As I was reading some posts in my google reader the other day, I came across justoofat's entry about how it's time for her to either quit or start over. I think probably the majority of the people I read on here have reached that point. Some of you haven't, and I think that's marvelous that you've been able to stick with things through thick and thin(ner). Many of us though, we have struggles with sticking to it.
Sometimes I think "Why bother?" or "It's just not worth it, this is too hard and too much work" or "even if I lost 100 pounds, I would still be obese, what's the use?". And those kinds of thoughts can make you sink lower and lower until you just don't really care at all anymore how you're doing. I haven't cared for months, really. Sure, I've had a few weeks of doing well and losing weight again, but I've definately had WAY more time this year on the flip side. So, I've decided to develop an action plan.
1. Go grocery shopping this weekend. Stock up on fresh fruits & veggies, and plan 3 meals for the week before grocery shopping so that I can be sure I have all the items I need. That way, I can't say "oh, I can't make dinner tonight, I forgot to get the _____".
2. Return to my weight watchers meetings on Tuesday night. I haven't been in 3 weeks. I know it's gonna be ugly, but I have to go. Plus, I'm still paying for it!
3. Start a gym regimen on Monday. My friend is joining with me, and we used to be really, really good about going 4-5 days a week after work. We'd meet there, run on the elliptical for awhile, then do strength machines together. We were really diligent about going, and I really didn't mind it. I can't remember why, but I know she stopped going after awhile, and I quickly followed. I have been up and down with my gym usage since then, but it was that summer that I was really committed. I went out last night and bought a new iPod shuffle--one of the clip ones. I think it's a good incentive to get back there. I like that it clips, because it's always been cumbersome to have a non-clipping mp3 player. I wouldn't have dared purchase an armband thing for my old mp3 player... I'd be worried it wouldn't fit my massive, expanding arm. So, the clip is really great. Plus it's a lovely shade of green, which I adore (although pink would have been nice to have as an option, Apple!).
4. Take swimsuit progress picture. I haven't taken any progress pictures since, oh.... February. And I went on the dreaded swimsuit shopping trip yesterday. Well, as much as you can call walmart a shopping trip. They had a surprising amount of really cute, fun, patterned swimsuits. Tankinis have always been my favorite... I like being able to mix tops & bottoms & get something that looks really cute. However... while walmart had a surprisingly vast selection of tops & bottoms... ALL their tops were halters with shoelace-thin strings to tie my D-cup breasts back with. Yeah, NOT happening. Not to mention, the back of the halter (you know, the part that goes around your midsection?) was SUPER low cut, so my back fat was out there for the world to see... I know I've seen some women that don't seem to mind the public back fat, but I am not one of them. So, I resolved to getting a 1-piece for the first time in like 10 years. I wasn't super happy with that, but I needed a suit, so what's a girl to do? It's still cute, and I think it's flattering. It's also a halter (what is WITH the halters this year?) but it's got a much thicker tie that seems to hold the girls in nicely. It's black, and has the little skirt on the bottom. I have mixed feelings about skirt-suits, but this one works out well. So, like I said, I am going to take a swimsuit progress picture. I think on my WW anniversary, I shall compare. That will be 3 months' progress.
5. Eat out only one time this week. This means ice cream too. If I eat dinner out, then no ice cream out... if I eat ice cream out, then no dinner out. Must be reasonable!
Who else wants to formulate their 5-step action plan? It's only 5 steps, whatever yours are, let's do it together!
Friday, May 30, 2008
Friday, May 23, 2008
Yikes.
I wonder if there's a world record for amount of weight gained in shortest amount of time.
In about 12 days, I have gone up 15 pounds on the scale.
What.the.hell.
I mean, I'm not surprised that I'm up, I take responsibility that I have been eating horribly, and exercising not at all. While my friends were here, EVERY SINGLE MEAL was a meal out. This just goes to show you how easily it is to slip and fall and totally keep on falling... 15 pounds?!!?
I need a life coach or something. Someone to take on all the crappy things in my life, someone to tell me what to eat, when to eat it, force me to get exercise. I've just become so apathetic.
And to be honest, some of the comments that people leave aren't anything I don't all ready know. Maybe I'm the only one that feels this way, but sometimes I wish people would just say "I'm sorry you've been having a rough time, I hope it gets better soon" instead of being preachy. I'm probably just being sensitive & people aren't REALLY being preachy, but that's what it feels like sometimes. Yeah, I know the formula for weight loss... I know this isn't it... and I know I'm not going to see positive results this way... others telling me that doesn't make it any more clear than it all ready is. I guess maybe misery loves company, you know? Hearing about other people that are struggling is comforting almost. Not that I want others to do badly, but at least then I don't feel like the ONLY one that's a great big failure. Again.
