Today I was pleasantly surprised on the scale... I was down again!
I suppose I should put a number to things... I mentioned that I had gained about 40 pounds back... so if you knew my starting weigh, you could do the math... but I was too embarrassed to actually put it out there. When I stepped on the scale 2 weeks ago, it said 312.2
Yikes! Today though, after 2 weeks of NOT eating out like a crazy person *but still once in awhile like a normal person!* and cooking some tasty meals at home... I am at 305.2! So, in 2 week's time, just making a small modification to my life, I lost 7 pounds! That is progress I am pleased with!
Friday, July 25, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Progress
I have done well the past week-ish. I weighed myself on 7/11 and again on 7/18 and I had lost 3 pounds! I peeked yesterday and was down another pound, so we'll see on Friday where things are at.
I have been doing really well about not eating out. I had 3 dinners out this week--one was at a stir fry place, so I did well, one was at a steakhouse, and I did indulge in a shared appetizer, as well as some sweet tea, but I took half my steak home with me, then the third place was Red Lobster, and instead of having grilled fish, I did have it fried... but I took half home with me to have for another meal. So, I am making progress. I can't change habits overnight... well, I suppose I could, but then I'm just more likely to go back to the "old" way eventually.
I've been cooking a lot, which is awesome of me! I made porcupine meatballs, stuffing burgers, and hamburger helper (ugh) this week. I did the HH last night b/c that was pretty much my only option. It was an old box that I've had in the house for months, and I had some ground beef, so I put the 2 together. I am trying really hard to get only food I need at the grocery store & make it last exactly as long as I need it to before grocery shopping again. My fridge is just about empty right now, but payday is tomorrow, so I'll get to stock up on stuff!
Exercise isn't happening just yet,but I'm easing myself in slowly. My first focus had to be to stop eating out so much. I also have a shouder injury (pulled all 4 muscles in my rotator cuff) and I'm doing occupational therapy to help with it. Kinda makes it hard to do the elliptical when I can't move my shoulder without extreme pain. One thing at a time...!
I have been doing really well about not eating out. I had 3 dinners out this week--one was at a stir fry place, so I did well, one was at a steakhouse, and I did indulge in a shared appetizer, as well as some sweet tea, but I took half my steak home with me, then the third place was Red Lobster, and instead of having grilled fish, I did have it fried... but I took half home with me to have for another meal. So, I am making progress. I can't change habits overnight... well, I suppose I could, but then I'm just more likely to go back to the "old" way eventually.
I've been cooking a lot, which is awesome of me! I made porcupine meatballs, stuffing burgers, and hamburger helper (ugh) this week. I did the HH last night b/c that was pretty much my only option. It was an old box that I've had in the house for months, and I had some ground beef, so I put the 2 together. I am trying really hard to get only food I need at the grocery store & make it last exactly as long as I need it to before grocery shopping again. My fridge is just about empty right now, but payday is tomorrow, so I'll get to stock up on stuff!
Exercise isn't happening just yet,but I'm easing myself in slowly. My first focus had to be to stop eating out so much. I also have a shouder injury (pulled all 4 muscles in my rotator cuff) and I'm doing occupational therapy to help with it. Kinda makes it hard to do the elliptical when I can't move my shoulder without extreme pain. One thing at a time...!
Thursday, July 17, 2008
One step at a time.
My boyfriend jumped on the bandwagon! HE actually said to ME that he is unhappy with his weight gain since we started dating, and that he wants to do something about it. This will be so much less difficult now! It's so hard to avoid temptation when the other person gives into it and encourages you to have that ice cream or that double cheeseburger too. He thinks he's being sweet by bringing me a milkshake at 10pm, but really, that's not what I need to be doing.
I would never had encouraged him to lose weight just because I was. He's a big guy, but I love 'em that way, and think he's just as good looking 40 pounds heavier as he was on the day we met. But, because he has said that he wants to lose, I am all over this now! I'm trying to be Miss Motivation and keep both of us focused.
My first plan of action has been to stop with the fast food. It was totally out of control and driven by pure laziness. This week I have cooked more than I have probably in the last 2 months. It feels good to be cooking again and trying new recipes. Right now, these recipes may not be as healthy as they will be in the future, but it is a start. I am cooking and not eating out, so this is progress.
My friend Melissa commented my last entry (don't you love when I make a little shout out to you?!) and suggested I set a small goal for myself, weight-wise. We are going to a concert in late August, and so my goal by that concert is to be back in the 290's. Yes, I have gone over to the dark side once again and am in the 300's. So, I'll keep you all posted. I have decided that Friday mornings will be when I weigh in. This is for two reasons. For one, I figure the weekends are probably the time that I am most likely to indulge. That gives me 5 weekdays to be back on track before weighing in. Then again, my second reason is that if I weigh in on friday and see positive results, or a nice loss, I may be less likely to indulge on the weekends because I don't want to lose that positie progress that I've made.
So, for right now, that is the plan. Baby steps!
I would never had encouraged him to lose weight just because I was. He's a big guy, but I love 'em that way, and think he's just as good looking 40 pounds heavier as he was on the day we met. But, because he has said that he wants to lose, I am all over this now! I'm trying to be Miss Motivation and keep both of us focused.
My first plan of action has been to stop with the fast food. It was totally out of control and driven by pure laziness. This week I have cooked more than I have probably in the last 2 months. It feels good to be cooking again and trying new recipes. Right now, these recipes may not be as healthy as they will be in the future, but it is a start. I am cooking and not eating out, so this is progress.
My friend Melissa commented my last entry (don't you love when I make a little shout out to you?!) and suggested I set a small goal for myself, weight-wise. We are going to a concert in late August, and so my goal by that concert is to be back in the 290's. Yes, I have gone over to the dark side once again and am in the 300's. So, I'll keep you all posted. I have decided that Friday mornings will be when I weigh in. This is for two reasons. For one, I figure the weekends are probably the time that I am most likely to indulge. That gives me 5 weekdays to be back on track before weighing in. Then again, my second reason is that if I weigh in on friday and see positive results, or a nice loss, I may be less likely to indulge on the weekends because I don't want to lose that positie progress that I've made.
So, for right now, that is the plan. Baby steps!
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end
I have to make changes. That's all there is to it. I have made them before, what was it that changed and caused me to throw practically ALL of my hard work to the wayside? My weight and food battle HAS to be emotional. I recognize this. I can name what the problem is, but I'm unsure how to tackle the problem. I have a degree in psychology, so I can analyze this all I want, but until I find my solution, I fear that every effort will have the same conclusion. So this time, I have to have a different focus.
So let's examine things... I had a pretty great upbringing. Grandparents raised me, did a wonderful job. Parents were always a part of my life, just not full-time. This really didn't cause me any great distress or feelings of abandonment. I always felt loved. Somewhere between my 4th and 5th year, I went from an average looking toddler to a 108 pound kindergartner. It was during this year that we moved next door to my great grandma. At her house, I was given free reign to all the cheese and bread/butter I wanted. No tragic event happened, no great distress in my childhood... In fact, I was surrounded by family a lot of the time. I had friends. But I still got fat...
I was talking on the phone to a fellow weight-watcher, my friend Melissa about a week ago, and we talked about how our attachment to food has never been normal, even as children. I remember sneaking to the cookie jar & trying not to let the lid clink against the lip of the base when I tried to steal a couple cookies. I don't know why I felt the need to sneak, because odds are, if I would have asked, my parents would have permitted me to have the cookies. But even as a 7 or 8 year old, I felt shame attached to the fact that I was eating bad stuff. I was never scolded about this from my parents, they never talked about how I was fat or how I needed to eat healthier.
The ridicule always came from kids at school. I got used to it. I didn't have bad self-esteem, I just brushed off the kids (who turned into teens and then adults) who would make comments or jokes about my weight. They were just words, and my parents always instilled the "sticks and stones may break my bones" mentality.
I had a lot of friends growing up. I wasn't outcast because I was overweight. In fact, my personality was stellar and most people liked me. I was the funny fat girl. I could have an attitude if necessary, but I could also be sweet as pie. People knew who I was... ok, so it was a small school... people knew who everyone was:) I didn't have a serious boyfriend in high school, though I did get a little attention on a couple occasions, which was a nice change.
College was when I think I mistakenly thought that attention of any kind equaled good attention. I did end up meeting a couple winners out of the bunch and did have several relationships throughout college. During this time, I also joined WW for the first time and had success, losing about 40 pounds. Eventually, I gained it all back though. The summer after I graduated, I met Mike. We met in July, started dating in October, got engaged in February, and by April, I had gained about 50 pounds in about 9 months' time. In August 2007, I joined WW again. I was getting married in 7 months, and I wanted to look great. I ended up being very successful on the program. So successful, in fact, that I had to get a new wedding dress, because the one I purchased at my heaviest was over a full size too big now.
