*this is a long one... and one that is long overdue....*
I continue to lack in the blogging department. And I don't really know why, aside from lack of time to sit down and actually write anything meaningful. I used to write a lot at work, but for some reason, my blog is now a blocked site. I can still access just about everyone else's blogs at work, but just not mine. I browse through my google reader pretty much daily, but I've neglected quite a handful. The main reason being that they update so often, I feel as though I can't keep up. And that's pretty crappy of me, so I'm sorry! My method is to always check out my "originals" first. The ladies that I've followed since creating this blog. Even if I'm not commenting, odds are I am still reading.
So what's been going on with me? My main battle lately has been mental. I had this attitude in my head that I would never reach 50 pounds lost. And because of that, it took me a really long time to get from 40 to 50 lost. Well, I suppose "a really long time" is all relative, but compared to my previous losses, taking 6 weeks to lose 10 pounds is a long time for me. But I did it. And really, it seems so surreal to me. I mean, if I was talking to a stranger and they told me "I lost 52 pounds," I would be ecstatic for them! I'd congratulate them & let them know what an inspiration they are to me. But when it's ME that's lost that weight, I don't celebrate myself like that. It's kind of hard to explain, but it's almost like I don't believe that I've really accomplished what I have.
When I was in a relationship with Mike, I feel like I never saw myself ever reaching my goal. He always told me how much he enjoyed my curvy, womanly body. He always used to say that he didn't see beauty at 120 pounds, he just wasn't programmed that way. So, while I have no intention of ever wanting to actually be 120 pounds, knowing that if I lost some of my curves, he might not be attracted to me physically, was definately sort of a mental roadblock for me. And now that he's no longer in the picture, I still haven't quite kicked that roadblock to the curb.
I have started dating someone new. It was unexpected, and I wasn't trying, but it happened. And while it seems like I "moved on" quite quickly, perhaps if you knew the whole story, you'd understand why it wasn't that hard. I know that I haven't written about it on this blog, but I suppose I owe some kind of explanation. My cousin Amy sometimes reads this, and I don't believe she's aware of these details, as I asked my family not to share them with others (with my mom having 16 brothers/sisters, you tell one person something, and within a week, everyone knows!). I trust her with this information though, so I suppose it's time that I share.
In early January (the 14th), Mike lost his job unexpectedly. That was on a Monday. By Wednesday, he had decided he was going home to Alabama, without me. Decided just to drop me, just like that I suppose. Enter lots of heartache, blah blah blah. On his way to Alabama, he wrecked his car. I think I may have written about this? So I went to get him, he had to come back, we thought maybe we'd work on things. Well, eventually the heartache turned into doubt and worry. I was wondering what would stop him from just dropping me suddenly again, in the future. So while he made the initial decision to leave me & cancel our future together, I then decided that I could never trust him in the same way again & agreed now with his decision. The following Wednesday, I went to see a friend in Iowa. He was supposed to move all his stuff out of the apartment while I was gone. When I returned, some had been moved, but not all. He was no longer staying there though. The Monday after that (January 28), I returned home from work to find him in my apartment, asleep in my bed. He still had a key. Before waking him, I removed the key from his keyring. Then I woke him & told him he needed to get the rest of his belongings & get out. He refused, and I told him I'd call someone to escort him out then. Then he made a pretty stupid decision. One that of course he now blames me for, because that's how he is (it's always someone ELSE'S fault). He flew up out of bed and stormed down the hallway after me. Once in the living room, he puffed his chest out, pushing into me, walking forward (thus causing me to walk backwards), and this action pushed me down onto the couch. I told him calmly to get out of my face, and to leave now. He was completely out of control, in my face yelling, acting completely insane. Then he put his hand up in my face, in the shape of a fist. Then he punched me in the thigh. Out of reflex & defense, I hit him in the groin. He reeled back for a minute, but then that only made him more angry. I had stood up at this point, and he lunged at me again. I put my arm up to block him as he lunged at me, and that caused my shoulder to get hurt when his body slammed into it. He stormed out of the room & I ran out of the apartment & called 911. Cops came, he admitted to what he did, he was arrested, and he spent 4 days in jail. I went to court & got an emergency order of protection. Within an hour of getting out of jail, he'd all ready begun violating the order by calling me & leaving harrassing voicemails. The last straw though was when he called my elderly parents at 2 in the morning swearing at them and screaming at them. I'd had enough. So I called the cops on him again for violating the order. They listened to my messages (which were quite flavorful, let me tell you... he's really not too smart to be leaving harrassing & threatening messages as proof that he's off the deep end). Nothing ever came of it though. He wasn't arrested again, nada. Apparently my restraining order didn't do crap for me. Whatever. So this whole time, I'd been telling cops, the judge, anyone that would listen, that I thought he was suffering from a manic episode & needed psychiatric treatment. I've left out some big chunks, but just trust me... I've got a degree in psychology, and I know mania when I see it. He'd never been diagnosed as being bipolar, but I always believed he was. Though I'd never seen a manic episode from him quite like this. Sooo.... through a series of bizarre events that I won't go into right now, he finally was hospitalized & diagnosed as having Bipolar Disorder. He spent a week in the behavioral services floor of a local hospital. While I realize it was his illness causing his behavior, I have absolutely no desire whatsoever to speak to him, see him, whatever. It's unfortunate that things happened the way they did, but I'm certainly not sitting around thinking "woe is me".
Whew! So I didn't write all that for sympathy, pity, whatever... I just wrote it b/c I hadn't shared it on here & I thought I should. If you made it through all that, pat yourself on the back:)
So, as I was saying... I met a new boy. We've been spending a lot of time with one another, and it's nice. He's a change of pace, and I think we all need that... *insert clever transition*
Speaking of change of pace... I need to do something to change up my program. I have fallen into the rut that I didn't want myself to get in... and that's the rut of finding what is tasty & fits w/in your daily points & eat that... often. Meaning I've had a half turkey sandwich & a salad for lunch every day this week. When I first started my WW journey in August, I started this blog as a WW recipe blog... hence the name "Teale's Meals". I haven't shared recipes in quite some time though, and I'd like to get back to doing that. I'm thinking maybe even just a weekly post sharing the new recipes or items that I tried that week. The next couple months may not hold too much as far as trying new stuff goes, as I've recently gotten a 2nd job. It's just a temp job, 3 evenings a week from 6-10pm. So on those days, I work 7-530 at job #1, and 6-10 at job #2. And that does NOT leave time for any cooking! The extra money will be worth it though!
So anyway, this was insanely long, and if you are still reading, I'm surprised! LOL I didn't make it to my meeting on Tuesday b/c I had an out of town friend visiting (and I didn't really want to see the scale!), but I am going to a meeting tomorrow at noon. So, I'll give my weight update then!