I have become one of those "After such and such, I'll be back on track..." and then I never do. Next thing I know, I'll probably be back up over 300 again. Sure would be nice if life was easier.
In about 12 days, I have gone up 15 pounds on the scale.
What.the.hell.
I mean, I'm not surprised that I'm up, I take responsibility that I have been eating horribly, and exercising not at all. While my friends were here, EVERY SINGLE MEAL was a meal out. This just goes to show you how easily it is to slip and fall and totally keep on falling... 15 pounds?!!?
I need a life coach or something. Someone to take on all the crappy things in my life, someone to tell me what to eat, when to eat it, force me to get exercise. I've just become so apathetic.
And to be honest, some of the comments that people leave aren't anything I don't all ready know. Maybe I'm the only one that feels this way, but sometimes I wish people would just say "I'm sorry you've been having a rough time, I hope it gets better soon" instead of being preachy. I'm probably just being sensitive & people aren't REALLY being preachy, but that's what it feels like sometimes. Yeah, I know the formula for weight loss... I know this isn't it... and I know I'm not going to see positive results this way... others telling me that doesn't make it any more clear than it all ready is. I guess maybe misery loves company, you know? Hearing about other people that are struggling is comforting almost. Not that I want others to do badly, but at least then I don't feel like the ONLY one that's a great big failure. Again.
I have become one of those "After such and such, I'll be back on track..." and then I never do. Next thing I know, I'll probably be back up over 300 again. Sure would be nice if life was easier.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Bike Help
I want to buy a bike, but I don't know what I'm looking for. I know some of you have bikes, so can you give me your reccomendations? I obviously need something that's built for a heavier frame, but I don't want to go to a bike store and say "Hey, I'm fat, give me a bike whose tires I wont' flatten in 3 uses". Also, what should I expect to pay? I figure with gas currently at $4.09 in my town, buying a bike would pay for itself pretty quickly... Help!
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Fat Slob
Well, as predicted, while my Canadian friends were here, we ate like it was our last meal... every single time. It's certainly strange (and an indication of what kind of country we are in the US) that the thing that you show your foreign guests is the vast amount of food choices we have here. Literally every single meal was a meal out. They commented that there aren't near the places to eat out in Canada that there are here. Perhaps that's because we're a fat nation.
After 5 days of eating out, they said they felt miserable, tired, and FAT. And, so do I.
I "allowed" myself this week off-plan with the committment to renew my attendance at going to the gym. My plan tonight is to go home & change right after work and head to the gym for a bike ride. My MP3 player is dead, so I will have no music to accompany me, but I'm able to read a book on the bike. I can't read on any other machines though, so it works out.
I don't even want to know what that scale says after a week eating nothing but junk. I guarantee you it's at least a 5 pound gain, and probably 80% of that gain is simply because of the sodium in all the take out we got.
I need to get some groceries, my fridge is pretty much empty. I have some stuff for a few meals, but I'm such a snacker & need some healthy snacks. Maybe after the gym.
After 5 days of eating out, they said they felt miserable, tired, and FAT. And, so do I.
I "allowed" myself this week off-plan with the committment to renew my attendance at going to the gym. My plan tonight is to go home & change right after work and head to the gym for a bike ride. My MP3 player is dead, so I will have no music to accompany me, but I'm able to read a book on the bike. I can't read on any other machines though, so it works out.
I don't even want to know what that scale says after a week eating nothing but junk. I guarantee you it's at least a 5 pound gain, and probably 80% of that gain is simply because of the sodium in all the take out we got.
I need to get some groceries, my fridge is pretty much empty. I have some stuff for a few meals, but I'm such a snacker & need some healthy snacks. Maybe after the gym.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
HYC Check In
Well, it's Tuesday, which means time to check in for the challenge. I weighed in at Friday morning's meeting & was down 1.4 more, which is good. I am making progress towards making up what I had gained. Now I am only 5.8 up from my lowest instead of 14 up!
Unfortunately this weekend I went a little crazy eating out. And when that happens, I have a hard time being good again on Monday. I'm sure I'm not alone here! Part of my problem is probably that I need to go grocery shopping, then that way there will be healthy things in my house & I won't be tempted to go out and get something. Oh well, it's a journey!
I have a friend coming to visit for a week. She and her friend are driving down from Canada & they'll be here tomorrow! She and I met online when we were 16, and we are finally getting the opportunity to meet! It's been a long time coming! Her visit will also equal a lot of eating out, for sure. I don't know that I'll make the healthiest choices while she is here, but I'd like to publicly make a committment--no matter how good or bad I do this week, once my friend goes home, I am going to start going to the gym again. My goal will be three times per week. So, starting next week, exercise is going to be my new best friend. I'm sure we will have a love/hate relationship.
