I decided to evaluate my progress on WW since January 1st. I knew that I had lost, met some goals, then gained, gained, gained. I wasn't sure really what my weight even was at the beginning of the year, so I checked it out.
And I was able to see a pattern of self-sabotage.
The first 8 weeks of the new year, I successfully lost weight--every single week. On the 8th week, I crossed over the 50-pound mark of weight lost. Hooray! Then the following week, I had a gain.
The week after that, I lost again, and that put me at 53.8 pounds lost, which is the most I have lost so far. And every week since then, I have gained. That's 4 WW meetings, but I did miss 3. So, 7 weeks and I have made no progress. (I didn't go to my meeting last night, I'm going to go Friday... but I hope it's not 8 weeks with no progress).
Overall, I am 1.8 pounds lighter now than I was on January 1st. I suppose I should be happy about that. There is less of me. However, seeing it put out there is eye-opening. I have gone four months with pretty much no progress. If I want to see progress, though, I need to be 100% committed again. I know the program. I can give great advice to others about ways to try harder & ways to stick to the plan... but I can't seem to follow my own advice. Whine, whine, whine, I know, right?
I have just been lazy.
After the horrible breakup, I wanted to focus on anything BUT that, so I kept my head in the WW game, hardcore. It wasn't until a month after the breakup that I started gaining weight. That was about the same time that I met Eddie. New relationships also seem to be my downfall. Eating out, getting drinks, etc. When I started dating Mike, that's when I packed on 50 extra pounds. I worked hard to get them off, and I need to keep working hard to get more off.
I've gotten into the habit of saying "OK, tomorrow is the day, I'll just have one more bad day to get it out of my system". But that ONE MORE DAY just keeps coming. Even this morning, I thought "hmm, maybe I'll swing by McDonald's and get my LAST bad breakfast there." Why bother with one more bad thing though? Why not just stop?! So, I didn't go.
There are 4 months left until my WW anniversary. My goal for those 4 months is to lose 20 pounds. That would put me at 60 pounds lost. Initially, I wanted to hit my 75 pound mark by my anniversary, but 35 pounds in 4 months seems like a lofty goal, so I won't set my expectations that high. That would put me at 267.6 and I haven't seen the 260s in who knows how long.
So here's to the next 20 pounds!
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Just for today.
I commit to staying totally on-plan today and also to getting 30 minutes of exercise.
I'm doing horribly. But just for today, I am going to do well. Then I'll worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.
This weekend I went on another binge. Went to the store and bought $30 worth of totally crappy food, just because it sounded good.
Last night I cleaned out the cabinets and fridge of the junk food I'd bought & I threw it away. Today I go to the store and get good-for-me food.
Just for today, I can do well.
I'm doing horribly. But just for today, I am going to do well. Then I'll worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.
This weekend I went on another binge. Went to the store and bought $30 worth of totally crappy food, just because it sounded good.
Last night I cleaned out the cabinets and fridge of the junk food I'd bought & I threw it away. Today I go to the store and get good-for-me food.
Just for today, I can do well.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Disappointment.
I have had a really rough 2 months with WW. I haven't been following the plan very well... well, not at all. Last week though, I recommitted. No more eating out 1-2 times/day, no more sugary pop at lunch... back to healthy stuff!I had a really good week, I thought. It was definately the best week (by far) since probably January.
My weekend was a little rocky... I ate out a couple times and I didn't record my food on the weekend (but did really well during the week). All in all though, I expected a loss of a couple pounds. I figured even though I had a couple little slip-ups over the weekend, it was leaps & bounds better than I had been doing.
So imagine my surprise, disappointment, and frustration when I weighed in tonight & had GAINED 2.2 more pounds.I have always been one to own up to my actions. If I'm not following the plan, it's not going to work... and the past several weeks, I've gained because I haven't even attempted to follow the plan. This week though, it just doesn't make sense. I did so many things good & right. And I have NOTHING to show for it.
I have officially gained 15 pounds this year. So excuse my eye roll when I get really nice comments from you ladies telling me how good I look. I know you wouldn't say it if you didnt' think it, but the fact is, my fat ass is 15 pounds heavier. And THAT does not look good.
I know that it's gonna take hard work to take it back off, and it's not gonna come off overnight. I know that. I'm just upset by this week's results. This is the first week that I've actually, genuinely been surprised by the scale. Ugh.
Keep on keepin' on, I suppose.
My weekend was a little rocky... I ate out a couple times and I didn't record my food on the weekend (but did really well during the week). All in all though, I expected a loss of a couple pounds. I figured even though I had a couple little slip-ups over the weekend, it was leaps & bounds better than I had been doing.
So imagine my surprise, disappointment, and frustration when I weighed in tonight & had GAINED 2.2 more pounds.I have always been one to own up to my actions. If I'm not following the plan, it's not going to work... and the past several weeks, I've gained because I haven't even attempted to follow the plan. This week though, it just doesn't make sense. I did so many things good & right. And I have NOTHING to show for it.
I have officially gained 15 pounds this year. So excuse my eye roll when I get really nice comments from you ladies telling me how good I look. I know you wouldn't say it if you didnt' think it, but the fact is, my fat ass is 15 pounds heavier. And THAT does not look good.
I know that it's gonna take hard work to take it back off, and it's not gonna come off overnight. I know that. I'm just upset by this week's results. This is the first week that I've actually, genuinely been surprised by the scale. Ugh.
Keep on keepin' on, I suppose.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Body Shots
(not of the alcoholic kind!)
Just thought I'd post a picture of me & my boyfriend Eddie all dressed up! We had a formal to attend this past weekend, and we do look cute, if I say so myself!
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Italian Sausage & Rotini
Here's the recipe for the DELICIOUS meal I made last night!
Italian Sausage & Rotini
4 servings/5 points each
3 Turkey Italian Sausage (3 points each=9 points)
3 servings whole wheat rotini (3 points/serving=9 points)
1 small can tomato sauce (about 1/2 cup=0 points)
1 can diced tomatoes--I used the onion/garlic flavor (about 1 cup=0 points)
1 small can mushrooms--I'd leave them out next time (1/4 cup=0 points)
1/4 cup lowfat parmesan (2 points)
Minced Garlic
Salt
Pepper
Greek Seasoning (optional)
1. Cut up turkey sausage into desired size & cook in skillet sprayed w/cooking spray. Once sausage is cooked all the way through, add desired amount of garlic. I also like to add a little greek seasoning, but that's up to you!
2. Add tomato sauce, tomatoes, and mushrooms. Season with salt, pepper, etc to taste.
3. Cook 3 servings whole wheat rotini.
4. Combine sauce mixture and pasta, then add the parmesan cheese. Mix well & serve!
I divided this into 4 servings for 5 points each. The servings are pretty large, so if you made it into more servings, just adjust your points accordingly!
Italian Sausage & Rotini
4 servings/5 points each
3 Turkey Italian Sausage (3 points each=9 points)
3 servings whole wheat rotini (3 points/serving=9 points)
1 small can tomato sauce (about 1/2 cup=0 points)
1 can diced tomatoes--I used the onion/garlic flavor (about 1 cup=0 points)
1 small can mushrooms--I'd leave them out next time (1/4 cup=0 points)
1/4 cup lowfat parmesan (2 points)
Minced Garlic
Salt
Pepper
Greek Seasoning (optional)
1. Cut up turkey sausage into desired size & cook in skillet sprayed w/cooking spray. Once sausage is cooked all the way through, add desired amount of garlic. I also like to add a little greek seasoning, but that's up to you!
2. Add tomato sauce, tomatoes, and mushrooms. Season with salt, pepper, etc to taste.
3. Cook 3 servings whole wheat rotini.
4. Combine sauce mixture and pasta, then add the parmesan cheese. Mix well & serve!
I divided this into 4 servings for 5 points each. The servings are pretty large, so if you made it into more servings, just adjust your points accordingly!
Day One
I did pretty well yesterday, if I do say so myself. Here are the things I did good:
--Ate breakfast at home instead of in our cafeteria. In the cafeteria, I had been getting a biscuit w/gravy & hashbrowns... every day. Yesterday I ate cereal w/skim milk & a banana cut up in it!
--Walked 5 minutes to & from work instead of taking the shuttle from the parking area to the door
--Logged all my food (even the chocolate I ate & shouldn't have)
--Cooked! (Recipe to follow)
--NO DRIVE-THRUS!!!
I had one small slip-up yesterday, but it wasn't that bad. I forgot to take the chocolate into work yesterday, so last night I was putting it in a ziplock bag to put next to my purse so I wouldn't forget it... and without even thinking, I popped a truffle in my mouth. A 2-point-per-piece truffle. And then I lost control and ate 4 more. So, 10 points worth of crappy chocolate. But, I logged it, I used 4 flex because of it, and today I will do better.
This morning I cooked a couple eggs and had a piece of 1 point bread. I haven't had real eggs in so long though, that I'm not sure my body likes them. I feel a little indigestion coming on. Usually I'm an egg beaters gal, but this time I got regular eggs. We'll see.
Next entry will have my DELICIOUS dinner recipe!
--Ate breakfast at home instead of in our cafeteria. In the cafeteria, I had been getting a biscuit w/gravy & hashbrowns... every day. Yesterday I ate cereal w/skim milk & a banana cut up in it!
