realize that... at the time, I thought it was a total lack of control that made my weight soar over 300 pounds.  But hindsight is 20/20 and I didn't lack control.  I freaking OWNED that food. 

So flash forward to now... eating healthy, living the WW plan, etc.  I should be IN CONTROL now, right?  Only the thing is, if I'm "in control" it means that food is something that I need to have power over.  I give food enough credit that if I'm not in control of it, then it will control me, right?  I give food way too much credit. 

I read a lot of weight loss blogs, and I know that not everyone will agree with my rambly thoughts up there... but I've seen so many of my online weight loss friends become OBSESSED with food, exercise, counting calories, etc.  And in my mind, that means that food and things associated with it (even if it's HEALTHY food, etc) are the ones controlling you, not vice versa (Who has seen a number on the scale, for instance, and let it dictate their entire mood, for example?).  Do I believe in being aware of what you eat, what activity you're doing, etc?  Yes, of course, but I'm moving beyond the aspect of control... on my part, or food's part.  It's just not that important.  My health is important, of course, but I will not allow food to be the thing that makes me happy when I'm sad or celebrates with me when I'm happy.  Food's purpose is to nourish my body, and that's it.  So rather than agonize over food and what's off limits, etc, I'm letting go of that control.  Call me crazy, but as long as I think of food as this big, powerful thing that can threaten my success, I'll be constantly worried that I won't be able to succeed.  I'm throwing that idea away.  I will succeed.  You'll see.


Chubby McGee said...

I understand what you're saying. One of my buddies who recently lost over 85 lbs. told me that she started putting food into her body that she NEEDS. She worked around the "I'm not allowed to eat that" controlling thing that so many weight losing people do.

Good for you! You're going to be successful. As long as you want to be healthy, you will be healthy.

*big hugs*

Sarah said...

Your post totally hit home. I, too, emotionally eat when I feel out of control. If I can't control her behavior, I'll control food. If I can't control the fact that we haven't received all of our tax information but really need our refund, I'll control food. Because I can.

And OMG -- you're right! Food doesn't need to be controlled. It has no power. No power to influence. No power to comfort. No power to shame.

It's only use is nourishment. Thank you for helping me see this more clearly!

Bad Credit Loan said...

There are all the things which are related to the lack of control. If we control the things in proper way then those things will provide us results in proper manner.

Amy Eades said...

Tealeth, it was never a lack of control that caused you to gain weight. You are exactly right about that. You are a very disciplined and well-balanced person.

But I want you to keep one thing in mind: your genes are working against you. You only have to look around our family to know that. Even Uncle Dicky and Uncle Paul, who were bean poles until they hit their 50s are now overweight. The last research I read found that genetics are at least 60% of the equation when it comes to body type and weight loss.

This does not mean you can't succeed. You *are* succeeding and you will continue to do so. Just remember that it's more difficult for some of us than others.

Hugs 'n kisses. So proud of you <3

Amy Jo

Teale said...

While genetics can certainly play a part in obesity, I think that 90% of the battle is mental. Thinking positively is going to be key to my success, and while many in the family are obese, I don't plan to be one forever!