I won't be able to go to my Friday morning meeting this week b/c I will be in Chicago. Maybe there is a morning meeting tomorrow that I can go to before my friend gets here. I'm afraid it may show a gain after my weekend recklessness, but, so goes life. You give half-assed effort sometimes & you'll get half-assed results.
I hope everyone has an enjoyable week!
Unfortunately this weekend I went a little crazy eating out. And when that happens, I have a hard time being good again on Monday. I'm sure I'm not alone here! Part of my problem is probably that I need to go grocery shopping, then that way there will be healthy things in my house & I won't be tempted to go out and get something. Oh well, it's a journey!
I have a friend coming to visit for a week. She and her friend are driving down from Canada & they'll be here tomorrow! She and I met online when we were 16, and we are finally getting the opportunity to meet! It's been a long time coming! Her visit will also equal a lot of eating out, for sure. I don't know that I'll make the healthiest choices while she is here, but I'd like to publicly make a committment--no matter how good or bad I do this week, once my friend goes home, I am going to start going to the gym again. My goal will be three times per week. So, starting next week, exercise is going to be my new best friend. I'm sure we will have a love/hate relationship.
I won't be able to go to my Friday morning meeting this week b/c I will be in Chicago. Maybe there is a morning meeting tomorrow that I can go to before my friend gets here. I'm afraid it may show a gain after my weekend recklessness, but, so goes life. You give half-assed effort sometimes & you'll get half-assed results.
I hope everyone has an enjoyable week!
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Perseverance
per·se·ver·ance
–noun
1. steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., esp. in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.
I have always known that when I reach my 75 pound goal, I will get another tattoo. That's been my reward for about 9 months now, and I have been looking forward to it. (A little fun fact about me--I have 5 tattoos, none of which you would know I have unless wearing capris or a tank top). I set that as my reward back in August, yet I didn't know what I would get. All I knew was that I wanted it to be a word that represented my weight loss journey. The word perseverance always came to mind when thinking of what word could encapsulate my hard work. I have since decided on a different word & have designed my future tattoo, but it will remain a secret until I meet my 75 pound goal. It is not this word, however. But I wanted to talk about this word.
What keeps us going? When we fall down flat on our faces, whatever our program may be, what is it that makes some of us shake ourselves off & get back up, and makes some of us feel dejected, like we'll never be able to do this?
I've been both of those people. I've had my moments where I wanted to stay flat on my face and kick and scream and cry and say "I don't wanna!". It's hard work to stick with something like this. And it's not fun sometimes. There are days when I want to say, "Screw you healthy food, I'm getting a pizza. And ice cream." And sometimes I do get pizza. And ice cream. Like yesterday. But then there are times when I say "You know what, Teale. It's your decision to be unhealthy, just like it's your decision to be healthy. And nothing worth having in this world comes easy, so get off your shrinking butt and get your chin up, we've got some work to do."
In my real life, I am a generally upbeat person. Sometimes I'll mope around in my blog & write about stuff that gets me down, but I usually put on a pretty good front. I am notorious for pushing others away when I'm having personal life struggles. I want to be the strong one. It's because I've always had to be. I can't say where all my personality traits came from or began, but I can absolutely tell you where this one comes from. When I was 16, my dad passed away suddenly. My mom was obviously devastated, as was I, but because she was falling to pieces, someone had to stay strong. And that person was me. When I would go out and get our groceries or run our errands, people would always ask, "How's your mom doing?" but never EVER would they ask, "How are you doing?" Since noone asked, I learned to keep how I was feeling bottled inside. And to this day, I still do it.
But Thursday I was really having a hard day. I was off work, and just feeling really miserable about a lot of things in my life. The main thing is my extreme unhappiness with my job. Extreme. That is sort of at the root of things, and it makes me not want to make my effort where Weight Watchers is concerned. I stayed home all day on Thursday, in my pajamas. I didn't want to do a single thing but mope. I ate like crap, more or less, and you know what, momentarily, it DID make me feel better. But after I ate that pizza, I still felt just as shitty, if not more, than I did before eating it. It was just one of those days where I felt like throwing in the towel.
But I'm not. I will persevere.