--Walked 5 minutes to & from work instead of taking the shuttle from the parking area to the door
--Logged all my food (even the chocolate I ate & shouldn't have)
--Cooked! (Recipe to follow)
--NO DRIVE-THRUS!!!
I had one small slip-up yesterday, but it wasn't that bad. I forgot to take the chocolate into work yesterday, so last night I was putting it in a ziplock bag to put next to my purse so I wouldn't forget it... and without even thinking, I popped a truffle in my mouth. A 2-point-per-piece truffle. And then I lost control and ate 4 more. So, 10 points worth of crappy chocolate. But, I logged it, I used 4 flex because of it, and today I will do better.
This morning I cooked a couple eggs and had a piece of 1 point bread. I haven't had real eggs in so long though, that I'm not sure my body likes them. I feel a little indigestion coming on. Usually I'm an egg beaters gal, but this time I got regular eggs. We'll see.
Next entry will have my DELICIOUS dinner recipe!
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Dear Old Self
Dear Old Self,
On August 22, 2007 I took a vow to leave you behind. At first it was easy. I was motivated to find the New Self, and I walked away from you pretty much without even looking back. I gave up your desire for greasy McDonald's, daily candy bars, and calorie-filled, sugar-loaded pop. New Self was winning the battle, and pounds dropped off. I think New Self lost 30 pounds in 3 months. It was a great ego boost, let me tell you. New Self was kicking Old Self's ass.
Around Thanksgiving time, Old Self, you tried to sneak your way back into my life. I tried to remain strong & remember how great New Self felt, but you were trying your hardest to be the boss in my life again. I fought back hard too though, and even though I didn't lose like I had been, I still came through the holidays weighing less than I did at the beginning of them.
The new year came, and New Self was feeling lazy and tired... you are a figher, Old Self... You were really fighting to win my life over again, and I felt exhausted from fighting you! I went through some tough times in my personal life starting in January, and New Self started to feel defeated. Why bother? New Self tried to at least hold on a little through the storm, but Old Self, you seemed to be getting stronger.
Eventually New Self gave up. New Self was tired of fighting and it was easier to just back down and let you take charge again. I thought that New Self had totally hit the road, never to be seen again. Old Self, you have been ruining my life. You have got to go. I'm not happier with you around, and I'm certainly not healthier. Sometimes we keep old friends in our lives just because they've been there for so long. They might not be the best thing for us anymore (maybe they never were), but we feel attached to them in a very strong way. Well, Old Self, you are not my friend anymore. It's time to say goodbye.
I think in August, I really just said "see ya later" to you, but this time, I have to say goodbye for good. We can't meet again in the future, not if I want to be a healthy person and have New Self in my life. We have to close this chapter. You've been a close friend, Old Self, but I can't say you've been a "good" friend. You've been there for me when others weren't, but I know New Self will eventually be stronger than you ever were. It will just take time for New Self to thrive. But the good news is that even though you returned, New Self didn't really abandon me like I thought. Somehow, New Self held on through the rough waters lately, because she wants to be my best friend now.
New Self has grown her wings. It's time to fly.
Teale
On August 22, 2007 I took a vow to leave you behind. At first it was easy. I was motivated to find the New Self, and I walked away from you pretty much without even looking back. I gave up your desire for greasy McDonald's, daily candy bars, and calorie-filled, sugar-loaded pop. New Self was winning the battle, and pounds dropped off. I think New Self lost 30 pounds in 3 months. It was a great ego boost, let me tell you. New Self was kicking Old Self's ass.
Around Thanksgiving time, Old Self, you tried to sneak your way back into my life. I tried to remain strong & remember how great New Self felt, but you were trying your hardest to be the boss in my life again. I fought back hard too though, and even though I didn't lose like I had been, I still came through the holidays weighing less than I did at the beginning of them.
The new year came, and New Self was feeling lazy and tired... you are a figher, Old Self... You were really fighting to win my life over again, and I felt exhausted from fighting you! I went through some tough times in my personal life starting in January, and New Self started to feel defeated. Why bother? New Self tried to at least hold on a little through the storm, but Old Self, you seemed to be getting stronger.
Eventually New Self gave up. New Self was tired of fighting and it was easier to just back down and let you take charge again. I thought that New Self had totally hit the road, never to be seen again. Old Self, you have been ruining my life. You have got to go. I'm not happier with you around, and I'm certainly not healthier. Sometimes we keep old friends in our lives just because they've been there for so long. They might not be the best thing for us anymore (maybe they never were), but we feel attached to them in a very strong way. Well, Old Self, you are not my friend anymore. It's time to say goodbye.
I think in August, I really just said "see ya later" to you, but this time, I have to say goodbye for good. We can't meet again in the future, not if I want to be a healthy person and have New Self in my life. We have to close this chapter. You've been a close friend, Old Self, but I can't say you've been a "good" friend. You've been there for me when others weren't, but I know New Self will eventually be stronger than you ever were. It will just take time for New Self to thrive. But the good news is that even though you returned, New Self didn't really abandon me like I thought. Somehow, New Self held on through the rough waters lately, because she wants to be my best friend now.
New Self has grown her wings. It's time to fly.
Teale
Come Clean.
I feel like an alcoholic who has had a relapse. The kind of alcoholic that KNOWS what they're doing isnt' healthy, and KNOWS what they need to do to get better (stop with the bad behavior), and KNOWS the tools to beat their addiction, but somehow gets lost.
That's totally how I feel--lost.
To be honest, I think that the whirlwind of my first few months of the year have finally caught up to me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not sad or upset about my breakup situation... in fact, it's just the opposite. I have a new boyfriend who I am 100% CRAZY about, and I just kind of felt like right now I don't mind being the fat happy girl with a boyfriend.
It's kind of a feeling of helplessness, because only I can help myself... words from others (while appreciated) will not make me get back on my feet any easier or faster. I've talked to my friend Melissa about it, and we set a goal for ourselves for our WW anniversary that's coming up in August. We're going to go to a concert, and by the time that concert is here, I'd like to be at 75 pounds lost. The unfortunate part is that I've probably gained 15 since the last time I lost at WW.
I am disappointed in myself. I totally fell back into old habits. I can't tell you the last time I went to the grocery store, or even the last time I cooked. I've turned back into that fast food junkie.
Oh, and the chocolate... don't get me started on the chocolate.
It's embarrassing, beyond belief embarrassing, but I have to say it so that it's out there... We ordered a big box of truffles for the wedding favors. 180 truffles to be exact. And about a month ago, I opened the box. It had remained unopened for awhile, I was hoping to sell them... but I made the mistake of having "just one". And now, the truffles are probably 2/3 gone. I've shared some, but the majority was me eating them. By the handfuls.
It's disgusting.
I've been avoiding this place b/c I don't want to be the Debbie Downer of the group & be the kind of person that says "woe is me" and doesn't do anything about it. I recognize that I need to do something about it, but I feel like I'm under a spell or something. My strength to say "no" diminished recently, and I'm trying to fight hard to stay above the water... I'm not trying very hard I guess...
Oh, I don't know, that's just where I stand right now. I need a plan.
That's totally how I feel--lost.
To be honest, I think that the whirlwind of my first few months of the year have finally caught up to me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not sad or upset about my breakup situation... in fact, it's just the opposite. I have a new boyfriend who I am 100% CRAZY about, and I just kind of felt like right now I don't mind being the fat happy girl with a boyfriend.
It's kind of a feeling of helplessness, because only I can help myself... words from others (while appreciated) will not make me get back on my feet any easier or faster. I've talked to my friend Melissa about it, and we set a goal for ourselves for our WW anniversary that's coming up in August. We're going to go to a concert, and by the time that concert is here, I'd like to be at 75 pounds lost. The unfortunate part is that I've probably gained 15 since the last time I lost at WW.
I am disappointed in myself. I totally fell back into old habits. I can't tell you the last time I went to the grocery store, or even the last time I cooked. I've turned back into that fast food junkie.
Oh, and the chocolate... don't get me started on the chocolate.
It's embarrassing, beyond belief embarrassing, but I have to say it so that it's out there... We ordered a big box of truffles for the wedding favors. 180 truffles to be exact. And about a month ago, I opened the box. It had remained unopened for awhile, I was hoping to sell them... but I made the mistake of having "just one". And now, the truffles are probably 2/3 gone. I've shared some, but the majority was me eating them. By the handfuls.
It's disgusting.
I've been avoiding this place b/c I don't want to be the Debbie Downer of the group & be the kind of person that says "woe is me" and doesn't do anything about it. I recognize that I need to do something about it, but I feel like I'm under a spell or something. My strength to say "no" diminished recently, and I'm trying to fight hard to stay above the water... I'm not trying very hard I guess...
Oh, I don't know, that's just where I stand right now. I need a plan.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Lost my focus
So a lot of the ladies that I'm reading right now seem to have gone through a similar funk that I have been going through recently. Many of us started our journey at about the same time... perhaps this is the 6-8 month lull?
I have had a really really horrible 2 weeks. And for about 2 months before that, I was just half-assing it. These past two weeks though, it has been a no-holds-barred bingefest. I gave myself permission to eat what I wanted while on vacation. Mistake number one. Then when I came back, I didn't get focused like I said I would. I gave myself permission to only "try" a little bit of core & still pig out when I wanted... UNTIL TUESDAY (my ww meeting day).
