...you have to have faith that it will be okay.
Since marrying my best friend in the world, our life has not been easy. Our *relationship* has been fantastic and wonderful and every other good word that there is... but life, it's been HARD. I won't go into the details of everything, but my husband was injured at work before we were married, and he hasn't worked in nearly 2 years. Thankfully we receive a worker's comp check each week, but it's a fraction of what he would be making if able to work, and on top of that, my 40 hours were cut to 35 back in July. So while 5 hours doesn't seem like much, it adds up when you're hurting as it is. Financially, this has been the most difficult year ever. But we keep on trucking, because really, that's all you can do. Our mortgage payment is always our priority, followed by utilities, but sometimes other bills have had to be late because the money just wasn't there.
On top of our financial issues, there have been a number of health issues in our little family, as well as with extended family. I won't elaborate much, because although this is my blog and I don't mind sharing about myself, I don't know that others would want their business broadcast on the internet. So let's just say it's been a hard time, health-wise for people I love, and that has impacted me throughout the last year or so.
There have been times over the past year that I've felt so overwhelmed and felt that I was carrying the world on my shoulders, just trying to keep it all together. I've always been "the fixer" and unfortunately that role oftentimes gets utilized so often that people don't realize it takes a toll on a person. Also, being the fixer, you learn to put others before yourself. In theory, that concept is great; I have always been one to worry about others and help others whenever possible... but in reality, if you always put others first, you never have to/get to worry about yourself. And that's probably been why I am the weight I am. It can be my excuse, and it has been... I can't worry about losing weight right now because so and so needs me, or I need to be there for so and so... I allow myself to be less important so that I don't have to face my fears and let go of the weight once and for all.
But I'm not going to do that anymore.
I never used to let people do things for me (even though I did nice things for others, I hated for people to go out of their way for me). However, last week, a kind stranger did something for my family that is going to change our lives if we let it. This woman reached out to my husband and I and offered us a gift that will help us stay on track and get our weight under control. I know that sounds rather vague, but it's all I plan to share publicly, again, because this is my space, not other peoples' and I don't want to share more than others would be comfortable with.
It's time to really embrace taking time for myself and making myself a priority. There's nothing wrong with that, and I need to work towards realizing that. And there's also nothing wrong with telling someone else that I can't give them what they're needing from me right now because I have to be a little selfish for awhile. Being selfless has allowed me to put myself on the back burner.. and it's time for me to take the wheel for awhile and take charge of my life. It's time to be in control for good.