Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Long time, no... blog?

Yes, I have been MIA, as I mentioned I might be. Too much going on to maintain everything on here as well as maintain my personal life & end up with a bit of sanity remaining. I have tried to stop by a few blogs, but I have over 300 updated entries in my google reader, and it's quite overwhelming. So, if I haven't been to your blog in awhile, it's nothing personal.

This was a rough week for me. A LOT more is going on in my personal life than I care to share here. It's not that I feel I have to hide it, I just prefer not to discuss it at this point. I blogged about it in my other blog, and I had about 50 people all coming at me with questions, which was very obtrusive & overwhelming. I know that people that have questions are just concerned and want to understand the situation better, but I need to worry about myself, not about easing other people's minds. But, I digress.

I have been spending a lot of time with friends lately. And while this is fun and always a good time, it also usually equals eating out. And while I am perfectly capable of making smart choices, this past week I just didn't feel like it. I felt like just not worrying about everything that went into my mouth for one week. I figured I would gain several pounds. I was OK with that. I just wanted an easy, carefree week, as far as food is concerned. I think part of it is self-sabotaging. I am so close to my 50-pound mark, but it's a big mental hurdle to get across. I don't really have the words to describe it, but it's knowing that you've gone SO FAR, but also seeing that you have EVEN FARTHER to go. I am about to lose 50 pounds, but I am still going to weigh almost 280 pounds. Sometimes that's overwhelming, and sometimes for a brief period of time, I just want to forget about it. So, I did this week.

However, I must have done a TINY bit right, because I still lost .2 pounds. Two tenths of a pound. Better than a gain, let me tell you. I have been inching towards the 270s for what seems like forever, but it's coming, a tiny bit at a time. So my total lost since August 21st is now 46.6 pounds.

I ordered pizza last night after my meeting. Tuesday is usually my "splurge" meal after weigh-ins. I was going to get chicken tenders from a fast food place (Culvers actually has pretty points-friendly tenders), but it was like a monsoon outside, so I ordered pizza. I ate two pieces, but now I have this pizza looming at me from the fridge. I ate two more pieces for dinner tonight.

And then I went to the gym for the first time in a month. I worked out for at least an hour. Maybe an hour & 15 minutes. I did the bike & walked on the treadmill. It was a mild workout, but it was good. It was progress. I had plans to meet my friend at the gym at 7, but instead I went about 20 minutes early. She was running late, and I wondered if she was coming, but I just kept right on with my workout. Eventually she did make it and joined me, but even if she hadn't, I was going strong!

I don't know if 3.4 is too much of a loss to ask for this week or not. I've had several weeks in the past where I've lost 4+ out of the blue, after several weeks of slow losses or gains. So, I suppose anything is possible. If not though, I know I'll get there. I'll get there when I'm ready. And if next week is the week I'm ready, I know I'll be given the loss.


Scale Junkie said...

I've been thinking about you. I know sometimes people who mean well ask questions they shouldn't. Just hold your head high and ignore them. When you are ready to talk about it, you'll know and if you don't ever want to talk about it here, just know thats ok too!

I'm so glad you blogged, you've been on my mind so much lately. Please take very good care of yourself and update when you can.

The Princess Dieter said...

Oh, it's so good to hear from you. I have been thinking about you as well. And honey, your personal life is yours, and I don't feel I have any right to ask. If you wanna tell or don't wanna tell, that's all right with me.

All I care about is that you get through it and to a happy place--both in terms of healthy eating and in terms of personal happiness, well-being, sanity, etc.

So, you do what you need to heal up. And if that means enjoying a meal out, then do that. If you do fine 6 days out of 7, you will make progress. If you have 9 healthy meals out of 10, you will get healthier. So, march on, sister!

And I"m glad your have friends to kvetch and console with. That matters a whole helluva lot. :)

Thanks for checking in so we worry less.

The Princess

Chubby Chick said...

I think the fact that you went to the gym and got in such a great workout in spite of eating not quite OP is fantastic! The exercise is going to not only burn calories, but make you feel better emotionally, too.

Hang in there! You can do this! Take care of yourself first and foremost! :)

Anonymous said...

The important thing is that you take care of you! We've all been worried and have been thinking of you. I perfectly understand that you stepped back from blogging. Even when everything is going well in one's life, it takes a lot of time and effort to blog and keep up with everyone else's blog! So nobody's blaming you there.
Take care of yourself my dear.

Lidian said...

Hi Teale, I was so glad to see you in my Google Reader - thank you for catching up with us. Just keep taking care of yourself and don't worry about keeping up with other blogs or people with advice, however well meaning, who don't know you really...

Hanlie said...

It's good to hear from you again!

You may find that your "mindless week" will only show up on the scale next week. But maybe your workouts will counteract that effect!

Keep going, girl! It's worth it! And spending time with your friends is excellent...

Heather said...

losing weight is definitely very overwhelming. I know I just try to focus on small goals so that the big goal doesnt seem to big. I just think, ok when I get to the 180s, or 30 pounds lost, or whatever and it always helps. And now here I am, 11 pounds from goal. So obviously what you have done is amazing (and you are so close to 50 and me 40), you should celebrate that and then set a mini goal for yourself and dont htink about getting to the end, just take it a day at a time and work your way down there and soon you will be close and think, wow I cant beleive I am here.

Glad you had a loss and dont you dare sabatage yourself!!

Fatty said...

Im glad to see you back - I missed reading your posts.

Felicia said...

Just stopping by to wish you a wonderful weekend!!

I was so glad to see that you posted. Take care of yourself ok!!


*ccc* said...

You know what, Teale? You're human and what you're going through is tough...sometimes you need to put the focus on you, getting yourself well and in a good place, then you can refocus on your weight loss efforts.

So you splurged a little. It's okay. You saw what you were doing, you did something about it (hello, exercise!) and you're moving forward, taking care of yourself.

That's the best thing you can do...know there's a lot of positive energy being sent your way.