Well, it's Tuesday. I weighed in. And had a 6.4 pound gain since 2 weeks ago. I honestly expected more. I thought it was going to be at least 10. I know that 6 pounds will come off with some hard work and focus.
I've honestly been wondering if I should see someone about my food issues. It's like I have blinders on and don't even realize what I'm doing until it's too late. The old habit of going to the drive-thru to get food late at night, the grabbing a piece of candy every time I pass the candy dish, the going down to the cafeteria at work every day to get a big lunch... these are habits that don't even register at the time that they're occuring. And similarly, good habits don't even register that they're missing. My friend texted me yesterday and asked if I wanted to go to the gym. THE GYM? I forgot I HAD a gym membership. I forgot that's something I SHOULD be doing. What the heck?! My most recent cause for bingeing lately has simply been boredom. How sad is that? Boredom.
So, tomorrow it's back to the grindstone. I asked my ww leader if I could get another copy of the getting started materials that they give you in week one. I gave all my stuff to my mom, so don't even have the materials to read over for the core plan. I'm unclear if the plan will be for me or not, but I figure I should try something.
Thanks to those of you that still stick by me, despite my lack of support for both myself and others right now. Mwah!
I have had a really really horrible 2 weeks. And for about 2 months before that, I was just half-assing it. These past two weeks though, it has been a no-holds-barred bingefest. I gave myself permission to eat what I wanted while on vacation. Mistake number one. Then when I came back, I didn't get focused like I said I would. I gave myself permission to only "try" a little bit of core & still pig out when I wanted... UNTIL TUESDAY (my ww meeting day).
Well, it's Tuesday. I weighed in. And had a 6.4 pound gain since 2 weeks ago. I honestly expected more. I thought it was going to be at least 10. I know that 6 pounds will come off with some hard work and focus.
I've honestly been wondering if I should see someone about my food issues. It's like I have blinders on and don't even realize what I'm doing until it's too late. The old habit of going to the drive-thru to get food late at night, the grabbing a piece of candy every time I pass the candy dish, the going down to the cafeteria at work every day to get a big lunch... these are habits that don't even register at the time that they're occuring. And similarly, good habits don't even register that they're missing. My friend texted me yesterday and asked if I wanted to go to the gym. THE GYM? I forgot I HAD a gym membership. I forgot that's something I SHOULD be doing. What the heck?! My most recent cause for bingeing lately has simply been boredom. How sad is that? Boredom.
So, tomorrow it's back to the grindstone. I asked my ww leader if I could get another copy of the getting started materials that they give you in week one. I gave all my stuff to my mom, so don't even have the materials to read over for the core plan. I'm unclear if the plan will be for me or not, but I figure I should try something.
Thanks to those of you that still stick by me, despite my lack of support for both myself and others right now. Mwah!
Friday, March 28, 2008
I've been on vacation...
And I mean that in both the literal & figurative sense. I've been away because I travelled to Oregon for a week. I have a friend out there who I went to visit. It's very beautiful out there. Before I left for my trip, I had a bit of a binge slip-up. I have been feeling very mediocre regarding my WW plan for several weeks. I haven't been strict. Hell, I haven't even been really counting points. I made a decision before my vacation that I was going to do what I wanted while on vacation, and when I returned, I was going to give the core plan an attempt. My leader suggests switching plans if you keep finding yourself in the same roadblock. So, I decided that's what I needed to do.
I feared the core plan a lot. For those that may not know the difference, WW has two plans. The flex plan gives you a daily points amount based on your weight, gender, activity level, etc. You can eat what you want, as long as you stay within your daily points value. There are good health guidelines to follow as well (such as drinking water, getting dairy, etc), but essentially, you could still eat crap while on this plan & lose weight. And tha'ts what I had been doing here and there. However, the core plan doesn't count points. There is a list of core foods, and you eat what you want to off this list (it's a big list), as much as it takes for you to feel satisfied. That's something that's very different between the plans. Flex doesn't require you to really pay attention to your comfort level. So oftentimes, I'd find myself eating simply because I had the points to use, not because I was actually hungry. Core also gives you 35 flex points per week, so if you want to eat something that's not a core food, you are still able to do that, within reason.
So the reason I was afraid of it was because I feel like if I knew when to stop when I was no longer hungry (vs. being full--that's very different!), I wouldn't weigh what I weigh now. This also changes pretty much my whole menu. Right now I do eat quite a few processed foods. Things that are quick and easy--frozen meals, 100 cal packs, etc. Core seems like a lot more "clean" eating. It also seems like a lot of work to learn the new program. But I think that's what I need. I need to focus on learning something new instead of being stuck in a comfortable spot.
I haven't been to a meeting in 2 weeks because of my trip. I will be going on Tuesday, and I am quite afraid. To be honest, I feel like I've probably gained like 10 pounds. That's what happens though when you dont' lead a healthy lifestyle. So, here's to trying something new...
If anyone that reads me is doing core or has tried it, could you please provide me with some encouragement or words of wisdom about the program? I'm going into this one blind!
I feared the core plan a lot. For those that may not know the difference, WW has two plans. The flex plan gives you a daily points amount based on your weight, gender, activity level, etc. You can eat what you want, as long as you stay within your daily points value. There are good health guidelines to follow as well (such as drinking water, getting dairy, etc), but essentially, you could still eat crap while on this plan & lose weight. And tha'ts what I had been doing here and there. However, the core plan doesn't count points. There is a list of core foods, and you eat what you want to off this list (it's a big list), as much as it takes for you to feel satisfied. That's something that's very different between the plans. Flex doesn't require you to really pay attention to your comfort level. So oftentimes, I'd find myself eating simply because I had the points to use, not because I was actually hungry. Core also gives you 35 flex points per week, so if you want to eat something that's not a core food, you are still able to do that, within reason.
So the reason I was afraid of it was because I feel like if I knew when to stop when I was no longer hungry (vs. being full--that's very different!), I wouldn't weigh what I weigh now. This also changes pretty much my whole menu. Right now I do eat quite a few processed foods. Things that are quick and easy--frozen meals, 100 cal packs, etc. Core seems like a lot more "clean" eating. It also seems like a lot of work to learn the new program. But I think that's what I need. I need to focus on learning something new instead of being stuck in a comfortable spot.
I haven't been to a meeting in 2 weeks because of my trip. I will be going on Tuesday, and I am quite afraid. To be honest, I feel like I've probably gained like 10 pounds. That's what happens though when you dont' lead a healthy lifestyle. So, here's to trying something new...
If anyone that reads me is doing core or has tried it, could you please provide me with some encouragement or words of wisdom about the program? I'm going into this one blind!
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Check In
Today was a really good day. I am happy that I can say that, despite the scale saying that I am 2.6 pounds up this week. I had a good week, and while I didn't do everything I committed to (hey, where were the people hounding me about it?!), I am still happy with how it turned out. This is the weigh-in that falls at the tail end of my period, and no matter how good I do that week, I never quite see the results that you would anticipate. I know that though, and I will not let a number define my mood.
After weighing in, I came home & changed and hit the streets for day 2 of c25k. Today I actually did the 60/90 jog/walk rotation. Let me tell you, 60 seconds is a long time to run when you weigh 275 pounds and haven't run in about 5 years. After about 3 times jogging, I felt DEAD. I wanted to go home. I looked at the clock, and it had only been like 8 minutes! Out of 20! And then the next song in rotation started on my mp3 player. It's a song by Jimmy Eat World that always puts me in a good mood. It's got a good beat, a good tempo, I just like it. And the first lines of the song were perfect.
Are you gonna live your life wondering,
Standing in the back, looking around?
Are you gonna waste your life thinking,
How you've grown up, or how you've missed out?
And so I started jogging again. And I finished.
Let me tell you, my knees ache, and walking up 3 flights of stairs after that jog was rough, but I did it. Another sticker on the calendar!
After my jog, I made dinner--stuffed burgers. I made 5 and froze 6. I ate 2 for dinner (2 points each) with some potatoes and veggies. Then I headed to the grocery store. Heck, I figured I was on a roll, might as well get some healthy food while I'm at it. I start my second job tomorrow, so I will have to pack two meals in the morning to eat while at work. So I decided to give homemade veggie soup a try. I've never made it before, and I didn't follow a recipe, so we'll see how it turns out. This is what I used:
Lean beef (a package of stew meat all ready cut, score!)
Carrots
Celery
1 large potato
Frozen Corn
Frozen Green Beans
Cabbage
Onion
1 can diced tomatoes (no salt added)
4 cups low sodium, fat free beef broth
1 tbsp garlic
I didn't add any other seasonings at this point, because I want to taste what the blend of veggies tastes like. I also tried to make this as low sodium as possible because while soup can be a really great low-point food, it can be really HIGH in sodium, which bloats me up & makes me retain water like no other! I put all that good stuff in the crock pot, and it's going to cook all night while I sleep in my comfy bed! Then tomorrow morning, I'll have soup for the next several days! I'll have to take a picture!