Then it all went sour. See old entries for gory details, but long story short, Mike called things off, there was a domestic battery charge, he went to jail, life goes on... I surprisingly still did very well with WW after all of that, and hit my 50 pound loss mark in February. This was the same time that I met the love of my life, Eddie. I met him when I was looking my best, and now here we are almost 6 months later, and I have once again gained ridiculous sums of weight. To the tune of about 40 pounds. He has also gained weight, and we talk about how we need to make changes.
For the first time in my life, I actually am uncomfortable in my skin. Even at my heaviest, I didn't see myself as that big. I was buying size 26 clothing, but it didnt' click that that was pretty large. I have always liked myself when I looked in the mirror, even if I wasn't totally thrilled with the package. Right now, I don't like what I see. I am very disgusted with myself. Earlier this year, I was looking the best that I ever had, and now I feel like I'm looking my worst. And this isn't just about how I look. I FEEL miserable. Bending over is a chore. Taking stairs is a chore. My back hurts, my knees hurt, I'm lethargic.
Enough is enough. While I don't know at this point WHY I continue to cycle like this, I need to search and get to the bottom of things, or else this will be a lifetime cycle.
My new goal for 2008 is to lose the weight I have gained since February. I am no longer going to attend WW meetings. I am going to do this on my own. There are other people that can do it, and I know I can too, if I put my mind to it.
I'm not usually a comment nazi, but I put a lot into this post, and I really can use all the encouragement I can get. If you've got any words of wisdom, or just a tiny little pat on the back to keep me going, I would appreciate it.
So let's examine things... I had a pretty great upbringing. Grandparents raised me, did a wonderful job. Parents were always a part of my life, just not full-time. This really didn't cause me any great distress or feelings of abandonment. I always felt loved. Somewhere between my 4th and 5th year, I went from an average looking toddler to a 108 pound kindergartner. It was during this year that we moved next door to my great grandma. At her house, I was given free reign to all the cheese and bread/butter I wanted. No tragic event happened, no great distress in my childhood... In fact, I was surrounded by family a lot of the time. I had friends. But I still got fat...
I was talking on the phone to a fellow weight-watcher, my friend Melissa about a week ago, and we talked about how our attachment to food has never been normal, even as children. I remember sneaking to the cookie jar & trying not to let the lid clink against the lip of the base when I tried to steal a couple cookies. I don't know why I felt the need to sneak, because odds are, if I would have asked, my parents would have permitted me to have the cookies. But even as a 7 or 8 year old, I felt shame attached to the fact that I was eating bad stuff. I was never scolded about this from my parents, they never talked about how I was fat or how I needed to eat healthier.
The ridicule always came from kids at school. I got used to it. I didn't have bad self-esteem, I just brushed off the kids (who turned into teens and then adults) who would make comments or jokes about my weight. They were just words, and my parents always instilled the "sticks and stones may break my bones" mentality.
I had a lot of friends growing up. I wasn't outcast because I was overweight. In fact, my personality was stellar and most people liked me. I was the funny fat girl. I could have an attitude if necessary, but I could also be sweet as pie. People knew who I was... ok, so it was a small school... people knew who everyone was:) I didn't have a serious boyfriend in high school, though I did get a little attention on a couple occasions, which was a nice change.
College was when I think I mistakenly thought that attention of any kind equaled good attention. I did end up meeting a couple winners out of the bunch and did have several relationships throughout college. During this time, I also joined WW for the first time and had success, losing about 40 pounds. Eventually, I gained it all back though. The summer after I graduated, I met Mike. We met in July, started dating in October, got engaged in February, and by April, I had gained about 50 pounds in about 9 months' time. In August 2007, I joined WW again. I was getting married in 7 months, and I wanted to look great. I ended up being very successful on the program. So successful, in fact, that I had to get a new wedding dress, because the one I purchased at my heaviest was over a full size too big now.
Then it all went sour. See old entries for gory details, but long story short, Mike called things off, there was a domestic battery charge, he went to jail, life goes on... I surprisingly still did very well with WW after all of that, and hit my 50 pound loss mark in February. This was the same time that I met the love of my life, Eddie. I met him when I was looking my best, and now here we are almost 6 months later, and I have once again gained ridiculous sums of weight. To the tune of about 40 pounds. He has also gained weight, and we talk about how we need to make changes.
For the first time in my life, I actually am uncomfortable in my skin. Even at my heaviest, I didn't see myself as that big. I was buying size 26 clothing, but it didnt' click that that was pretty large. I have always liked myself when I looked in the mirror, even if I wasn't totally thrilled with the package. Right now, I don't like what I see. I am very disgusted with myself. Earlier this year, I was looking the best that I ever had, and now I feel like I'm looking my worst. And this isn't just about how I look. I FEEL miserable. Bending over is a chore. Taking stairs is a chore. My back hurts, my knees hurt, I'm lethargic.
Enough is enough. While I don't know at this point WHY I continue to cycle like this, I need to search and get to the bottom of things, or else this will be a lifetime cycle.
My new goal for 2008 is to lose the weight I have gained since February. I am no longer going to attend WW meetings. I am going to do this on my own. There are other people that can do it, and I know I can too, if I put my mind to it.
I'm not usually a comment nazi, but I put a lot into this post, and I really can use all the encouragement I can get. If you've got any words of wisdom, or just a tiny little pat on the back to keep me going, I would appreciate it.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Frustrated
So I tried to take a step in the right direction today and it toally backfired and I'm sitting in my cubicle at work trying not to kick and scream and cry like a baby.
I thought that I would go to a nutritionist. I wonder about it being beneficial to me, because I basically know what I SHOULD be doing, but I'm just choosing not to... but, I thought it was worth a try. And it would be effort towards doing something good for myself. So I called my insurance to see about coverage for a nutritionist. Some plans require you to have a referral from a doctor or they won't cover the services.
So, I talk to insurance girl for awhile and she researches it and my plan doesn't cover a nutritionist for weight loss specifically. That I have to have a documented health problem to be able to have the services covered. And since I don't have a problem like diabetes or high blood pressure & am "healthy" then it's not covered. SINCE WHEN IS OBESITY NOT A HEALTH PROBLEM?!!?!
So I have to just wait until I have a heart murmur or my pancreas stops producing insulin before they will cover my visit? This is such bullshit.
*edit* I called insurance again to get a second opinion... to ask that if I got a referral from a doc that it's medically reccomended to lose weight, would it be covered. She said that the doc could send in a referral to insurance, but that it probably wouldnt' be approved b/c seeing a nutritionist for a weight loss program specifically, with no health problems, is not covered. Nevermind the fact that I am at RISK for tons of health problems, I just don't have them yet. What about preventative medicine? So they won't let me see a nutritionist now, but say in a year when I have to see a doc b/c I am having health problems, it's going to cost insurance a hell of a lot more money then than it would now. I feel so angry. It took so much for me to get on that phone, to make the decision that I would see someone, and now it's not even possible. It's hard to admit that you cannot help yourself & you need someone to help you... and even harder after you try and try again and get nowhere. I can see why people remain overweight if they dont' get anywhere when trying. Why bother, right?
I thought that I would go to a nutritionist. I wonder about it being beneficial to me, because I basically know what I SHOULD be doing, but I'm just choosing not to... but, I thought it was worth a try. And it would be effort towards doing something good for myself. So I called my insurance to see about coverage for a nutritionist. Some plans require you to have a referral from a doctor or they won't cover the services.
So, I talk to insurance girl for awhile and she researches it and my plan doesn't cover a nutritionist for weight loss specifically. That I have to have a documented health problem to be able to have the services covered. And since I don't have a problem like diabetes or high blood pressure & am "healthy" then it's not covered. SINCE WHEN IS OBESITY NOT A HEALTH PROBLEM?!!?!
So I have to just wait until I have a heart murmur or my pancreas stops producing insulin before they will cover my visit? This is such bullshit.
*edit* I called insurance again to get a second opinion... to ask that if I got a referral from a doc that it's medically reccomended to lose weight, would it be covered. She said that the doc could send in a referral to insurance, but that it probably wouldnt' be approved b/c seeing a nutritionist for a weight loss program specifically, with no health problems, is not covered. Nevermind the fact that I am at RISK for tons of health problems, I just don't have them yet. What about preventative medicine? So they won't let me see a nutritionist now, but say in a year when I have to see a doc b/c I am having health problems, it's going to cost insurance a hell of a lot more money then than it would now. I feel so angry. It took so much for me to get on that phone, to make the decision that I would see someone, and now it's not even possible. It's hard to admit that you cannot help yourself & you need someone to help you... and even harder after you try and try again and get nowhere. I can see why people remain overweight if they dont' get anywhere when trying. Why bother, right?