Only I have the power to make me into the person I want to become. Outside forces, no matter how powerful they seem at the time, are not responsible for me going off plan. I am responsible for that. And there are still going to be days when I want to quit, and there are still going to be days, I'm sure, where I eat something I shouldn't, in quantities I shouldn't... but the more important part is what I do after I make that bad decision. It's whether I decide to be the person that stays on the ground after I've fallen, or the person that stands up, dusts herself off, and keeps on trying.
Persevere.
–noun
1. steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., esp. in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.
I have always known that when I reach my 75 pound goal, I will get another tattoo. That's been my reward for about 9 months now, and I have been looking forward to it. (A little fun fact about me--I have 5 tattoos, none of which you would know I have unless wearing capris or a tank top). I set that as my reward back in August, yet I didn't know what I would get. All I knew was that I wanted it to be a word that represented my weight loss journey. The word perseverance always came to mind when thinking of what word could encapsulate my hard work. I have since decided on a different word & have designed my future tattoo, but it will remain a secret until I meet my 75 pound goal. It is not this word, however. But I wanted to talk about this word.
What keeps us going? When we fall down flat on our faces, whatever our program may be, what is it that makes some of us shake ourselves off & get back up, and makes some of us feel dejected, like we'll never be able to do this?
I've been both of those people. I've had my moments where I wanted to stay flat on my face and kick and scream and cry and say "I don't wanna!". It's hard work to stick with something like this. And it's not fun sometimes. There are days when I want to say, "Screw you healthy food, I'm getting a pizza. And ice cream." And sometimes I do get pizza. And ice cream. Like yesterday. But then there are times when I say "You know what, Teale. It's your decision to be unhealthy, just like it's your decision to be healthy. And nothing worth having in this world comes easy, so get off your shrinking butt and get your chin up, we've got some work to do."
In my real life, I am a generally upbeat person. Sometimes I'll mope around in my blog & write about stuff that gets me down, but I usually put on a pretty good front. I am notorious for pushing others away when I'm having personal life struggles. I want to be the strong one. It's because I've always had to be. I can't say where all my personality traits came from or began, but I can absolutely tell you where this one comes from. When I was 16, my dad passed away suddenly. My mom was obviously devastated, as was I, but because she was falling to pieces, someone had to stay strong. And that person was me. When I would go out and get our groceries or run our errands, people would always ask, "How's your mom doing?" but never EVER would they ask, "How are you doing?" Since noone asked, I learned to keep how I was feeling bottled inside. And to this day, I still do it.
But Thursday I was really having a hard day. I was off work, and just feeling really miserable about a lot of things in my life. The main thing is my extreme unhappiness with my job. Extreme. That is sort of at the root of things, and it makes me not want to make my effort where Weight Watchers is concerned. I stayed home all day on Thursday, in my pajamas. I didn't want to do a single thing but mope. I ate like crap, more or less, and you know what, momentarily, it DID make me feel better. But after I ate that pizza, I still felt just as shitty, if not more, than I did before eating it. It was just one of those days where I felt like throwing in the towel.
But I'm not. I will persevere.
Only I have the power to make me into the person I want to become. Outside forces, no matter how powerful they seem at the time, are not responsible for me going off plan. I am responsible for that. And there are still going to be days when I want to quit, and there are still going to be days, I'm sure, where I eat something I shouldn't, in quantities I shouldn't... but the more important part is what I do after I make that bad decision. It's whether I decide to be the person that stays on the ground after I've fallen, or the person that stands up, dusts herself off, and keeps on trying.
Persevere.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Struggles
I was watching TV tonight at about 7pm, after dinner. They were eating pizza.
And since then, ALL I can think about is ordering a pizza.
Now, having pizza for dinner in itself would be bad enough for me, because I know I would overeat... but I have ALREADY had dinner, so ordering pizza would be ridiculous.
But it's all I've been thinking about.
I had a 1pt WW cookie. I drank water. I still want the pizza.
Why do I want the stupid pizza? I want to lose weight. But right now, I want to taste the pizza more.
So I asked myself, what is it about the pizza that makes you want it so badly... and it's honestly just how happy tasting something good would make me. Today was a bad day. I hate my job with so much passion it's unbelievable. Today was just one more of those awful days at that hellhole. Eating some tasty pizza would make me forget about how much I hate my job. Eating some pizza would make me forget the misery. Momentarily.
Eating pizza would also bloat me like no other. It would put me over my points for the day. Then there would be leftovers and I would be tempted by them tomorrow.
I'm almost in tears here. WHY am I like this? Normal people are NOT obsessive like this about stuffing their feelings with food.
I've tried doing other things tonight. I have watched TV, I've read my book, I've played games on the computer, I've BLOGGED. But still, there's this whisper in my ear... orderpizzaorderpizzaorderpizza.