I'm really ready to be 100% on track with WW. I have only been about 70% on track for quite awhile now. And while that does give me results some of the time, it's not the results I could be achieving. I need to write down every single thing that goes in my mouth, like I was in the beginning, and I also need to continue with the activity. Exercising two times this week is amazing for me. I'm lucky if I exercise two times a month. I plan to do my third day of c25k on Friday, which is my day off. I'd also like to go to the gym for some strength training that day too if I've got time. Screw that, I'll make the time!
What do YOU commit to this week?
After weighing in, I came home & changed and hit the streets for day 2 of c25k. Today I actually did the 60/90 jog/walk rotation. Let me tell you, 60 seconds is a long time to run when you weigh 275 pounds and haven't run in about 5 years. After about 3 times jogging, I felt DEAD. I wanted to go home. I looked at the clock, and it had only been like 8 minutes! Out of 20! And then the next song in rotation started on my mp3 player. It's a song by Jimmy Eat World that always puts me in a good mood. It's got a good beat, a good tempo, I just like it. And the first lines of the song were perfect.
Are you gonna live your life wondering,
Standing in the back, looking around?
Are you gonna waste your life thinking,
How you've grown up, or how you've missed out?
And so I started jogging again. And I finished.
Let me tell you, my knees ache, and walking up 3 flights of stairs after that jog was rough, but I did it. Another sticker on the calendar!
After my jog, I made dinner--stuffed burgers. I made 5 and froze 6. I ate 2 for dinner (2 points each) with some potatoes and veggies. Then I headed to the grocery store. Heck, I figured I was on a roll, might as well get some healthy food while I'm at it. I start my second job tomorrow, so I will have to pack two meals in the morning to eat while at work. So I decided to give homemade veggie soup a try. I've never made it before, and I didn't follow a recipe, so we'll see how it turns out. This is what I used:
Lean beef (a package of stew meat all ready cut, score!)
Carrots
Celery
1 large potato
Frozen Corn
Frozen Green Beans
Cabbage
Onion
1 can diced tomatoes (no salt added)
4 cups low sodium, fat free beef broth
1 tbsp garlic
I didn't add any other seasonings at this point, because I want to taste what the blend of veggies tastes like. I also tried to make this as low sodium as possible because while soup can be a really great low-point food, it can be really HIGH in sodium, which bloats me up & makes me retain water like no other! I put all that good stuff in the crock pot, and it's going to cook all night while I sleep in my comfy bed! Then tomorrow morning, I'll have soup for the next several days! I'll have to take a picture!
I'm really ready to be 100% on track with WW. I have only been about 70% on track for quite awhile now. And while that does give me results some of the time, it's not the results I could be achieving. I need to write down every single thing that goes in my mouth, like I was in the beginning, and I also need to continue with the activity. Exercising two times this week is amazing for me. I'm lucky if I exercise two times a month. I plan to do my third day of c25k on Friday, which is my day off. I'd also like to go to the gym for some strength training that day too if I've got time. Screw that, I'll make the time!
What do YOU commit to this week?
Monday, March 10, 2008
Move it
Yesterday was the whole "set your clocks forward" situation. I can never remember if that's Daylight Savings Time, or if that means DST is ending... at any rate, it means it stays light outside for longer in the evening. So yesterday evening at about 7, I had nothing to do, and I thought I'd go for a walk. It wasn't too cold outside. I had on a long-sleeved shirt, pants, gloves, and a scarf, and I was comfy. I walked for about 5 minutes, and then something happened.
The spirit moved me!
I JOGGED.
Yes, you can pick your jaw up off the floor now!
I am participating in a 5K in June, and another friend of mine online is going to participate with me. She had left me a message saying she was starting the c25k training this week. I read that comment right before I left for my walk, and I thought about it while I was walking. I couldn't remember what amounts of time I was supposed to jog/walk for the first week, since I didn't go on this walk prepared to train. So, I just set my own amount & stuck with it. I jogged for 30 sec, walked for 60. When I got home and looked at the schedule, I saw that week one is actually 60/90, but oh well. I still freaking JOGGED.
A few months ago, back in my early WW days, I was walking consistently in the mornings before work. There was one entry I wrote about where I decided to jog, and I was able to for about a block before feeling like I was gonna die. Let me just tell you that it was SO much easier this time!!! It did get harder as I got near the end of my session, but I kept going regardless. I didn't keep track of the time, but my estimate is that I did this for about 15-20 min, plus a warm up/cool down for a few minutes on each end. It's a start though!
I will admit, my joints are a little sore today. Specifically my knees. I didn't notice it until I went down the stairs on my way to work today. But it's OK, it's a good ache.
The spirit moved me!
I JOGGED.
Yes, you can pick your jaw up off the floor now!
I am participating in a 5K in June, and another friend of mine online is going to participate with me. She had left me a message saying she was starting the c25k training this week. I read that comment right before I left for my walk, and I thought about it while I was walking. I couldn't remember what amounts of time I was supposed to jog/walk for the first week, since I didn't go on this walk prepared to train. So, I just set my own amount & stuck with it. I jogged for 30 sec, walked for 60. When I got home and looked at the schedule, I saw that week one is actually 60/90, but oh well. I still freaking JOGGED.
A few months ago, back in my early WW days, I was walking consistently in the mornings before work. There was one entry I wrote about where I decided to jog, and I was able to for about a block before feeling like I was gonna die. Let me just tell you that it was SO much easier this time!!! It did get harder as I got near the end of my session, but I kept going regardless. I didn't keep track of the time, but my estimate is that I did this for about 15-20 min, plus a warm up/cool down for a few minutes on each end. It's a start though!
I will admit, my joints are a little sore today. Specifically my knees. I didn't notice it until I went down the stairs on my way to work today. But it's OK, it's a good ache.
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Holy Crap
So someone left me a comment on my last entry about how I have less "junk in the trunk" as they do. And I chuckled, b/c I thought "You obviously haven't SEEN all the junk I've got!!!" So I pulled out my "before" picture... I don't look at it often. And I see my MAMMOUTH ass. That's still what I envision it as.
Then I compared it to the pics I posted yesterday.
And my jaw dropped.
That may have been what I needed to get me past this mental battle. The proof is right there! I really AM making progress, and 50 pounds DOES make a difference. Wow, was pretty much all I could say. Wow.
Friday, March 7, 2008
Good week.
I didn't end up weighing in on Tuesday because of the weather. We had a big winter storm advisory, and it took me 30 minutes just to get to my apartment from work, when it usually takes me 10. By the time I got home, I was all ready late for the meeting. So, I went to a Thursday evening meeting instead.
Last week I gained .6 but this week I lost 2.4, which more than makes up for that gain last week! I am currently at -53.8 pounds! It's tradition for my friend Melissa and I to call one another after our WW meetings. She lives a couple hours away, so we don't attend meetings together obviously, but we still encourage each other & talk about how we're doing w/our plan. So, I called her and we had a good talk. When people tell me how amazing it is that I've lost over 50 pounds, I don't really hear them. But this time, I did. She told me "Teale, that is SO good, can you believe it?!!?" And she's right, I need to start believing it. I told her how I doubt myself, and I'm just kind of waiting for it to stop working. But the fact is, as long as I hold up my end of the deal, the program is going to hold up it's end of the deal.
I had the day off work today, and another friend and I went shopping. It's funny how I enjoy shopping a lot more now that I have more choices. This is both a good and bad thing... good for the self esteem, bad for the wallet! Maurices had all these cute spring outfits out, and I was sucked in! I found a cute pair of capri khaki-type pants and a shirt to go with it... see for yourself!
But the excitement doesn't end there... my friend tried on a cute pair of jean capris that I really loved. She tried them on in a 20, which I knew would be too small for me, but I didn't want to search through the store to find 22s, so I told her to let me try them on so I could at least get an idea of what they'd look like on me & see how far I was from being in 20s. Take a look for yourself how far I am from being in them:
I BOUGHT A PAIR OF FREAKING 20S!!!!! (please excuse the blurriness!)
I am the incredible shrinking woman!!!
I tried a new recipe the other night... taco soup. I'll post a picture & the recipe soon!
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Stuff
I've begun "blogging" from work again. What I mean, is that I write an email to myself, send it, then when I get home on my computer where I can actually access my blog, I post it. Haha, fooled you websense blog blocker!
Anyway, it's 7am, and I am committing to having a 100% on plan day. Today is my usual WW day. Last week I went on Friday b/c Tuesday I had other plans. I think that I may just go & opt not to weigh in. I have mixed feelings on this though. The fact is, I had a crappy weekend, I ate my weight in movie theater popcorn, candy, etc, and I'm paying for it now. I imagine that most of the gain is as a result of the sodium... however, the fact is, I made the decision to eat crappy, and I should probably face the music. I really just would hate to "lose" my 50 pound accomplishment. Another option would be to wait until Friday and go to that meeting again... that way it's been a whole week since my last WI. Like I said... I have mixed feelings.
I've been inspired to try the Couch to 5K program (c25k). One of my resolutions was to participate (notice the word choice--not "run") in a 5K. I am going to do the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure in June. This may sound strange to some, but I would rather run outside than run at the gym on the treadmill. I know some people don't like the thought of running in public w/cars driving by... but at least after they drive by, they're GONE. At the gym, not so much. Problem is, it's pretty crappy weather here! I'm also curious... for any of you that have done this program before... how do you know when it's time to switch from jogging to walking, without staring at a stopwatch the whole time?