Monday, July 7, 2008
Cancellation
I cancelled my WW subscription today. So I am paid up thru August 20, which means I did join the program for a year like I said I would... it's a shame I have not really participated since about February though.
6 wasted months on WW times $40/month equals 30 pounds Teale has regained.
I can't shake the "oh well" attitude I have about it. Kind of just feel like "well, it was bound to happen eventually... it always does..."
6 wasted months on WW times $40/month equals 30 pounds Teale has regained.
I can't shake the "oh well" attitude I have about it. Kind of just feel like "well, it was bound to happen eventually... it always does..."
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
What's going on
I haven't written a HYC checkin in awhile, and this week is no different... instead, I give you this:
Kathy just wrote a great post that you should check out. It talks about how so many of us stop blogging just because our weight loss efforts (or lack thereof) have stalled. Maybe some get tired of just focusing on counting points, calories, whatever, and blogging about how they're doing with that. She challenges us to still write about our lives, even when we're not writing about weight-loss. We come to appreciate our blogger friends b/c of who they are as people, not how they're doing with their weight loss efforts. Maybe we started reading them because we had that one link in common, but over time, we care about them more than just that tiny aspect of their life.
So, I'm blogging. I keep another blog that I write about my daily life in, but if you don't read that (and I believe only one of you does b/c it's on a site that you have to have an account or reader password to access), then you might not even know much about me and what's going on in my life. So let's change that. I'm going to write a brief little synopsis of things, and if you have any questions or things you'd like to know about me or want me to share, ask away... everythign is fair game!
I am 24 years old, and I live in central Illinois. I have a degree in psychology, but I work in a job where it's not required, nor does it pay well. This has me down in the dumps recently, and until I find something new & rewarding, I highly doubt I will be able to focus on anything weight-loss related.
2008 started out as a really rough year for me. I was supposed to be married in March, but 2 months before the wedding, my ex-fiance called things off. There was quite a bit of drama surrounding this, which involved him getting a domestic battery charge & spending a bit of time in jail for that & for violating my restraining order. Thankfully he's no longer in my life. Shortly after that drama ensued, I met a wonderful man named Eddie. He and I have been dating for a little over 4 months, and I honestly have never in my life been happier with a partner. I won't deny that I did love my ex-fiance, but I didn't really know what it was like to love someone like I love Eddie. It's totally different, and was definately worth all the heartache I've suffered in the past to finally have someone like him.
I have a variety of hobbies that include reading, scrapbooking, crocheting, letterboxing (look that one up!), and just about anything else creative that I can get my hands on. I have a habit of starting projets but not finishing them (trend, perhaps?), so that's something I want to work on.
Anyway, at least I made a post, and that's gotta count for something, right?
Kathy just wrote a great post that you should check out. It talks about how so many of us stop blogging just because our weight loss efforts (or lack thereof) have stalled. Maybe some get tired of just focusing on counting points, calories, whatever, and blogging about how they're doing with that. She challenges us to still write about our lives, even when we're not writing about weight-loss. We come to appreciate our blogger friends b/c of who they are as people, not how they're doing with their weight loss efforts. Maybe we started reading them because we had that one link in common, but over time, we care about them more than just that tiny aspect of their life.
So, I'm blogging. I keep another blog that I write about my daily life in, but if you don't read that (and I believe only one of you does b/c it's on a site that you have to have an account or reader password to access), then you might not even know much about me and what's going on in my life. So let's change that. I'm going to write a brief little synopsis of things, and if you have any questions or things you'd like to know about me or want me to share, ask away... everythign is fair game!
I am 24 years old, and I live in central Illinois. I have a degree in psychology, but I work in a job where it's not required, nor does it pay well. This has me down in the dumps recently, and until I find something new & rewarding, I highly doubt I will be able to focus on anything weight-loss related.
2008 started out as a really rough year for me. I was supposed to be married in March, but 2 months before the wedding, my ex-fiance called things off. There was quite a bit of drama surrounding this, which involved him getting a domestic battery charge & spending a bit of time in jail for that & for violating my restraining order. Thankfully he's no longer in my life. Shortly after that drama ensued, I met a wonderful man named Eddie. He and I have been dating for a little over 4 months, and I honestly have never in my life been happier with a partner. I won't deny that I did love my ex-fiance, but I didn't really know what it was like to love someone like I love Eddie. It's totally different, and was definately worth all the heartache I've suffered in the past to finally have someone like him.
I have a variety of hobbies that include reading, scrapbooking, crocheting, letterboxing (look that one up!), and just about anything else creative that I can get my hands on. I have a habit of starting projets but not finishing them (trend, perhaps?), so that's something I want to work on.
Anyway, at least I made a post, and that's gotta count for something, right?
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
MIA
So it's interesting, I haven't posted in who knows how long, and I had forgotten that I hadn't even gotten around to it until Lyn sent me a comment today. I greatly appreciate her remembering me and coming by to check in on me. Which is something noone else has done. It's not that I went MIA to see who would notice... I went MIA because I continue to be a fatass and gorge myself with stupid foods that contain little to no nutritional value. That's why I've been MIA.
This place is a wonderful community if you're doing well, and pretty good still, even if you publicly struggle, but it's easy to be forgotten about if you drop off the blog world for a little while. I know I am guilty of it too, not checking in on people in my google reader that have been missing for a little while... but those people are probably the ones who need the encouragement the most. Those are the ones who need to feel a team of people behind them, pushing them up out of the black hole. They're the ones who need to feel supported & need to feel like others believe they can actually succeed.
Because right now, I don't. And I don't even care.
This place is a wonderful community if you're doing well, and pretty good still, even if you publicly struggle, but it's easy to be forgotten about if you drop off the blog world for a little while. I know I am guilty of it too, not checking in on people in my google reader that have been missing for a little while... but those people are probably the ones who need the encouragement the most. Those are the ones who need to feel a team of people behind them, pushing them up out of the black hole. They're the ones who need to feel supported & need to feel like others believe they can actually succeed.
Because right now, I don't. And I don't even care.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Accountability 6/11
Today was a bit of an indulgence day, but not overboard. We had an employee appreciation lunch, and boy was it delicious! Here's today's food, just so that I get back into the habit of keeping track.
(B)Toast, scrambled egg, sausage patty, cheese (8)
(L)2 big strawberries & 3 carrot sticks (1?), spoon of macaroni salad (1), 2 soft tacos (10)
(S1)Banana (2)
(S2)2 Rice Cakes (2)
(D)Tomato/Olive oil/Goat cheese, Broccoli, Wheat Spaghetti w/parmesan & spray butter (9)
(S3)Ice cream cone (3)
Total: 36
You know, I guess I didn't really do as badly as I thought I did... Yes, dairy is a struggle of mine... but one struggle at a time... fruits & veggies for today were pretty good, so that is a positive!
I had mapped out a 5K walk in my neighborhood for tonight, but I got off work a little early & felt like just relaxing. Tomorrow perhaps. I am participating in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure on Saturday. It will be my first 5K. I will be walking, but the point is that I will be participating! One of my 2008 goals was to do a 5K, so we can cross that off the list on Saturday!
(B)Toast, scrambled egg, sausage patty, cheese (8)
(L)2 big strawberries & 3 carrot sticks (1?), spoon of macaroni salad (1), 2 soft tacos (10)
(S1)Banana (2)
(S2)2 Rice Cakes (2)
(D)Tomato/Olive oil/Goat cheese, Broccoli, Wheat Spaghetti w/parmesan & spray butter (9)
(S3)Ice cream cone (3)
Total: 36
You know, I guess I didn't really do as badly as I thought I did... Yes, dairy is a struggle of mine... but one struggle at a time... fruits & veggies for today were pretty good, so that is a positive!
I had mapped out a 5K walk in my neighborhood for tonight, but I got off work a little early & felt like just relaxing. Tomorrow perhaps. I am participating in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure on Saturday. It will be my first 5K. I will be walking, but the point is that I will be participating! One of my 2008 goals was to do a 5K, so we can cross that off the list on Saturday!
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Facing the music.
You know, that expression "Time to face the music" sounds a lot more glamourous than it really is. There was actually no music. Not even a little horn, or even a whistle. But figuratively, I did face it at Weight Watchers tonight.
I knew what it was going to say... I've been weighing at home & seeing that number rise and rise. So it wasn't going to be a surprise... I just didn't want to see that +15ish pounds that I knew was going to be written on my WW card. It turned out to be +14.4. In one month. Do you see how easy it is to put this stupid weight back on, yet so hard to take it off? ONE MONTH and I gained back what it takes people 2 or so months (at least) to lose! So, overall I am up 20.2 pounds from my lowest. That puts me at 294 pounds. Big old 294.
But, at least it's on paper, and it's a new starting point.