I know what I should do, but I don't know what I will do.
And since then, ALL I can think about is ordering a pizza.
Now, having pizza for dinner in itself would be bad enough for me, because I know I would overeat... but I have ALREADY had dinner, so ordering pizza would be ridiculous.
But it's all I've been thinking about.
I had a 1pt WW cookie. I drank water. I still want the pizza.
Why do I want the stupid pizza? I want to lose weight. But right now, I want to taste the pizza more.
So I asked myself, what is it about the pizza that makes you want it so badly... and it's honestly just how happy tasting something good would make me. Today was a bad day. I hate my job with so much passion it's unbelievable. Today was just one more of those awful days at that hellhole. Eating some tasty pizza would make me forget about how much I hate my job. Eating some pizza would make me forget the misery. Momentarily.
Eating pizza would also bloat me like no other. It would put me over my points for the day. Then there would be leftovers and I would be tempted by them tomorrow.
I'm almost in tears here. WHY am I like this? Normal people are NOT obsessive like this about stuffing their feelings with food.
I've tried doing other things tonight. I have watched TV, I've read my book, I've played games on the computer, I've BLOGGED. But still, there's this whisper in my ear... orderpizzaorderpizzaorderpizza.
I know what I should do, but I don't know what I will do.
Blog Buddies
Hello friends! I am trying to get into the swing of reading/commenting more often again. I have a whole list of blogs on my google reader, but I know some people have gone MIA, while others write 3 times a day! I have read the most recent couple of posts for everyone, and I've marked the rest as read, just so that I can catch up.
What I'd like to do is get some new, updated bloggers on there... so what I'd like you to do is reccomend to me 3 favorite blogs that you read. Tell me why you read them (inspirational, entertaining, etc), and don't forget to give me the link or url address to their blogs so I can stop by and read them & add them to my google reader! I realize that you don't know what blogs I read all ready, so I may get some reccomendations that I all ready have bookmarked. That's OK! And if you want to reccomend more than 3, have at it!!!
Let me have it:)
What I'd like to do is get some new, updated bloggers on there... so what I'd like you to do is reccomend to me 3 favorite blogs that you read. Tell me why you read them (inspirational, entertaining, etc), and don't forget to give me the link or url address to their blogs so I can stop by and read them & add them to my google reader! I realize that you don't know what blogs I read all ready, so I may get some reccomendations that I all ready have bookmarked. That's OK! And if you want to reccomend more than 3, have at it!!!
Let me have it:)
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
HYC Challenge Check-In
I can't remember the last time I posted a check-in for HYC that was actually GOOD! Here's my week in a nutshell...
Last Tuesday I finally got my head on straight. I got groceries, including LOTS of produce (that I have since eaten almost ALL of... none has gone to waste!), planned out what I could eat during the week, and I was ready to shine! I had 3 days of eating totally OP and went to WW on Friday morning. I was down an astonishing 6.6 pounds on the scale! Wahooo!!! I was even deemed that meeting's Biggest Loser and got to take home this big flower smily face to keep me on track all week! 
My weekend started off pretty good. I made good decisions at dinner & at the movies. Things went a bit downhill Saturday, but still not unsalvagable, I don't think. I had leftover spinach quiche for breakfast (8 points), had McDonald's as my only option for lunch, but got a plain McChicken (8 points), then had a wedding reception to go to where I made relatively good choices totalling 10 points. So, that left me with 10 daily points and my 35 weekly points... and there was an open bar.... I would imagine that I drank about that, too. I did NOT however, have any cake! We also got White Castle for the drunken ride back to our hotel... I'd never had it before, but let me tell you, I want more. I don't even know the points on those little suckers. But I ate 2. But, that was just one day, and Sunday I did better. I didn't eat much all day b/c we were on the road, then dinner was at Red Lobster for my mom's birthday. I could have made a better decision, but the fact was that it was dinner time & I'd used 4 of my daily points, so I got what I wanted.
But, the weekend is over, and now I'm back to focused eating & logging everything that goes in my mouth! I am GOING to exercise today. Period. I took the stairs down 16 flights of stairs today all ready... that's something. Yes, going up them would be more of a workout, but I don't really want to be sweaty at work! Tonight I'm making porcupine meatballs (ground turkey meatballs w/rice in them, covered w/FF cream of mushroom soup). I think Instead of the rice though, I may use some spinach & onion that I have in my veggie drawer that I don't want to go to waste. That would lower the points AND I'd get use of my veggies. That may just be a plan!