New foods:
I picked up some hummus the other day while roaming about the store. I like hummus, but I'm kind of particular. I got the Athenos brand, just the regular kind. It's OK, but not my favorite. I think I might try to make my own sometime, but we'll see.
I also picked up some Fiber One bars. I'd heard great things about them, that they're super tasty & they've got like 1/3 of your daily fiber in them. They're supposed to be really filling for only 2 points. The part about them being tasty is true... I got the Oats & Caramel kind, and it's delicious... but they give me HORRIBLE cramps! And gas. Does this happen to anyone else? Is this something that my body will just "get used to"?
Cooking:
Tonight I will make my stuffed burgers. They make 10-11 patties, so I freeze them & have several meals out of it! I think today after work I'll go to the store & get stuff to make taco soup, then tomorrow while I'm at work it can cook! I may wait til Thursday on that one though. I have some frozen chicken breasts in the fridge that I'm going to do something with too... Anybody got some good recipes/ideas for some tasty chicken? Maybe even something that I can freeze leftovers of?
*edit* So I forgot to lay the frozen hamburger out tonight... I guess it will be a lean cuisine & a salad tonight. Burgers tomorrow!
OK, That's about it for now!
Anyway, it's 7am, and I am committing to having a 100% on plan day. Today is my usual WW day. Last week I went on Friday b/c Tuesday I had other plans. I think that I may just go & opt not to weigh in. I have mixed feelings on this though. The fact is, I had a crappy weekend, I ate my weight in movie theater popcorn, candy, etc, and I'm paying for it now. I imagine that most of the gain is as a result of the sodium... however, the fact is, I made the decision to eat crappy, and I should probably face the music. I really just would hate to "lose" my 50 pound accomplishment. Another option would be to wait until Friday and go to that meeting again... that way it's been a whole week since my last WI. Like I said... I have mixed feelings.
I've been inspired to try the Couch to 5K program (c25k). One of my resolutions was to participate (notice the word choice--not "run") in a 5K. I am going to do the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure in June. This may sound strange to some, but I would rather run outside than run at the gym on the treadmill. I know some people don't like the thought of running in public w/cars driving by... but at least after they drive by, they're GONE. At the gym, not so much. Problem is, it's pretty crappy weather here! I'm also curious... for any of you that have done this program before... how do you know when it's time to switch from jogging to walking, without staring at a stopwatch the whole time?
New foods:
I picked up some hummus the other day while roaming about the store. I like hummus, but I'm kind of particular. I got the Athenos brand, just the regular kind. It's OK, but not my favorite. I think I might try to make my own sometime, but we'll see.
I also picked up some Fiber One bars. I'd heard great things about them, that they're super tasty & they've got like 1/3 of your daily fiber in them. They're supposed to be really filling for only 2 points. The part about them being tasty is true... I got the Oats & Caramel kind, and it's delicious... but they give me HORRIBLE cramps! And gas. Does this happen to anyone else? Is this something that my body will just "get used to"?
Cooking:
Tonight I will make my stuffed burgers. They make 10-11 patties, so I freeze them & have several meals out of it! I think today after work I'll go to the store & get stuff to make taco soup, then tomorrow while I'm at work it can cook! I may wait til Thursday on that one though. I have some frozen chicken breasts in the fridge that I'm going to do something with too... Anybody got some good recipes/ideas for some tasty chicken? Maybe even something that I can freeze leftovers of?
*edit* So I forgot to lay the frozen hamburger out tonight... I guess it will be a lean cuisine & a salad tonight. Burgers tomorrow!
OK, That's about it for now!
Monday, March 3, 2008
It's time...
It's time to get my head back on straight regarding my weight watchers plan. I have been just scooting along at the bare minimum since about Thanksgiving. I've continued to lose, for the most part, but I'm not giving it my all.
My main battle is completely mental. I never thought I'd get to 50 pounds lost, and then I did. The problem though has been that I don't actually envision myself at my goal weight. I saw 50 pounds as this huge hurdle, but I didn't plan for what I'd do once I crossed that line. So for right now, my goal is to get into the 250s. I haven't been in the 250s in YEARS. When I did WW the first time (successfully), I lost 30-some pounds, which put me in the 260s. At that point, I was thrilled, cuz I hadn't been to that point in ages either. But I never made it to the 250s. So, 250s, you are mine!!!
My other battle that I face off with is the gym. I have just been refusing to go, period. It's my responsibility to prioritize, and it doesn't matter if I worked 10 hours that day or not...it's my decision to go home and be lazy and sit in front of the tv, or go to the gym for 30 minutes and get some exercise. Noone is in control of that situation but me. And the fact is, if I don't go to the gym, I'm not going to see the results that I could potentialy see. I know there are others out there struggling with this... or they feel like maybe they're on a plateau. But ask yourself: what is it that I could be doing that I'm not? And for me, that is exercise!
I had a .6 gain on Friday when I weighed in. I expected it. I fear going tomorrow night though. I'm certain it's another gain. I did well during the week... but my weekend was not so good. Drinks, movie popcorn, mexican food, deep dish pizza... ugh. I did, however, resist buying a bag of chocolate when I went to the store w/a friend the other day. She was buying some candy, and I picked up a bag of Reese's... then I thought about it & put it back on the shelf. Big behavior modification there!
So this is the plan for this week. Please help keep me accountable.
1. Get exercise 4 days this week. Whether it's going to the gym, going for a walk, or doing a DVD workout at home. I will get some form of movement 4 days.
2. Cook! I will cook 3 times this week. One of those times will be a recipe I haven't yet tried before. (I'm thinking taco soup... yum!)
3. Blog at least twice.
4. Remind myself daily that I am working towards my next goal of being in the 250s. That is about 17 pounds to go.
5. Write down my food every day (and maybe record it here, just for accountability)
Do you gals have a plan for the week?
My main battle is completely mental. I never thought I'd get to 50 pounds lost, and then I did. The problem though has been that I don't actually envision myself at my goal weight. I saw 50 pounds as this huge hurdle, but I didn't plan for what I'd do once I crossed that line. So for right now, my goal is to get into the 250s. I haven't been in the 250s in YEARS. When I did WW the first time (successfully), I lost 30-some pounds, which put me in the 260s. At that point, I was thrilled, cuz I hadn't been to that point in ages either. But I never made it to the 250s. So, 250s, you are mine!!!
My other battle that I face off with is the gym. I have just been refusing to go, period. It's my responsibility to prioritize, and it doesn't matter if I worked 10 hours that day or not...it's my decision to go home and be lazy and sit in front of the tv, or go to the gym for 30 minutes and get some exercise. Noone is in control of that situation but me. And the fact is, if I don't go to the gym, I'm not going to see the results that I could potentialy see. I know there are others out there struggling with this... or they feel like maybe they're on a plateau. But ask yourself: what is it that I could be doing that I'm not? And for me, that is exercise!
I had a .6 gain on Friday when I weighed in. I expected it. I fear going tomorrow night though. I'm certain it's another gain. I did well during the week... but my weekend was not so good. Drinks, movie popcorn, mexican food, deep dish pizza... ugh. I did, however, resist buying a bag of chocolate when I went to the store w/a friend the other day. She was buying some candy, and I picked up a bag of Reese's... then I thought about it & put it back on the shelf. Big behavior modification there!
So this is the plan for this week. Please help keep me accountable.
1. Get exercise 4 days this week. Whether it's going to the gym, going for a walk, or doing a DVD workout at home. I will get some form of movement 4 days.
2. Cook! I will cook 3 times this week. One of those times will be a recipe I haven't yet tried before. (I'm thinking taco soup... yum!)
3. Blog at least twice.
4. Remind myself daily that I am working towards my next goal of being in the 250s. That is about 17 pounds to go.
5. Write down my food every day (and maybe record it here, just for accountability)
Do you gals have a plan for the week?
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Accepting Compliments
Does anyone else have a really difficult time accepting compliments from others? I am the worst. Usually when someone gives me a compliment, I think of an excuse as to why they are wrong. The new boy (Eddie) oftentimes tells me I look nice. And I don't know what to do with that. Instead of just smiling & saying "Thank you" I shrug it off and say "Oh, I feel like I look like crap" or "Ugh, my hair is awful today" or any other variety of self-depreciation.
Why do we do this? Why is it so hard to accept when someone says nice words about you?
For me, I think that I got made fun of a lot by other kids in school growing up. As I got older, there were the sarcastic compliments. Things boys would say in jest, like "oooh, looking good there today, fatty" or something like that. So to me, compliments are often associated with negative things. The fake compliments, if you will.
But on the giving end of compliments, I give them out endlessly. I love to tell someone how cute they look & boost their self esteem or brighten their day. Or to give a coworker applause for a job well done. Or tell others how proud I am of their weight loss efforts. I enjoy seeing the shock or surprise on their face when they receive unexpected praise. Yet I don't give others that pleasure when they give me kind words.
So, it stops here.
I will no longer doubt others' words. It's unfair and unkind to them to assume that they are "wrong" about their compliment, that they must be crazy for thinking I look nice or I did a good job at something. Instead I will accept compliments graciously & file them away in my head to remember when I'm feeling down. I will smile & say thank you when receiving praise for a job well done or for my accomplishments.
And I challenge you to do the same.
Why do we do this? Why is it so hard to accept when someone says nice words about you?