Day two also went very well, considering that having to face my weight, in addition to being told I didn't get a job I was vying (sp?) for... my instinct was "I want food". But I resisted, to an extent. I still did grab my baggie full of dry cereal when I felt mopey, so I was still eating emotionally, but it wasn't a bag of chips or a carton of ice cream. It was an improvement.
Today's food:
(b)Donut & orange juice (6)
(s1)Granola bar & banana (4)
(l)LC meal & salad (10)
(s2)dry cereal (3)
(d)Beef & broccoli (no rice!) & tomato w/olive oil & goat cheese (8)
(s3)Ice cream cone (3)
Total: 34
I knew what it was going to say... I've been weighing at home & seeing that number rise and rise. So it wasn't going to be a surprise... I just didn't want to see that +15ish pounds that I knew was going to be written on my WW card. It turned out to be +14.4. In one month. Do you see how easy it is to put this stupid weight back on, yet so hard to take it off? ONE MONTH and I gained back what it takes people 2 or so months (at least) to lose! So, overall I am up 20.2 pounds from my lowest. That puts me at 294 pounds. Big old 294.
But, at least it's on paper, and it's a new starting point.
Day two also went very well, considering that having to face my weight, in addition to being told I didn't get a job I was vying (sp?) for... my instinct was "I want food". But I resisted, to an extent. I still did grab my baggie full of dry cereal when I felt mopey, so I was still eating emotionally, but it wasn't a bag of chips or a carton of ice cream. It was an improvement.
Today's food:
(b)Donut & orange juice (6)
(s1)Granola bar & banana (4)
(l)LC meal & salad (10)
(s2)dry cereal (3)
(d)Beef & broccoli (no rice!) & tomato w/olive oil & goat cheese (8)
(s3)Ice cream cone (3)
Total: 34
One day under my belt.
I actually did it! I stuck to something for a change! Granted, it was a day, but still... IT WAS A WHOLE DAY!
My menu ended up looking like this
(b)Cereal w/Milk (5)
(s1)Granola Bar & banana (4)
(l)LC meal & salad (10)
(s2) popcorn (4)
(d)Taco Salad & tomatoes/olive oil/goat cheese (10)
(s2)Ice Cream (6)
Total: 39 (I honestly don't know how many points I'm supposed to have b/c I haven't recalculated since my weight gain... It's right around this though, I'm sure)
That was one day of NO eating out, one day of tracking my food, one day of getting in multiple fruits/veggies, and one day of GOING TO THE GYM!!!
Let me just elaborate... I HATE THE GYM. HATE.IT. I wish I was one of those people that loved it, but really, I just don't. I told myself that I would committ to 20 minutes on the elliptical last night though, and20 minutes I did. It was the longest 20 minutes I'd had in awhile. After what seemed like ages, I checked the clock and it had only bee 6 minutes. SIX?!!? I thought sure it was like 16, but no. I wanted to just stop right there, but I kept going for 20 stinking minutes. I hate the gym.
Tonight is the Weight Watchers Meeting of Doom. (cue menacing music). I haven't been in a month... used to, after like 4 missed meetings, your membership was cancelled & you had to start from scratch. I'm not sure how it works when you pay by the month... My credit card continues to be charged, even when I don't go. I'm currently paid up through the 20th of the month... so if they try and tell me I have to start over, there will be hell to pay. I'm not starting over. I will committ to 2 more months on the WW program, which will put me at my WW anniversary. At the end of those 2 months, I'll reevaluate if I feel like spending $40/month and going to meetings is still helpful to me. We shall see.
I'm not making a gym committment today. If I have time this evening, I may go, but it's not pencilled in on the agenda.
Today's tentative menu:
(b) Donut & orange juice (6) *Breakfast was supposed to be cereal w/milk, but I got to work & it was employee appreciation day and they had a whole spread of donuts, bagels, etc. I got one donut w/very little icing and that's it. Go Teale.*
(s1) Granola bar & Banana (4)
(l) LC meal & salad (10)
(s2)Banana or dry cereal or mini rice cakes (2)
(d) Beef & broccoli w/rice and tomatoes w/olive oil & goat cheese(10)
(s3) Ice cream Bar (2)
Tentative total: 34
My menu ended up looking like this
(b)Cereal w/Milk (5)
(s1)Granola Bar & banana (4)
(l)LC meal & salad (10)
(s2) popcorn (4)
(d)Taco Salad & tomatoes/olive oil/goat cheese (10)
(s2)Ice Cream (6)
Total: 39 (I honestly don't know how many points I'm supposed to have b/c I haven't recalculated since my weight gain... It's right around this though, I'm sure)
That was one day of NO eating out, one day of tracking my food, one day of getting in multiple fruits/veggies, and one day of GOING TO THE GYM!!!
Let me just elaborate... I HATE THE GYM. HATE.IT. I wish I was one of those people that loved it, but really, I just don't. I told myself that I would committ to 20 minutes on the elliptical last night though, and20 minutes I did. It was the longest 20 minutes I'd had in awhile. After what seemed like ages, I checked the clock and it had only bee 6 minutes. SIX?!!? I thought sure it was like 16, but no. I wanted to just stop right there, but I kept going for 20 stinking minutes. I hate the gym.
Tonight is the Weight Watchers Meeting of Doom. (cue menacing music). I haven't been in a month... used to, after like 4 missed meetings, your membership was cancelled & you had to start from scratch. I'm not sure how it works when you pay by the month... My credit card continues to be charged, even when I don't go. I'm currently paid up through the 20th of the month... so if they try and tell me I have to start over, there will be hell to pay. I'm not starting over. I will committ to 2 more months on the WW program, which will put me at my WW anniversary. At the end of those 2 months, I'll reevaluate if I feel like spending $40/month and going to meetings is still helpful to me. We shall see.
I'm not making a gym committment today. If I have time this evening, I may go, but it's not pencilled in on the agenda.
Today's tentative menu:
(b) Donut & orange juice (6) *Breakfast was supposed to be cereal w/milk, but I got to work & it was employee appreciation day and they had a whole spread of donuts, bagels, etc. I got one donut w/very little icing and that's it. Go Teale.*
(s1) Granola bar & Banana (4)
(l) LC meal & salad (10)
(s2)Banana or dry cereal or mini rice cakes (2)
(d) Beef & broccoli w/rice and tomatoes w/olive oil & goat cheese(10)
(s3) Ice cream Bar (2)
Tentative total: 34
Monday, June 9, 2008
Better weekend than usual
At this point, I need to celebrate small victories.
A usual weekend would be eating out twice for breakfast probably, then probably 3 times for lunch/dinner meals. This weekend I had one breakfast out & two other meals out. This is progress.
I also spent a good deal of time outdoors on Sunday (and have the sunburn to prove it!).
I bought new workout pants & new tennis shoes for the gym. Today I go. My goal is simply 20 minutes on the elliptical. Gotta start somewhere.
I am going to try very VERY hard this week to face my WW meeting on Tuesday. It's not that this program doesn't work for me, because it does. But I have not been doing my part. I have not even been doing my part 20% of the time. I have not been trying. So while there's no doubt in my mind that other programs work for other people... this works too, if YOU work it. And so it's my responsibility to work it.
Meal plan for today:
(b) Cereal w/skim milk--5
(s1) Granola bar--2
(l) Lean Cuisine meal & salad--10
(s2) FF frozen yogurt--3
(d) Taco salad--5
(s3) orange or banana--2
(s4) brownie or ice cream--5
A usual weekend would be eating out twice for breakfast probably, then probably 3 times for lunch/dinner meals. This weekend I had one breakfast out & two other meals out. This is progress.
I also spent a good deal of time outdoors on Sunday (and have the sunburn to prove it!).
I bought new workout pants & new tennis shoes for the gym. Today I go. My goal is simply 20 minutes on the elliptical. Gotta start somewhere.
I am going to try very VERY hard this week to face my WW meeting on Tuesday. It's not that this program doesn't work for me, because it does. But I have not been doing my part. I have not even been doing my part 20% of the time. I have not been trying. So while there's no doubt in my mind that other programs work for other people... this works too, if YOU work it. And so it's my responsibility to work it.
Meal plan for today:
(b) Cereal w/skim milk--5
(s1) Granola bar--2
(l) Lean Cuisine meal & salad--10
(s2) FF frozen yogurt--3
(d) Taco salad--5
(s3) orange or banana--2
(s4) brownie or ice cream--5
Friday, June 6, 2008
Help.
I don't know what to do. I don't know why sometimes this just clicks & it's easy as can be, and other times it just doesn't. Why sometimes my heart & head say "get it together" but my body doesn't listen & goes through the motion of old habits. I don't know what to do anymore. If I keep doing what I'm doing, I WILL gain all my weight back.