I am going to continue to go to Friday morning WW meetings (as long as I continue to have Friday mornings off). I was feeling a little burnt out on my leader. She's really upbeat & nice, but I've come to realize she's really spacy & ditzy, and it's started to get on my nerves. The Friday lady is a little different. She's quieter, but she's very encouraging, and I think maybe even just a few weeks away from my other woman might be enough to get me back to Tuesdays eventually. I miss the Tuesday crowd, but I need a break! So, fingers crossed that Friday morning brings good results!!!
Saturday, May 3, 2008
Fantastic.
After 3 good days on plan, I went to my WW meeting to see if it made any difference after weeks of NOT being on plan. I had been eating out a lot before & not drinking much water, so I did anticipate a bit of water weight loss. I also was weighing in in the morning vs. in the evening when I usually do.
But let me tell you how much it motivated me to see the scale down 6.6 pounds!
That was definately what I needed. I feel less forlorn about the fact that I was up 13.8 pounds from my lowest... I just cut that in half!
Last night I faced some challenges, but I think I handled them very well. I went to dinner at my favorite mexican restaurant with a friend. I had only a few chips with salsa, instead of half the basket. I had iced tea instead of a margarita. And I had a shrimp fajita quesadilla instead of cheesy chicken enchiladas w/rice & beans. And I didn't eat it all. I used maybe 1 tsp of guac & sour cream instead of the 1/4 c. they give you of each. I did good.
Then was the movies. Movie popcorn is something I absolutely LOVE. Something I will NOT give up, but will have only in small amounts now. Instead of getting the extra large tub with tons of butter, I got the small. Instead of getting a box of snowcaps & eating them, I brought a 100 cal pack of the oreo candy bites with me. Instead of a huge full-sugar & calorie pop, I got a small diet. I did good again!
I think I am finally back in the game!
I think that a lot of the friends that used to read me have maybe stopped. That's to be expected when I disappear for some time, but hopefully that encouragement will return, because it certainly is helpful!
But let me tell you how much it motivated me to see the scale down 6.6 pounds!
That was definately what I needed. I feel less forlorn about the fact that I was up 13.8 pounds from my lowest... I just cut that in half!
Last night I faced some challenges, but I think I handled them very well. I went to dinner at my favorite mexican restaurant with a friend. I had only a few chips with salsa, instead of half the basket. I had iced tea instead of a margarita. And I had a shrimp fajita quesadilla instead of cheesy chicken enchiladas w/rice & beans. And I didn't eat it all. I used maybe 1 tsp of guac & sour cream instead of the 1/4 c. they give you of each. I did good.
Then was the movies. Movie popcorn is something I absolutely LOVE. Something I will NOT give up, but will have only in small amounts now. Instead of getting the extra large tub with tons of butter, I got the small. Instead of getting a box of snowcaps & eating them, I brought a 100 cal pack of the oreo candy bites with me. Instead of a huge full-sugar & calorie pop, I got a small diet. I did good again!
I think I am finally back in the game!
I think that a lot of the friends that used to read me have maybe stopped. That's to be expected when I disappear for some time, but hopefully that encouragement will return, because it certainly is helpful!
Friday, May 2, 2008
Breakfast Quiche
Today is my day off, so I was able to cook some tasty breakfast! I have a recipe on here I think for a ham & cheese "quiche". You use bisquick, egg beaters, diced ham, cheese, etc. I don't remember the quantities of each, but I wanted to try something similar using veggies. So, I improvised. I still had some bisquick, but I didn't have any egg beaters. I did have whole eggs though, so I decided to use those. It bumps up the points a little, but using veggies in the quiche doesn't take any points, so really it's not so bad. So, here is what I did!
Spinach/Onion Breakfast "Quiche"
4 servings/4 points
3 medium eggs (6 points)
1/2 c. bisquick (5 points)
1/2 c. 2% shredded cheese (4 points)
1/4 c. diced onion (0 points)
1/2 c. torn spinach (0 points)
(next time I would add some garlic, salt, and pepper, but I forgot! I just added some garlic salt & ground pepper on top & it was perfect)
I mixed the bisquick, water, and eggs until they were smooth, then added the remaining ingredients.
Pour the mixture into a VERY WELL sprayed round pie plate or casserole dish. You gotta spray it well or it will stick!
Cook in a 350 degree oven for 20 minutes. You'll see the edges getting a golden brown color, and if you stick a knife in the middle, it should come out pretty clean!
This is DELICIOUS! And I know from having made the ham & cheese one before, that it's even better the next day warmed up in the microwave!
Take a look at this beauty. It was almost too pretty to eat. Almost.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Day Two
First of all, I resisted the Panera. They took it over to the other breakroom, but they did tell me it was there. I had to go to that breakroom to get my lunch, and I saw them on the table. I peeked in the box, then I closed it & walked away! Wahoo, NSV!