For me, I think that I got made fun of a lot by other kids in school growing up. As I got older, there were the sarcastic compliments. Things boys would say in jest, like "oooh, looking good there today, fatty" or something like that. So to me, compliments are often associated with negative things. The fake compliments, if you will.
But on the giving end of compliments, I give them out endlessly. I love to tell someone how cute they look & boost their self esteem or brighten their day. Or to give a coworker applause for a job well done. Or tell others how proud I am of their weight loss efforts. I enjoy seeing the shock or surprise on their face when they receive unexpected praise. Yet I don't give others that pleasure when they give me kind words.
So, it stops here.
I will no longer doubt others' words. It's unfair and unkind to them to assume that they are "wrong" about their compliment, that they must be crazy for thinking I look nice or I did a good job at something. Instead I will accept compliments graciously & file them away in my head to remember when I'm feeling down. I will smile & say thank you when receiving praise for a job well done or for my accomplishments.
And I challenge you to do the same.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Long update
*this is a long one... and one that is long overdue....*
I continue to lack in the blogging department. And I don't really know why, aside from lack of time to sit down and actually write anything meaningful. I used to write a lot at work, but for some reason, my blog is now a blocked site. I can still access just about everyone else's blogs at work, but just not mine. I browse through my google reader pretty much daily, but I've neglected quite a handful. The main reason being that they update so often, I feel as though I can't keep up. And that's pretty crappy of me, so I'm sorry! My method is to always check out my "originals" first. The ladies that I've followed since creating this blog. Even if I'm not commenting, odds are I am still reading.
So what's been going on with me? My main battle lately has been mental. I had this attitude in my head that I would never reach 50 pounds lost. And because of that, it took me a really long time to get from 40 to 50 lost. Well, I suppose "a really long time" is all relative, but compared to my previous losses, taking 6 weeks to lose 10 pounds is a long time for me. But I did it. And really, it seems so surreal to me. I mean, if I was talking to a stranger and they told me "I lost 52 pounds," I would be ecstatic for them! I'd congratulate them & let them know what an inspiration they are to me. But when it's ME that's lost that weight, I don't celebrate myself like that. It's kind of hard to explain, but it's almost like I don't believe that I've really accomplished what I have.
When I was in a relationship with Mike, I feel like I never saw myself ever reaching my goal. He always told me how much he enjoyed my curvy, womanly body. He always used to say that he didn't see beauty at 120 pounds, he just wasn't programmed that way. So, while I have no intention of ever wanting to actually be 120 pounds, knowing that if I lost some of my curves, he might not be attracted to me physically, was definately sort of a mental roadblock for me. And now that he's no longer in the picture, I still haven't quite kicked that roadblock to the curb.
I have started dating someone new. It was unexpected, and I wasn't trying, but it happened. And while it seems like I "moved on" quite quickly, perhaps if you knew the whole story, you'd understand why it wasn't that hard. I know that I haven't written about it on this blog, but I suppose I owe some kind of explanation. My cousin Amy sometimes reads this, and I don't believe she's aware of these details, as I asked my family not to share them with others (with my mom having 16 brothers/sisters, you tell one person something, and within a week, everyone knows!). I trust her with this information though, so I suppose it's time that I share.
In early January (the 14th), Mike lost his job unexpectedly. That was on a Monday. By Wednesday, he had decided he was going home to Alabama, without me. Decided just to drop me, just like that I suppose. Enter lots of heartache, blah blah blah. On his way to Alabama, he wrecked his car. I think I may have written about this? So I went to get him, he had to come back, we thought maybe we'd work on things. Well, eventually the heartache turned into doubt and worry. I was wondering what would stop him from just dropping me suddenly again, in the future. So while he made the initial decision to leave me & cancel our future together, I then decided that I could never trust him in the same way again & agreed now with his decision. The following Wednesday, I went to see a friend in Iowa. He was supposed to move all his stuff out of the apartment while I was gone. When I returned, some had been moved, but not all. He was no longer staying there though. The Monday after that (January 28), I returned home from work to find him in my apartment, asleep in my bed. He still had a key. Before waking him, I removed the key from his keyring. Then I woke him & told him he needed to get the rest of his belongings & get out. He refused, and I told him I'd call someone to escort him out then. Then he made a pretty stupid decision. One that of course he now blames me for, because that's how he is (it's always someone ELSE'S fault). He flew up out of bed and stormed down the hallway after me. Once in the living room, he puffed his chest out, pushing into me, walking forward (thus causing me to walk backwards), and this action pushed me down onto the couch. I told him calmly to get out of my face, and to leave now. He was completely out of control, in my face yelling, acting completely insane. Then he put his hand up in my face, in the shape of a fist. Then he punched me in the thigh. Out of reflex & defense, I hit him in the groin. He reeled back for a minute, but then that only made him more angry. I had stood up at this point, and he lunged at me again. I put my arm up to block him as he lunged at me, and that caused my shoulder to get hurt when his body slammed into it. He stormed out of the room & I ran out of the apartment & called 911. Cops came, he admitted to what he did, he was arrested, and he spent 4 days in jail. I went to court & got an emergency order of protection. Within an hour of getting out of jail, he'd all ready begun violating the order by calling me & leaving harrassing voicemails. The last straw though was when he called my elderly parents at 2 in the morning swearing at them and screaming at them. I'd had enough. So I called the cops on him again for violating the order. They listened to my messages (which were quite flavorful, let me tell you... he's really not too smart to be leaving harrassing & threatening messages as proof that he's off the deep end). Nothing ever came of it though. He wasn't arrested again, nada. Apparently my restraining order didn't do crap for me. Whatever. So this whole time, I'd been telling cops, the judge, anyone that would listen, that I thought he was suffering from a manic episode & needed psychiatric treatment. I've left out some big chunks, but just trust me... I've got a degree in psychology, and I know mania when I see it. He'd never been diagnosed as being bipolar, but I always believed he was. Though I'd never seen a manic episode from him quite like this. Sooo.... through a series of bizarre events that I won't go into right now, he finally was hospitalized & diagnosed as having Bipolar Disorder. He spent a week in the behavioral services floor of a local hospital. While I realize it was his illness causing his behavior, I have absolutely no desire whatsoever to speak to him, see him, whatever. It's unfortunate that things happened the way they did, but I'm certainly not sitting around thinking "woe is me".
Whew! So I didn't write all that for sympathy, pity, whatever... I just wrote it b/c I hadn't shared it on here & I thought I should. If you made it through all that, pat yourself on the back:)
So, as I was saying... I met a new boy. We've been spending a lot of time with one another, and it's nice. He's a change of pace, and I think we all need that... *insert clever transition*
Speaking of change of pace... I need to do something to change up my program. I have fallen into the rut that I didn't want myself to get in... and that's the rut of finding what is tasty & fits w/in your daily points & eat that... often. Meaning I've had a half turkey sandwich & a salad for lunch every day this week. When I first started my WW journey in August, I started this blog as a WW recipe blog... hence the name "Teale's Meals". I haven't shared recipes in quite some time though, and I'd like to get back to doing that. I'm thinking maybe even just a weekly post sharing the new recipes or items that I tried that week. The next couple months may not hold too much as far as trying new stuff goes, as I've recently gotten a 2nd job. It's just a temp job, 3 evenings a week from 6-10pm. So on those days, I work 7-530 at job #1, and 6-10 at job #2. And that does NOT leave time for any cooking! The extra money will be worth it though!
So anyway, this was insanely long, and if you are still reading, I'm surprised! LOL I didn't make it to my meeting on Tuesday b/c I had an out of town friend visiting (and I didn't really want to see the scale!), but I am going to a meeting tomorrow at noon. So, I'll give my weight update then!
I continue to lack in the blogging department. And I don't really know why, aside from lack of time to sit down and actually write anything meaningful. I used to write a lot at work, but for some reason, my blog is now a blocked site. I can still access just about everyone else's blogs at work, but just not mine. I browse through my google reader pretty much daily, but I've neglected quite a handful. The main reason being that they update so often, I feel as though I can't keep up. And that's pretty crappy of me, so I'm sorry! My method is to always check out my "originals" first. The ladies that I've followed since creating this blog. Even if I'm not commenting, odds are I am still reading.
So what's been going on with me? My main battle lately has been mental. I had this attitude in my head that I would never reach 50 pounds lost. And because of that, it took me a really long time to get from 40 to 50 lost. Well, I suppose "a really long time" is all relative, but compared to my previous losses, taking 6 weeks to lose 10 pounds is a long time for me. But I did it. And really, it seems so surreal to me. I mean, if I was talking to a stranger and they told me "I lost 52 pounds," I would be ecstatic for them! I'd congratulate them & let them know what an inspiration they are to me. But when it's ME that's lost that weight, I don't celebrate myself like that. It's kind of hard to explain, but it's almost like I don't believe that I've really accomplished what I have.
When I was in a relationship with Mike, I feel like I never saw myself ever reaching my goal. He always told me how much he enjoyed my curvy, womanly body. He always used to say that he didn't see beauty at 120 pounds, he just wasn't programmed that way. So, while I have no intention of ever wanting to actually be 120 pounds, knowing that if I lost some of my curves, he might not be attracted to me physically, was definately sort of a mental roadblock for me. And now that he's no longer in the picture, I still haven't quite kicked that roadblock to the curb.