It's probably not the right answer, but I thought about cancelling my WW subscription. Let's face it, I haven't been using it. But then in the back of my mind, I think about how one of my 2008 goals was to celebrate my WW anniversary in August. Which is only 2 months away. But what good is an anniversary if you're not working the program. And what good is an anniversary if you have gained back half of what you've lost.
I have become a person that lets one thing get me off course. Monday I was supposed to go to the gym w/my friend. She couldn't end up going, but another friend said she'd go with me. Well, at the last minute she backed out... so so did I. I did go grocery shopping, but I shouldn't have gone to the store that I did b/c they didn't have half of the stuff I had on my list. I was PMSing and literally almost cried in the meat aisle because they didn't have ground turkey. They also didn't have a number of other items that I wanted. So I got an effing pizza & some ice cream & called it a day. I stayed home sick on Tuesday, so I didn't go to my WW meeting. I just let these outside forces take over and control me.
I don't know what to do or how to fix myself at this point. I want to be back in the healthy mindset, but I'm just not there right now.
Tell me what to do, cuz I don't know.
It's probably not the right answer, but I thought about cancelling my WW subscription. Let's face it, I haven't been using it. But then in the back of my mind, I think about how one of my 2008 goals was to celebrate my WW anniversary in August. Which is only 2 months away. But what good is an anniversary if you're not working the program. And what good is an anniversary if you have gained back half of what you've lost.
I have become a person that lets one thing get me off course. Monday I was supposed to go to the gym w/my friend. She couldn't end up going, but another friend said she'd go with me. Well, at the last minute she backed out... so so did I. I did go grocery shopping, but I shouldn't have gone to the store that I did b/c they didn't have half of the stuff I had on my list. I was PMSing and literally almost cried in the meat aisle because they didn't have ground turkey. They also didn't have a number of other items that I wanted. So I got an effing pizza & some ice cream & called it a day. I stayed home sick on Tuesday, so I didn't go to my WW meeting. I just let these outside forces take over and control me.
I don't know what to do or how to fix myself at this point. I want to be back in the healthy mindset, but I'm just not there right now.
Tell me what to do, cuz I don't know.
Friday, May 30, 2008
The Action Plan
As I was reading some posts in my google reader the other day, I came across justoofat's entry about how it's time for her to either quit or start over. I think probably the majority of the people I read on here have reached that point. Some of you haven't, and I think that's marvelous that you've been able to stick with things through thick and thin(ner). Many of us though, we have struggles with sticking to it.
Sometimes I think "Why bother?" or "It's just not worth it, this is too hard and too much work" or "even if I lost 100 pounds, I would still be obese, what's the use?". And those kinds of thoughts can make you sink lower and lower until you just don't really care at all anymore how you're doing. I haven't cared for months, really. Sure, I've had a few weeks of doing well and losing weight again, but I've definately had WAY more time this year on the flip side. So, I've decided to develop an action plan.
1. Go grocery shopping this weekend. Stock up on fresh fruits & veggies, and plan 3 meals for the week before grocery shopping so that I can be sure I have all the items I need. That way, I can't say "oh, I can't make dinner tonight, I forgot to get the _____".
2. Return to my weight watchers meetings on Tuesday night. I haven't been in 3 weeks. I know it's gonna be ugly, but I have to go. Plus, I'm still paying for it!
3. Start a gym regimen on Monday. My friend is joining with me, and we used to be really, really good about going 4-5 days a week after work. We'd meet there, run on the elliptical for awhile, then do strength machines together. We were really diligent about going, and I really didn't mind it. I can't remember why, but I know she stopped going after awhile, and I quickly followed. I have been up and down with my gym usage since then, but it was that summer that I was really committed. I went out last night and bought a new iPod shuffle--one of the clip ones. I think it's a good incentive to get back there. I like that it clips, because it's always been cumbersome to have a non-clipping mp3 player. I wouldn't have dared purchase an armband thing for my old mp3 player... I'd be worried it wouldn't fit my massive, expanding arm. So, the clip is really great. Plus it's a lovely shade of green, which I adore (although pink would have been nice to have as an option, Apple!).
4. Take swimsuit progress picture. I haven't taken any progress pictures since, oh.... February. And I went on the dreaded swimsuit shopping trip yesterday. Well, as much as you can call walmart a shopping trip. They had a surprising amount of really cute, fun, patterned swimsuits. Tankinis have always been my favorite... I like being able to mix tops & bottoms & get something that looks really cute. However... while walmart had a surprisingly vast selection of tops & bottoms... ALL their tops were halters with shoelace-thin strings to tie my D-cup breasts back with. Yeah, NOT happening. Not to mention, the back of the halter (you know, the part that goes around your midsection?) was SUPER low cut, so my back fat was out there for the world to see... I know I've seen some women that don't seem to mind the public back fat, but I am not one of them. So, I resolved to getting a 1-piece for the first time in like 10 years. I wasn't super happy with that, but I needed a suit, so what's a girl to do? It's still cute, and I think it's flattering. It's also a halter (what is WITH the halters this year?) but it's got a much thicker tie that seems to hold the girls in nicely. It's black, and has the little skirt on the bottom. I have mixed feelings about skirt-suits, but this one works out well. So, like I said, I am going to take a swimsuit progress picture. I think on my WW anniversary, I shall compare. That will be 3 months' progress.
5. Eat out only one time this week. This means ice cream too. If I eat dinner out, then no ice cream out... if I eat ice cream out, then no dinner out. Must be reasonable!
Who else wants to formulate their 5-step action plan? It's only 5 steps, whatever yours are, let's do it together!
Sometimes I think "Why bother?" or "It's just not worth it, this is too hard and too much work" or "even if I lost 100 pounds, I would still be obese, what's the use?". And those kinds of thoughts can make you sink lower and lower until you just don't really care at all anymore how you're doing. I haven't cared for months, really. Sure, I've had a few weeks of doing well and losing weight again, but I've definately had WAY more time this year on the flip side. So, I've decided to develop an action plan.
1. Go grocery shopping this weekend. Stock up on fresh fruits & veggies, and plan 3 meals for the week before grocery shopping so that I can be sure I have all the items I need. That way, I can't say "oh, I can't make dinner tonight, I forgot to get the _____".
2. Return to my weight watchers meetings on Tuesday night. I haven't been in 3 weeks. I know it's gonna be ugly, but I have to go. Plus, I'm still paying for it!
3. Start a gym regimen on Monday. My friend is joining with me, and we used to be really, really good about going 4-5 days a week after work. We'd meet there, run on the elliptical for awhile, then do strength machines together. We were really diligent about going, and I really didn't mind it. I can't remember why, but I know she stopped going after awhile, and I quickly followed. I have been up and down with my gym usage since then, but it was that summer that I was really committed. I went out last night and bought a new iPod shuffle--one of the clip ones. I think it's a good incentive to get back there. I like that it clips, because it's always been cumbersome to have a non-clipping mp3 player. I wouldn't have dared purchase an armband thing for my old mp3 player... I'd be worried it wouldn't fit my massive, expanding arm. So, the clip is really great. Plus it's a lovely shade of green, which I adore (although pink would have been nice to have as an option, Apple!).
4. Take swimsuit progress picture. I haven't taken any progress pictures since, oh.... February. And I went on the dreaded swimsuit shopping trip yesterday. Well, as much as you can call walmart a shopping trip. They had a surprising amount of really cute, fun, patterned swimsuits. Tankinis have always been my favorite... I like being able to mix tops & bottoms & get something that looks really cute. However... while walmart had a surprisingly vast selection of tops & bottoms... ALL their tops were halters with shoelace-thin strings to tie my D-cup breasts back with. Yeah, NOT happening. Not to mention, the back of the halter (you know, the part that goes around your midsection?) was SUPER low cut, so my back fat was out there for the world to see... I know I've seen some women that don't seem to mind the public back fat, but I am not one of them. So, I resolved to getting a 1-piece for the first time in like 10 years. I wasn't super happy with that, but I needed a suit, so what's a girl to do? It's still cute, and I think it's flattering. It's also a halter (what is WITH the halters this year?) but it's got a much thicker tie that seems to hold the girls in nicely. It's black, and has the little skirt on the bottom. I have mixed feelings about skirt-suits, but this one works out well. So, like I said, I am going to take a swimsuit progress picture. I think on my WW anniversary, I shall compare. That will be 3 months' progress.
5. Eat out only one time this week. This means ice cream too. If I eat dinner out, then no ice cream out... if I eat ice cream out, then no dinner out. Must be reasonable!
Who else wants to formulate their 5-step action plan? It's only 5 steps, whatever yours are, let's do it together!
Friday, May 23, 2008
Yikes.
I wonder if there's a world record for amount of weight gained in shortest amount of time.
In about 12 days, I have gone up 15 pounds on the scale.