Today has been another good day food-wise.
Breakfast: cereal w/milk
Snack:Granola Bar
Lunch: Banana, salad w/feta, croutons, tomatoes, and light 3 cheese ranch dressing, 100 cal pack
Snack: mini rice cakes
Dinner: tomatoes w/feta & olive oil, broccoli, grilled ham & cheese, and baked bbq lays
I still have 10 points left for the evening. I will probably have some cheese & crackers later this evening before bed.
Last night I mixed 1 spoon of peanut butter w/some banana cream pie yogurt for a tasty pb-banana concoction. Would make a good fruit dip.
I weigh in tomorrow at WW. Tuesday is usually my weigh in day, but after the horrible time I'd been doing, I just couldn't face it. So, Wednesday & Thursday were good, OP days. While they won't erase the bad ones that I had before it, I'm hoping that they at least allow me to maintain. I can't handle ANOTHER gain. This will also be a morning WI, and usually I do evening ones... so, maybe that will help.
I will be using all my flex on Saturday... Eddie and I have a wedding to go to... with an open bar. My plan is to stay away from the fruity, sweet mixed drinks. And the wine, because it gives me a headache. Light beer & diet pop w/liquor will be my drinks for the evening. Must remember to make smart food decisions after drinking.
Today has been another good day food-wise.
Breakfast: cereal w/milk
Snack:Granola Bar
Lunch: Banana, salad w/feta, croutons, tomatoes, and light 3 cheese ranch dressing, 100 cal pack
Snack: mini rice cakes
Dinner: tomatoes w/feta & olive oil, broccoli, grilled ham & cheese, and baked bbq lays
I still have 10 points left for the evening. I will probably have some cheese & crackers later this evening before bed.
Last night I mixed 1 spoon of peanut butter w/some banana cream pie yogurt for a tasty pb-banana concoction. Would make a good fruit dip.
I weigh in tomorrow at WW. Tuesday is usually my weigh in day, but after the horrible time I'd been doing, I just couldn't face it. So, Wednesday & Thursday were good, OP days. While they won't erase the bad ones that I had before it, I'm hoping that they at least allow me to maintain. I can't handle ANOTHER gain. This will also be a morning WI, and usually I do evening ones... so, maybe that will help.
I will be using all my flex on Saturday... Eddie and I have a wedding to go to... with an open bar. My plan is to stay away from the fruity, sweet mixed drinks. And the wine, because it gives me a headache. Light beer & diet pop w/liquor will be my drinks for the evening. Must remember to make smart food decisions after drinking.
Temptation
The case managers have their weekly meeting in the conference room right next to my desk. I saw a man enter with two huge bags from Panera. I know that there will probably be extras and they will offer me a bagel. My mouth waters thinking about the cinnamon-crunchy-goodness w/hazelnut cream cheese.
But I will say no.
It's not in my plan for today.
I WILL SAY NO.
*****
Yesterday went very very well. I did not get in my exercise, which is unfortunate, but I did a lot of other things right, so I'm not going to beat myself up about it. For my first day back on plan after many off-days, I think I did pretty well. My menu obviously needs some tweaking, but this was a vast improvement. Here's yesterday's menu:
Cheese (3)
Morning Quaker Minis (2)
Salad (2)
Soup (3)
Smart Ones (6)
Popcorn (4)
Broccoli (0)
Grape tomatoes w/feta & olive oil (2)
Wheat spaghetti w/spray butter & parmesan (5)
2 WW cookies (2)
100 cal pack (2)
Yogurt (2)
Peanut butter (2)
Total: 35
But I will say no.
It's not in my plan for today.
I WILL SAY NO.
*****
Yesterday went very very well. I did not get in my exercise, which is unfortunate, but I did a lot of other things right, so I'm not going to beat myself up about it. For my first day back on plan after many off-days, I think I did pretty well. My menu obviously needs some tweaking, but this was a vast improvement. Here's yesterday's menu:
Cheese (3)
Morning Quaker Minis (2)
Salad (2)
Soup (3)
Smart Ones (6)
Popcorn (4)
Broccoli (0)
Grape tomatoes w/feta & olive oil (2)
Wheat spaghetti w/spray butter & parmesan (5)
2 WW cookies (2)
100 cal pack (2)
Yogurt (2)
Peanut butter (2)
Total: 35
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Evaluation
I decided to evaluate my progress on WW since January 1st. I knew that I had lost, met some goals, then gained, gained, gained. I wasn't sure really what my weight even was at the beginning of the year, so I checked it out.