I have started dating someone new. It was unexpected, and I wasn't trying, but it happened. And while it seems like I "moved on" quite quickly, perhaps if you knew the whole story, you'd understand why it wasn't that hard. I know that I haven't written about it on this blog, but I suppose I owe some kind of explanation. My cousin Amy sometimes reads this, and I don't believe she's aware of these details, as I asked my family not to share them with others (with my mom having 16 brothers/sisters, you tell one person something, and within a week, everyone knows!). I trust her with this information though, so I suppose it's time that I share.
In early January (the 14th), Mike lost his job unexpectedly. That was on a Monday. By Wednesday, he had decided he was going home to Alabama, without me. Decided just to drop me, just like that I suppose. Enter lots of heartache, blah blah blah. On his way to Alabama, he wrecked his car. I think I may have written about this? So I went to get him, he had to come back, we thought maybe we'd work on things. Well, eventually the heartache turned into doubt and worry. I was wondering what would stop him from just dropping me suddenly again, in the future. So while he made the initial decision to leave me & cancel our future together, I then decided that I could never trust him in the same way again & agreed now with his decision. The following Wednesday, I went to see a friend in Iowa. He was supposed to move all his stuff out of the apartment while I was gone. When I returned, some had been moved, but not all. He was no longer staying there though. The Monday after that (January 28), I returned home from work to find him in my apartment, asleep in my bed. He still had a key. Before waking him, I removed the key from his keyring. Then I woke him & told him he needed to get the rest of his belongings & get out. He refused, and I told him I'd call someone to escort him out then. Then he made a pretty stupid decision. One that of course he now blames me for, because that's how he is (it's always someone ELSE'S fault). He flew up out of bed and stormed down the hallway after me. Once in the living room, he puffed his chest out, pushing into me, walking forward (thus causing me to walk backwards), and this action pushed me down onto the couch. I told him calmly to get out of my face, and to leave now. He was completely out of control, in my face yelling, acting completely insane. Then he put his hand up in my face, in the shape of a fist. Then he punched me in the thigh. Out of reflex & defense, I hit him in the groin. He reeled back for a minute, but then that only made him more angry. I had stood up at this point, and he lunged at me again. I put my arm up to block him as he lunged at me, and that caused my shoulder to get hurt when his body slammed into it. He stormed out of the room & I ran out of the apartment & called 911. Cops came, he admitted to what he did, he was arrested, and he spent 4 days in jail. I went to court & got an emergency order of protection. Within an hour of getting out of jail, he'd all ready begun violating the order by calling me & leaving harrassing voicemails. The last straw though was when he called my elderly parents at 2 in the morning swearing at them and screaming at them. I'd had enough. So I called the cops on him again for violating the order. They listened to my messages (which were quite flavorful, let me tell you... he's really not too smart to be leaving harrassing & threatening messages as proof that he's off the deep end). Nothing ever came of it though. He wasn't arrested again, nada. Apparently my restraining order didn't do crap for me. Whatever. So this whole time, I'd been telling cops, the judge, anyone that would listen, that I thought he was suffering from a manic episode & needed psychiatric treatment. I've left out some big chunks, but just trust me... I've got a degree in psychology, and I know mania when I see it. He'd never been diagnosed as being bipolar, but I always believed he was. Though I'd never seen a manic episode from him quite like this. Sooo.... through a series of bizarre events that I won't go into right now, he finally was hospitalized & diagnosed as having Bipolar Disorder. He spent a week in the behavioral services floor of a local hospital. While I realize it was his illness causing his behavior, I have absolutely no desire whatsoever to speak to him, see him, whatever. It's unfortunate that things happened the way they did, but I'm certainly not sitting around thinking "woe is me".
Whew! So I didn't write all that for sympathy, pity, whatever... I just wrote it b/c I hadn't shared it on here & I thought I should. If you made it through all that, pat yourself on the back:)
So, as I was saying... I met a new boy. We've been spending a lot of time with one another, and it's nice. He's a change of pace, and I think we all need that... *insert clever transition*
Speaking of change of pace... I need to do something to change up my program. I have fallen into the rut that I didn't want myself to get in... and that's the rut of finding what is tasty & fits w/in your daily points & eat that... often. Meaning I've had a half turkey sandwich & a salad for lunch every day this week. When I first started my WW journey in August, I started this blog as a WW recipe blog... hence the name "Teale's Meals". I haven't shared recipes in quite some time though, and I'd like to get back to doing that. I'm thinking maybe even just a weekly post sharing the new recipes or items that I tried that week. The next couple months may not hold too much as far as trying new stuff goes, as I've recently gotten a 2nd job. It's just a temp job, 3 evenings a week from 6-10pm. So on those days, I work 7-530 at job #1, and 6-10 at job #2. And that does NOT leave time for any cooking! The extra money will be worth it though!
So anyway, this was insanely long, and if you are still reading, I'm surprised! LOL I didn't make it to my meeting on Tuesday b/c I had an out of town friend visiting (and I didn't really want to see the scale!), but I am going to a meeting tomorrow at noon. So, I'll give my weight update then!
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Unexpected Victory
Well, this was rather unexpected. I always psych myself up for weigh-ins, thinking that I did worse than I did. I guess it's my "expect the worst, hope for the best" philosophy.
But I lost freaking 4.6 pounds!!! Which puts me at an even 52 pounds lost!!!!! I BROKE THE 50 POUNDS MARK!!!
HOLY SHIT.
I honestly didn't know if I would ever get there. The last 7 weeks have been a struggle, only losing a pound at a time, when I'm used to some bigger numbers once in awhile. Well, this was my week!
I DID IT.
But I lost freaking 4.6 pounds!!! Which puts me at an even 52 pounds lost!!!!! I BROKE THE 50 POUNDS MARK!!!
HOLY SHIT.
I honestly didn't know if I would ever get there. The last 7 weeks have been a struggle, only losing a pound at a time, when I'm used to some bigger numbers once in awhile. Well, this was my week!
I DID IT.
New clothes!
So yesterday I was at the mall & stopped by a clothing store that we have here called Maurice's. They recently started carrying a plus-sized selection, although pretty minimal. They also do the silly sizing like some plus-sized stores do, where they don't just label them 16/18, 20/22, etc. They size them 1, 2, and 3. What the hell? Just tell me what size I am, I don't need this silly number system! Well, I guess that's just for their tops... their bottoms are sized regularly, although they do run small.
So anyway, in November when I met one of my goals, I bought a new outfit from there (the sweater seen in the Thanksgiving picture on my picture blog). I was wearing a 3 on top, and I was unable to fit into any of their bottoms. I haven't really shopped for an outfit from there since, but yesterday I decided to stop in.
I found a really cute blue top... kind of like a thin t-shirt, but very very cute. I grabbed a size 3. And I decided to give their jeans a try. They didn't have flares in a 24, so I grabbed the 22, feeling very doubtful that they'd fit. Well, the top turned out to be a pillowcase on me, so I had the sales person bring me a 2. I was skeptical that it'd fit though, for some reason. And so imagine my surprise when I put the 2 top on, in combination with the 22 bottoms, and it looked like this:
This is a very happy face:
Tonight is my weigh-in. Once again, I feel skeptical that I'll hit my 50-pound mark. I just haven't been trying as hard as I should. Just kind of been half-assing it enough to get by & continue to lose at least a little. We'll see tonight though. I weigh in at 6.
So anyway, in November when I met one of my goals, I bought a new outfit from there (the sweater seen in the Thanksgiving picture on my picture blog). I was wearing a 3 on top, and I was unable to fit into any of their bottoms. I haven't really shopped for an outfit from there since, but yesterday I decided to stop in.
I found a really cute blue top... kind of like a thin t-shirt, but very very cute. I grabbed a size 3. And I decided to give their jeans a try. They didn't have flares in a 24, so I grabbed the 22, feeling very doubtful that they'd fit. Well, the top turned out to be a pillowcase on me, so I had the sales person bring me a 2. I was skeptical that it'd fit though, for some reason. And so imagine my surprise when I put the 2 top on, in combination with the 22 bottoms, and it looked like this:
This is a very happy face:
Tonight is my weigh-in. Once again, I feel skeptical that I'll hit my 50-pound mark. I just haven't been trying as hard as I should. Just kind of been half-assing it enough to get by & continue to lose at least a little. We'll see tonight though. I weigh in at 6.
Friday, February 15, 2008
New 'Do
Today I chopped my hair off (about 5 inches) and got lowlights. My hair has gotten considerably lighter in the past year, and I missed my darker red hair. So, today I got it back!
What do you think?
What do you think?
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
HYC
So by some miracle or act of God, I lost weight this week. This week was worse than last week, food-wise. I mean literally, HORRIBLE. The past three days I was on track though... which is funny, because I say the whole week was horrible, and yet 3 of 7 days I was on track. Only FOUR days were horrible I guess. Still though, it was totally out of control. Saturday I ate all three meals out. And not even healthy meals. Crappy as they get meals.
I made it to the gym once this week. Better than none, right?
So tonight at my meeting I lost 0.8 pounds. It's coming off, tiny bit by tiny bit. I have been in the -40s for WEEKS. I'm ready to get over that hurdle! I can't even call this a "plateau" because the truth of the matter is, it's not a plateau when you're just being lazy. It's called "bad habits". And that's what I fell right back into this past week. But this is a new week & I'm rarin' to go!