What.the.hell.
I mean, I'm not surprised that I'm up, I take responsibility that I have been eating horribly, and exercising not at all. While my friends were here, EVERY SINGLE MEAL was a meal out. This just goes to show you how easily it is to slip and fall and totally keep on falling... 15 pounds?!!?
I need a life coach or something. Someone to take on all the crappy things in my life, someone to tell me what to eat, when to eat it, force me to get exercise. I've just become so apathetic.
And to be honest, some of the comments that people leave aren't anything I don't all ready know. Maybe I'm the only one that feels this way, but sometimes I wish people would just say "I'm sorry you've been having a rough time, I hope it gets better soon" instead of being preachy. I'm probably just being sensitive & people aren't REALLY being preachy, but that's what it feels like sometimes. Yeah, I know the formula for weight loss... I know this isn't it... and I know I'm not going to see positive results this way... others telling me that doesn't make it any more clear than it all ready is. I guess maybe misery loves company, you know? Hearing about other people that are struggling is comforting almost. Not that I want others to do badly, but at least then I don't feel like the ONLY one that's a great big failure. Again.
I have become one of those "After such and such, I'll be back on track..." and then I never do. Next thing I know, I'll probably be back up over 300 again. Sure would be nice if life was easier.
In about 12 days, I have gone up 15 pounds on the scale.
What.the.hell.
I mean, I'm not surprised that I'm up, I take responsibility that I have been eating horribly, and exercising not at all. While my friends were here, EVERY SINGLE MEAL was a meal out. This just goes to show you how easily it is to slip and fall and totally keep on falling... 15 pounds?!!?
I need a life coach or something. Someone to take on all the crappy things in my life, someone to tell me what to eat, when to eat it, force me to get exercise. I've just become so apathetic.
And to be honest, some of the comments that people leave aren't anything I don't all ready know. Maybe I'm the only one that feels this way, but sometimes I wish people would just say "I'm sorry you've been having a rough time, I hope it gets better soon" instead of being preachy. I'm probably just being sensitive & people aren't REALLY being preachy, but that's what it feels like sometimes. Yeah, I know the formula for weight loss... I know this isn't it... and I know I'm not going to see positive results this way... others telling me that doesn't make it any more clear than it all ready is. I guess maybe misery loves company, you know? Hearing about other people that are struggling is comforting almost. Not that I want others to do badly, but at least then I don't feel like the ONLY one that's a great big failure. Again.
I have become one of those "After such and such, I'll be back on track..." and then I never do. Next thing I know, I'll probably be back up over 300 again. Sure would be nice if life was easier.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Bike Help
I want to buy a bike, but I don't know what I'm looking for. I know some of you have bikes, so can you give me your reccomendations? I obviously need something that's built for a heavier frame, but I don't want to go to a bike store and say "Hey, I'm fat, give me a bike whose tires I wont' flatten in 3 uses". Also, what should I expect to pay? I figure with gas currently at $4.09 in my town, buying a bike would pay for itself pretty quickly... Help!
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Fat Slob
Well, as predicted, while my Canadian friends were here, we ate like it was our last meal... every single time. It's certainly strange (and an indication of what kind of country we are in the US) that the thing that you show your foreign guests is the vast amount of food choices we have here. Literally every single meal was a meal out. They commented that there aren't near the places to eat out in Canada that there are here. Perhaps that's because we're a fat nation.
After 5 days of eating out, they said they felt miserable, tired, and FAT. And, so do I.
I "allowed" myself this week off-plan with the committment to renew my attendance at going to the gym. My plan tonight is to go home & change right after work and head to the gym for a bike ride. My MP3 player is dead, so I will have no music to accompany me, but I'm able to read a book on the bike. I can't read on any other machines though, so it works out.
I don't even want to know what that scale says after a week eating nothing but junk. I guarantee you it's at least a 5 pound gain, and probably 80% of that gain is simply because of the sodium in all the take out we got.
I need to get some groceries, my fridge is pretty much empty. I have some stuff for a few meals, but I'm such a snacker & need some healthy snacks. Maybe after the gym.
After 5 days of eating out, they said they felt miserable, tired, and FAT. And, so do I.
I "allowed" myself this week off-plan with the committment to renew my attendance at going to the gym. My plan tonight is to go home & change right after work and head to the gym for a bike ride. My MP3 player is dead, so I will have no music to accompany me, but I'm able to read a book on the bike. I can't read on any other machines though, so it works out.
I don't even want to know what that scale says after a week eating nothing but junk. I guarantee you it's at least a 5 pound gain, and probably 80% of that gain is simply because of the sodium in all the take out we got.
I need to get some groceries, my fridge is pretty much empty. I have some stuff for a few meals, but I'm such a snacker & need some healthy snacks. Maybe after the gym.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
HYC Check In
Well, it's Tuesday, which means time to check in for the challenge. I weighed in at Friday morning's meeting & was down 1.4 more, which is good. I am making progress towards making up what I had gained. Now I am only 5.8 up from my lowest instead of 14 up!
Unfortunately this weekend I went a little crazy eating out. And when that happens, I have a hard time being good again on Monday. I'm sure I'm not alone here! Part of my problem is probably that I need to go grocery shopping, then that way there will be healthy things in my house & I won't be tempted to go out and get something. Oh well, it's a journey!
I have a friend coming to visit for a week. She and her friend are driving down from Canada & they'll be here tomorrow! She and I met online when we were 16, and we are finally getting the opportunity to meet! It's been a long time coming! Her visit will also equal a lot of eating out, for sure. I don't know that I'll make the healthiest choices while she is here, but I'd like to publicly make a committment--no matter how good or bad I do this week, once my friend goes home, I am going to start going to the gym again. My goal will be three times per week. So, starting next week, exercise is going to be my new best friend. I'm sure we will have a love/hate relationship.
I won't be able to go to my Friday morning meeting this week b/c I will be in Chicago. Maybe there is a morning meeting tomorrow that I can go to before my friend gets here. I'm afraid it may show a gain after my weekend recklessness, but, so goes life. You give half-assed effort sometimes & you'll get half-assed results.
I hope everyone has an enjoyable week!
Unfortunately this weekend I went a little crazy eating out. And when that happens, I have a hard time being good again on Monday. I'm sure I'm not alone here! Part of my problem is probably that I need to go grocery shopping, then that way there will be healthy things in my house & I won't be tempted to go out and get something. Oh well, it's a journey!
I have a friend coming to visit for a week. She and her friend are driving down from Canada & they'll be here tomorrow! She and I met online when we were 16, and we are finally getting the opportunity to meet! It's been a long time coming! Her visit will also equal a lot of eating out, for sure. I don't know that I'll make the healthiest choices while she is here, but I'd like to publicly make a committment--no matter how good or bad I do this week, once my friend goes home, I am going to start going to the gym again. My goal will be three times per week. So, starting next week, exercise is going to be my new best friend. I'm sure we will have a love/hate relationship.
I won't be able to go to my Friday morning meeting this week b/c I will be in Chicago. Maybe there is a morning meeting tomorrow that I can go to before my friend gets here. I'm afraid it may show a gain after my weekend recklessness, but, so goes life. You give half-assed effort sometimes & you'll get half-assed results.
I hope everyone has an enjoyable week!
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Perseverance
per·se·ver·ance
–noun
1. steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., esp. in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.
I have always known that when I reach my 75 pound goal, I will get another tattoo. That's been my reward for about 9 months now, and I have been looking forward to it. (A little fun fact about me--I have 5 tattoos, none of which you would know I have unless wearing capris or a tank top). I set that as my reward back in August, yet I didn't know what I would get. All I knew was that I wanted it to be a word that represented my weight loss journey. The word perseverance always came to mind when thinking of what word could encapsulate my hard work. I have since decided on a different word & have designed my future tattoo, but it will remain a secret until I meet my 75 pound goal. It is not this word, however. But I wanted to talk about this word.
What keeps us going? When we fall down flat on our faces, whatever our program may be, what is it that makes some of us shake ourselves off & get back up, and makes some of us feel dejected, like we'll never be able to do this?
I've been both of those people. I've had my moments where I wanted to stay flat on my face and kick and scream and cry and say "I don't wanna!". It's hard work to stick with something like this. And it's not fun sometimes. There are days when I want to say, "Screw you healthy food, I'm getting a pizza. And ice cream." And sometimes I do get pizza. And ice cream. Like yesterday. But then there are times when I say "You know what, Teale. It's your decision to be unhealthy, just like it's your decision to be healthy. And nothing worth having in this world comes easy, so get off your shrinking butt and get your chin up, we've got some work to do."
In my real life, I am a generally upbeat person. Sometimes I'll mope around in my blog & write about stuff that gets me down, but I usually put on a pretty good front. I am notorious for pushing others away when I'm having personal life struggles. I want to be the strong one. It's because I've always had to be. I can't say where all my personality traits came from or began, but I can absolutely tell you where this one comes from. When I was 16, my dad passed away suddenly. My mom was obviously devastated, as was I, but because she was falling to pieces, someone had to stay strong. And that person was me. When I would go out and get our groceries or run our errands, people would always ask, "How's your mom doing?" but never EVER would they ask, "How are you doing?" Since noone asked, I learned to keep how I was feeling bottled inside. And to this day, I still do it.
But Thursday I was really having a hard day. I was off work, and just feeling really miserable about a lot of things in my life. The main thing is my extreme unhappiness with my job. Extreme. That is sort of at the root of things, and it makes me not want to make my effort where Weight Watchers is concerned. I stayed home all day on Thursday, in my pajamas. I didn't want to do a single thing but mope. I ate like crap, more or less, and you know what, momentarily, it DID make me feel better. But after I ate that pizza, I still felt just as shitty, if not more, than I did before eating it. It was just one of those days where I felt like throwing in the towel.
But I'm not. I will persevere.
Only I have the power to make me into the person I want to become. Outside forces, no matter how powerful they seem at the time, are not responsible for me going off plan. I am responsible for that. And there are still going to be days when I want to quit, and there are still going to be days, I'm sure, where I eat something I shouldn't, in quantities I shouldn't... but the more important part is what I do after I make that bad decision. It's whether I decide to be the person that stays on the ground after I've fallen, or the person that stands up, dusts herself off, and keeps on trying.
Persevere.
–noun
1. steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., esp. in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.
I have always known that when I reach my 75 pound goal, I will get another tattoo. That's been my reward for about 9 months now, and I have been looking forward to it. (A little fun fact about me--I have 5 tattoos, none of which you would know I have unless wearing capris or a tank top). I set that as my reward back in August, yet I didn't know what I would get. All I knew was that I wanted it to be a word that represented my weight loss journey. The word perseverance always came to mind when thinking of what word could encapsulate my hard work. I have since decided on a different word & have designed my future tattoo, but it will remain a secret until I meet my 75 pound goal. It is not this word, however. But I wanted to talk about this word.
What keeps us going? When we fall down flat on our faces, whatever our program may be, what is it that makes some of us shake ourselves off & get back up, and makes some of us feel dejected, like we'll never be able to do this?
I've been both of those people. I've had my moments where I wanted to stay flat on my face and kick and scream and cry and say "I don't wanna!". It's hard work to stick with something like this. And it's not fun sometimes. There are days when I want to say, "Screw you healthy food, I'm getting a pizza. And ice cream." And sometimes I do get pizza. And ice cream. Like yesterday. But then there are times when I say "You know what, Teale. It's your decision to be unhealthy, just like it's your decision to be healthy. And nothing worth having in this world comes easy, so get off your shrinking butt and get your chin up, we've got some work to do."
In my real life, I am a generally upbeat person. Sometimes I'll mope around in my blog & write about stuff that gets me down, but I usually put on a pretty good front. I am notorious for pushing others away when I'm having personal life struggles. I want to be the strong one. It's because I've always had to be. I can't say where all my personality traits came from or began, but I can absolutely tell you where this one comes from. When I was 16, my dad passed away suddenly. My mom was obviously devastated, as was I, but because she was falling to pieces, someone had to stay strong. And that person was me. When I would go out and get our groceries or run our errands, people would always ask, "How's your mom doing?" but never EVER would they ask, "How are you doing?" Since noone asked, I learned to keep how I was feeling bottled inside. And to this day, I still do it.
But Thursday I was really having a hard day. I was off work, and just feeling really miserable about a lot of things in my life. The main thing is my extreme unhappiness with my job. Extreme. That is sort of at the root of things, and it makes me not want to make my effort where Weight Watchers is concerned. I stayed home all day on Thursday, in my pajamas. I didn't want to do a single thing but mope. I ate like crap, more or less, and you know what, momentarily, it DID make me feel better. But after I ate that pizza, I still felt just as shitty, if not more, than I did before eating it. It was just one of those days where I felt like throwing in the towel.
But I'm not. I will persevere.
Only I have the power to make me into the person I want to become. Outside forces, no matter how powerful they seem at the time, are not responsible for me going off plan. I am responsible for that. And there are still going to be days when I want to quit, and there are still going to be days, I'm sure, where I eat something I shouldn't, in quantities I shouldn't... but the more important part is what I do after I make that bad decision. It's whether I decide to be the person that stays on the ground after I've fallen, or the person that stands up, dusts herself off, and keeps on trying.
Persevere.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Struggles
I was watching TV tonight at about 7pm, after dinner. They were eating pizza.
And since then, ALL I can think about is ordering a pizza.
Now, having pizza for dinner in itself would be bad enough for me, because I know I would overeat... but I have ALREADY had dinner, so ordering pizza would be ridiculous.
But it's all I've been thinking about.
I had a 1pt WW cookie. I drank water. I still want the pizza.
Why do I want the stupid pizza? I want to lose weight. But right now, I want to taste the pizza more.
So I asked myself, what is it about the pizza that makes you want it so badly... and it's honestly just how happy tasting something good would make me. Today was a bad day. I hate my job with so much passion it's unbelievable. Today was just one more of those awful days at that hellhole. Eating some tasty pizza would make me forget about how much I hate my job. Eating some pizza would make me forget the misery. Momentarily.
Eating pizza would also bloat me like no other. It would put me over my points for the day. Then there would be leftovers and I would be tempted by them tomorrow.
I'm almost in tears here. WHY am I like this? Normal people are NOT obsessive like this about stuffing their feelings with food.
I've tried doing other things tonight. I have watched TV, I've read my book, I've played games on the computer, I've BLOGGED. But still, there's this whisper in my ear... orderpizzaorderpizzaorderpizza.
I know what I should do, but I don't know what I will do.
And since then, ALL I can think about is ordering a pizza.
Now, having pizza for dinner in itself would be bad enough for me, because I know I would overeat... but I have ALREADY had dinner, so ordering pizza would be ridiculous.
But it's all I've been thinking about.
I had a 1pt WW cookie. I drank water. I still want the pizza.
Why do I want the stupid pizza? I want to lose weight. But right now, I want to taste the pizza more.
So I asked myself, what is it about the pizza that makes you want it so badly... and it's honestly just how happy tasting something good would make me. Today was a bad day. I hate my job with so much passion it's unbelievable. Today was just one more of those awful days at that hellhole. Eating some tasty pizza would make me forget about how much I hate my job. Eating some pizza would make me forget the misery. Momentarily.
Eating pizza would also bloat me like no other. It would put me over my points for the day. Then there would be leftovers and I would be tempted by them tomorrow.
I'm almost in tears here. WHY am I like this? Normal people are NOT obsessive like this about stuffing their feelings with food.
I've tried doing other things tonight. I have watched TV, I've read my book, I've played games on the computer, I've BLOGGED. But still, there's this whisper in my ear... orderpizzaorderpizzaorderpizza.
I know what I should do, but I don't know what I will do.
Blog Buddies
Hello friends! I am trying to get into the swing of reading/commenting more often again. I have a whole list of blogs on my google reader, but I know some people have gone MIA, while others write 3 times a day! I have read the most recent couple of posts for everyone, and I've marked the rest as read, just so that I can catch up.
What I'd like to do is get some new, updated bloggers on there... so what I'd like you to do is reccomend to me 3 favorite blogs that you read. Tell me why you read them (inspirational, entertaining, etc), and don't forget to give me the link or url address to their blogs so I can stop by and read them & add them to my google reader! I realize that you don't know what blogs I read all ready, so I may get some reccomendations that I all ready have bookmarked. That's OK! And if you want to reccomend more than 3, have at it!!!
Let me have it:)
What I'd like to do is get some new, updated bloggers on there... so what I'd like you to do is reccomend to me 3 favorite blogs that you read. Tell me why you read them (inspirational, entertaining, etc), and don't forget to give me the link or url address to their blogs so I can stop by and read them & add them to my google reader! I realize that you don't know what blogs I read all ready, so I may get some reccomendations that I all ready have bookmarked. That's OK! And if you want to reccomend more than 3, have at it!!!
Let me have it:)
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
HYC Challenge Check-In
I can't remember the last time I posted a check-in for HYC that was actually GOOD! Here's my week in a nutshell...
Last Tuesday I finally got my head on straight. I got groceries, including LOTS of produce (that I have since eaten almost ALL of... none has gone to waste!), planned out what I could eat during the week, and I was ready to shine! I had 3 days of eating totally OP and went to WW on Friday morning. I was down an astonishing 6.6 pounds on the scale! Wahooo!!! I was even deemed that meeting's Biggest Loser and got to take home this big flower smily face to keep me on track all week! 