I didn't stay for the meeting tonight. I was having dinner with someone so I needed to shower for that, plus my leader was gone so it was a different woman & I didn't care for her the last time I went to one of her meetings. This week was a monumental week though, it marked my 26th week on WW. That's half a year. And that's 26 weeks STRAIGHT. I haven't missed a single week this entire time. I think that's awesome. I was bummed my leader wasn't there to see that, but I'll tell her about it next week.
*sidenote* for those that asked, my coat is from Yohnker's (Bergner's/Carson's) and I got it in Iowa! It was on sale for $100 from $250. The only thing though, it's not the warmest coat I've had... but it's for sure the cutest!
I made it to the gym once this week. Better than none, right?
So tonight at my meeting I lost 0.8 pounds. It's coming off, tiny bit by tiny bit. I have been in the -40s for WEEKS. I'm ready to get over that hurdle! I can't even call this a "plateau" because the truth of the matter is, it's not a plateau when you're just being lazy. It's called "bad habits". And that's what I fell right back into this past week. But this is a new week & I'm rarin' to go!
I didn't stay for the meeting tonight. I was having dinner with someone so I needed to shower for that, plus my leader was gone so it was a different woman & I didn't care for her the last time I went to one of her meetings. This week was a monumental week though, it marked my 26th week on WW. That's half a year. And that's 26 weeks STRAIGHT. I haven't missed a single week this entire time. I think that's awesome. I was bummed my leader wasn't there to see that, but I'll tell her about it next week.
*sidenote* for those that asked, my coat is from Yohnker's (Bergner's/Carson's) and I got it in Iowa! It was on sale for $100 from $250. The only thing though, it's not the warmest coat I've had... but it's for sure the cutest!
Monday, February 11, 2008
My coat
I've been asked to post a picture of my new coat (like 2 weeks ago... lol). So I'm finally getting around to it. The pic is a little blurry, but you can get the general idea!
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Long time, no... blog?
Yes, I have been MIA, as I mentioned I might be. Too much going on to maintain everything on here as well as maintain my personal life & end up with a bit of sanity remaining. I have tried to stop by a few blogs, but I have over 300 updated entries in my google reader, and it's quite overwhelming. So, if I haven't been to your blog in awhile, it's nothing personal.
This was a rough week for me. A LOT more is going on in my personal life than I care to share here. It's not that I feel I have to hide it, I just prefer not to discuss it at this point. I blogged about it in my other blog, and I had about 50 people all coming at me with questions, which was very obtrusive & overwhelming. I know that people that have questions are just concerned and want to understand the situation better, but I need to worry about myself, not about easing other people's minds. But, I digress.
I have been spending a lot of time with friends lately. And while this is fun and always a good time, it also usually equals eating out. And while I am perfectly capable of making smart choices, this past week I just didn't feel like it. I felt like just not worrying about everything that went into my mouth for one week. I figured I would gain several pounds. I was OK with that. I just wanted an easy, carefree week, as far as food is concerned. I think part of it is self-sabotaging. I am so close to my 50-pound mark, but it's a big mental hurdle to get across. I don't really have the words to describe it, but it's knowing that you've gone SO FAR, but also seeing that you have EVEN FARTHER to go. I am about to lose 50 pounds, but I am still going to weigh almost 280 pounds. Sometimes that's overwhelming, and sometimes for a brief period of time, I just want to forget about it. So, I did this week.
However, I must have done a TINY bit right, because I still lost .2 pounds. Two tenths of a pound. Better than a gain, let me tell you. I have been inching towards the 270s for what seems like forever, but it's coming, a tiny bit at a time. So my total lost since August 21st is now 46.6 pounds.
I ordered pizza last night after my meeting. Tuesday is usually my "splurge" meal after weigh-ins. I was going to get chicken tenders from a fast food place (Culvers actually has pretty points-friendly tenders), but it was like a monsoon outside, so I ordered pizza. I ate two pieces, but now I have this pizza looming at me from the fridge. I ate two more pieces for dinner tonight.
And then I went to the gym for the first time in a month. I worked out for at least an hour. Maybe an hour & 15 minutes. I did the bike & walked on the treadmill. It was a mild workout, but it was good. It was progress. I had plans to meet my friend at the gym at 7, but instead I went about 20 minutes early. She was running late, and I wondered if she was coming, but I just kept right on with my workout. Eventually she did make it and joined me, but even if she hadn't, I was going strong!
I don't know if 3.4 is too much of a loss to ask for this week or not. I've had several weeks in the past where I've lost 4+ out of the blue, after several weeks of slow losses or gains. So, I suppose anything is possible. If not though, I know I'll get there. I'll get there when I'm ready. And if next week is the week I'm ready, I know I'll be given the loss.
This was a rough week for me. A LOT more is going on in my personal life than I care to share here. It's not that I feel I have to hide it, I just prefer not to discuss it at this point. I blogged about it in my other blog, and I had about 50 people all coming at me with questions, which was very obtrusive & overwhelming. I know that people that have questions are just concerned and want to understand the situation better, but I need to worry about myself, not about easing other people's minds. But, I digress.
I have been spending a lot of time with friends lately. And while this is fun and always a good time, it also usually equals eating out. And while I am perfectly capable of making smart choices, this past week I just didn't feel like it. I felt like just not worrying about everything that went into my mouth for one week. I figured I would gain several pounds. I was OK with that. I just wanted an easy, carefree week, as far as food is concerned. I think part of it is self-sabotaging. I am so close to my 50-pound mark, but it's a big mental hurdle to get across. I don't really have the words to describe it, but it's knowing that you've gone SO FAR, but also seeing that you have EVEN FARTHER to go. I am about to lose 50 pounds, but I am still going to weigh almost 280 pounds. Sometimes that's overwhelming, and sometimes for a brief period of time, I just want to forget about it. So, I did this week.
However, I must have done a TINY bit right, because I still lost .2 pounds. Two tenths of a pound. Better than a gain, let me tell you. I have been inching towards the 270s for what seems like forever, but it's coming, a tiny bit at a time. So my total lost since August 21st is now 46.6 pounds.
I ordered pizza last night after my meeting. Tuesday is usually my "splurge" meal after weigh-ins. I was going to get chicken tenders from a fast food place (Culvers actually has pretty points-friendly tenders), but it was like a monsoon outside, so I ordered pizza. I ate two pieces, but now I have this pizza looming at me from the fridge. I ate two more pieces for dinner tonight.
And then I went to the gym for the first time in a month. I worked out for at least an hour. Maybe an hour & 15 minutes. I did the bike & walked on the treadmill. It was a mild workout, but it was good. It was progress. I had plans to meet my friend at the gym at 7, but instead I went about 20 minutes early. She was running late, and I wondered if she was coming, but I just kept right on with my workout. Eventually she did make it and joined me, but even if she hadn't, I was going strong!
I don't know if 3.4 is too much of a loss to ask for this week or not. I've had several weeks in the past where I've lost 4+ out of the blue, after several weeks of slow losses or gains. So, I suppose anything is possible. If not though, I know I'll get there. I'll get there when I'm ready. And if next week is the week I'm ready, I know I'll be given the loss.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Healthy You Post
This was a pretty good week, WW-wise. Personal life-wise, it was a shitty week. But I'm not going to go there.
I didn't eat "healthy" this week, but I did stick w/in my points. And I think sometimes your body needs you to just switch it up. This weekend, I had a couple days of some bad food decisions. I logged everything I ate though, and I did have points for it all. My weekend food included pizza, mexican, margaritas, steak dinner (complete w/baked potato & dinner rolls), and ice cream. It was a weekend of "old" eating.
But, it didn't hurt me. You're allowed to splurge once in awhile. Noone is perfect. If you deny yourself what you're craving, it's only going to make the craving worse. Then when you do finally give in, you're more likely to go WAY overboard.
So tonight I stepped on the scale, and I was happily down 3 pounds! That is 46.4 pounds total so far. I'm inching closer to the 50 pound mark. I feel like I've been in this weight "decade" for EVER. I'll be so happy to see that next decade!
I probably will continue to be a little absent from the consistent blogs & reading all of you right now. My personal life has to come first, and I need to sort things out with that in my own time. I miss you & love you all!
I didn't eat "healthy" this week, but I did stick w/in my points. And I think sometimes your body needs you to just switch it up. This weekend, I had a couple days of some bad food decisions. I logged everything I ate though, and I did have points for it all. My weekend food included pizza, mexican, margaritas, steak dinner (complete w/baked potato & dinner rolls), and ice cream. It was a weekend of "old" eating.
But, it didn't hurt me. You're allowed to splurge once in awhile. Noone is perfect. If you deny yourself what you're craving, it's only going to make the craving worse. Then when you do finally give in, you're more likely to go WAY overboard.
So tonight I stepped on the scale, and I was happily down 3 pounds! That is 46.4 pounds total so far. I'm inching closer to the 50 pound mark. I feel like I've been in this weight "decade" for EVER. I'll be so happy to see that next decade!
I probably will continue to be a little absent from the consistent blogs & reading all of you right now. My personal life has to come first, and I need to sort things out with that in my own time. I miss you & love you all!
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