My weekend started off pretty good. I made good decisions at dinner & at the movies. Things went a bit downhill Saturday, but still not unsalvagable, I don't think. I had leftover spinach quiche for breakfast (8 points), had McDonald's as my only option for lunch, but got a plain McChicken (8 points), then had a wedding reception to go to where I made relatively good choices totalling 10 points. So, that left me with 10 daily points and my 35 weekly points... and there was an open bar.... I would imagine that I drank about that, too. I did NOT however, have any cake! We also got White Castle for the drunken ride back to our hotel... I'd never had it before, but let me tell you, I want more. I don't even know the points on those little suckers. But I ate 2. But, that was just one day, and Sunday I did better. I didn't eat much all day b/c we were on the road, then dinner was at Red Lobster for my mom's birthday. I could have made a better decision, but the fact was that it was dinner time & I'd used 4 of my daily points, so I got what I wanted.
But, the weekend is over, and now I'm back to focused eating & logging everything that goes in my mouth! I am GOING to exercise today. Period. I took the stairs down 16 flights of stairs today all ready... that's something. Yes, going up them would be more of a workout, but I don't really want to be sweaty at work! Tonight I'm making porcupine meatballs (ground turkey meatballs w/rice in them, covered w/FF cream of mushroom soup). I think Instead of the rice though, I may use some spinach & onion that I have in my veggie drawer that I don't want to go to waste. That would lower the points AND I'd get use of my veggies. That may just be a plan!
I am going to continue to go to Friday morning WW meetings (as long as I continue to have Friday mornings off). I was feeling a little burnt out on my leader. She's really upbeat & nice, but I've come to realize she's really spacy & ditzy, and it's started to get on my nerves. The Friday lady is a little different. She's quieter, but she's very encouraging, and I think maybe even just a few weeks away from my other woman might be enough to get me back to Tuesdays eventually. I miss the Tuesday crowd, but I need a break! So, fingers crossed that Friday morning brings good results!!!
Saturday, May 3, 2008
Fantastic.
After 3 good days on plan, I went to my WW meeting to see if it made any difference after weeks of NOT being on plan. I had been eating out a lot before & not drinking much water, so I did anticipate a bit of water weight loss. I also was weighing in in the morning vs. in the evening when I usually do.
But let me tell you how much it motivated me to see the scale down 6.6 pounds!
That was definately what I needed. I feel less forlorn about the fact that I was up 13.8 pounds from my lowest... I just cut that in half!
Last night I faced some challenges, but I think I handled them very well. I went to dinner at my favorite mexican restaurant with a friend. I had only a few chips with salsa, instead of half the basket. I had iced tea instead of a margarita. And I had a shrimp fajita quesadilla instead of cheesy chicken enchiladas w/rice & beans. And I didn't eat it all. I used maybe 1 tsp of guac & sour cream instead of the 1/4 c. they give you of each. I did good.
Then was the movies. Movie popcorn is something I absolutely LOVE. Something I will NOT give up, but will have only in small amounts now. Instead of getting the extra large tub with tons of butter, I got the small. Instead of getting a box of snowcaps & eating them, I brought a 100 cal pack of the oreo candy bites with me. Instead of a huge full-sugar & calorie pop, I got a small diet. I did good again!
I think I am finally back in the game!
I think that a lot of the friends that used to read me have maybe stopped. That's to be expected when I disappear for some time, but hopefully that encouragement will return, because it certainly is helpful!
But let me tell you how much it motivated me to see the scale down 6.6 pounds!
That was definately what I needed. I feel less forlorn about the fact that I was up 13.8 pounds from my lowest... I just cut that in half!
Last night I faced some challenges, but I think I handled them very well. I went to dinner at my favorite mexican restaurant with a friend. I had only a few chips with salsa, instead of half the basket. I had iced tea instead of a margarita. And I had a shrimp fajita quesadilla instead of cheesy chicken enchiladas w/rice & beans. And I didn't eat it all. I used maybe 1 tsp of guac & sour cream instead of the 1/4 c. they give you of each. I did good.
Then was the movies. Movie popcorn is something I absolutely LOVE. Something I will NOT give up, but will have only in small amounts now. Instead of getting the extra large tub with tons of butter, I got the small. Instead of getting a box of snowcaps & eating them, I brought a 100 cal pack of the oreo candy bites with me. Instead of a huge full-sugar & calorie pop, I got a small diet. I did good again!
I think I am finally back in the game!
I think that a lot of the friends that used to read me have maybe stopped. That's to be expected when I disappear for some time, but hopefully that encouragement will return, because it certainly is helpful!
Friday, May 2, 2008
Breakfast Quiche
Today is my day off, so I was able to cook some tasty breakfast! I have a recipe on here I think for a ham & cheese "quiche". You use bisquick, egg beaters, diced ham, cheese, etc. I don't remember the quantities of each, but I wanted to try something similar using veggies. So, I improvised. I still had some bisquick, but I didn't have any egg beaters. I did have whole eggs though, so I decided to use those. It bumps up the points a little, but using veggies in the quiche doesn't take any points, so really it's not so bad. So, here is what I did!
Spinach/Onion Breakfast "Quiche"
4 servings/4 points
3 medium eggs (6 points)
1/2 c. bisquick (5 points)
1/2 c. 2% shredded cheese (4 points)
1/4 c. diced onion (0 points)
1/2 c. torn spinach (0 points)
(next time I would add some garlic, salt, and pepper, but I forgot! I just added some garlic salt & ground pepper on top & it was perfect)
I mixed the bisquick, water, and eggs until they were smooth, then added the remaining ingredients.
Pour the mixture into a VERY WELL sprayed round pie plate or casserole dish. You gotta spray it well or it will stick!
Cook in a 350 degree oven for 20 minutes. You'll see the edges getting a golden brown color, and if you stick a knife in the middle, it should come out pretty clean!
This is DELICIOUS! And I know from having made the ham & cheese one before, that it's even better the next day warmed up in the microwave!
Take a look at this beauty. It was almost too pretty to eat. Almost.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Day Two
First of all, I resisted the Panera. They took it over to the other breakroom, but they did tell me it was there. I had to go to that breakroom to get my lunch, and I saw them on the table. I peeked in the box, then I closed it & walked away! Wahoo, NSV!
Today has been another good day food-wise.
Breakfast: cereal w/milk
Snack:Granola Bar
Lunch: Banana, salad w/feta, croutons, tomatoes, and light 3 cheese ranch dressing, 100 cal pack
Snack: mini rice cakes
Dinner: tomatoes w/feta & olive oil, broccoli, grilled ham & cheese, and baked bbq lays
I still have 10 points left for the evening. I will probably have some cheese & crackers later this evening before bed.
Last night I mixed 1 spoon of peanut butter w/some banana cream pie yogurt for a tasty pb-banana concoction. Would make a good fruit dip.
I weigh in tomorrow at WW. Tuesday is usually my weigh in day, but after the horrible time I'd been doing, I just couldn't face it. So, Wednesday & Thursday were good, OP days. While they won't erase the bad ones that I had before it, I'm hoping that they at least allow me to maintain. I can't handle ANOTHER gain. This will also be a morning WI, and usually I do evening ones... so, maybe that will help.
I will be using all my flex on Saturday... Eddie and I have a wedding to go to... with an open bar. My plan is to stay away from the fruity, sweet mixed drinks. And the wine, because it gives me a headache. Light beer & diet pop w/liquor will be my drinks for the evening. Must remember to make smart food decisions after drinking.
Today has been another good day food-wise.
Breakfast: cereal w/milk
Snack:Granola Bar
Lunch: Banana, salad w/feta, croutons, tomatoes, and light 3 cheese ranch dressing, 100 cal pack
Snack: mini rice cakes
Dinner: tomatoes w/feta & olive oil, broccoli, grilled ham & cheese, and baked bbq lays
I still have 10 points left for the evening. I will probably have some cheese & crackers later this evening before bed.
Last night I mixed 1 spoon of peanut butter w/some banana cream pie yogurt for a tasty pb-banana concoction. Would make a good fruit dip.
I weigh in tomorrow at WW. Tuesday is usually my weigh in day, but after the horrible time I'd been doing, I just couldn't face it. So, Wednesday & Thursday were good, OP days. While they won't erase the bad ones that I had before it, I'm hoping that they at least allow me to maintain. I can't handle ANOTHER gain. This will also be a morning WI, and usually I do evening ones... so, maybe that will help.
I will be using all my flex on Saturday... Eddie and I have a wedding to go to... with an open bar. My plan is to stay away from the fruity, sweet mixed drinks. And the wine, because it gives me a headache. Light beer & diet pop w/liquor will be my drinks for the evening. Must remember to make smart food decisions after drinking.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)