And I was able to see a pattern of self-sabotage.
The first 8 weeks of the new year, I successfully lost weight--every single week. On the 8th week, I crossed over the 50-pound mark of weight lost. Hooray! Then the following week, I had a gain.
The week after that, I lost again, and that put me at 53.8 pounds lost, which is the most I have lost so far. And every week since then, I have gained. That's 4 WW meetings, but I did miss 3. So, 7 weeks and I have made no progress. (I didn't go to my meeting last night, I'm going to go Friday... but I hope it's not 8 weeks with no progress).
Overall, I am 1.8 pounds lighter now than I was on January 1st. I suppose I should be happy about that. There is less of me. However, seeing it put out there is eye-opening. I have gone four months with pretty much no progress. If I want to see progress, though, I need to be 100% committed again. I know the program. I can give great advice to others about ways to try harder & ways to stick to the plan... but I can't seem to follow my own advice. Whine, whine, whine, I know, right?
I have just been lazy.
After the horrible breakup, I wanted to focus on anything BUT that, so I kept my head in the WW game, hardcore. It wasn't until a month after the breakup that I started gaining weight. That was about the same time that I met Eddie. New relationships also seem to be my downfall. Eating out, getting drinks, etc. When I started dating Mike, that's when I packed on 50 extra pounds. I worked hard to get them off, and I need to keep working hard to get more off.
I've gotten into the habit of saying "OK, tomorrow is the day, I'll just have one more bad day to get it out of my system". But that ONE MORE DAY just keeps coming. Even this morning, I thought "hmm, maybe I'll swing by McDonald's and get my LAST bad breakfast there." Why bother with one more bad thing though? Why not just stop?! So, I didn't go.
There are 4 months left until my WW anniversary. My goal for those 4 months is to lose 20 pounds. That would put me at 60 pounds lost. Initially, I wanted to hit my 75 pound mark by my anniversary, but 35 pounds in 4 months seems like a lofty goal, so I won't set my expectations that high. That would put me at 267.6 and I haven't seen the 260s in who knows how long.
So here's to the next 20 pounds!
And I was able to see a pattern of self-sabotage.
The first 8 weeks of the new year, I successfully lost weight--every single week. On the 8th week, I crossed over the 50-pound mark of weight lost. Hooray! Then the following week, I had a gain.
The week after that, I lost again, and that put me at 53.8 pounds lost, which is the most I have lost so far. And every week since then, I have gained. That's 4 WW meetings, but I did miss 3. So, 7 weeks and I have made no progress. (I didn't go to my meeting last night, I'm going to go Friday... but I hope it's not 8 weeks with no progress).
Overall, I am 1.8 pounds lighter now than I was on January 1st. I suppose I should be happy about that. There is less of me. However, seeing it put out there is eye-opening. I have gone four months with pretty much no progress. If I want to see progress, though, I need to be 100% committed again. I know the program. I can give great advice to others about ways to try harder & ways to stick to the plan... but I can't seem to follow my own advice. Whine, whine, whine, I know, right?
I have just been lazy.
After the horrible breakup, I wanted to focus on anything BUT that, so I kept my head in the WW game, hardcore. It wasn't until a month after the breakup that I started gaining weight. That was about the same time that I met Eddie. New relationships also seem to be my downfall. Eating out, getting drinks, etc. When I started dating Mike, that's when I packed on 50 extra pounds. I worked hard to get them off, and I need to keep working hard to get more off.
I've gotten into the habit of saying "OK, tomorrow is the day, I'll just have one more bad day to get it out of my system". But that ONE MORE DAY just keeps coming. Even this morning, I thought "hmm, maybe I'll swing by McDonald's and get my LAST bad breakfast there." Why bother with one more bad thing though? Why not just stop?! So, I didn't go.
There are 4 months left until my WW anniversary. My goal for those 4 months is to lose 20 pounds. That would put me at 60 pounds lost. Initially, I wanted to hit my 75 pound mark by my anniversary, but 35 pounds in 4 months seems like a lofty goal, so I won't set my expectations that high. That would put me at 267.6 and I haven't seen the 260s in who knows how long.
So here's to the next 20 pounds!
Just for today.
I commit to staying totally on-plan today and also to getting 30 minutes of exercise.
I'm doing horribly. But just for today, I am going to do well. Then I'll worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.
This weekend I went on another binge. Went to the store and bought $30 worth of totally crappy food, just because it sounded good.
Last night I cleaned out the cabinets and fridge of the junk food I'd bought & I threw it away. Today I go to the store and get good-for-me food.
Just for today, I can do well.
I'm doing horribly. But just for today, I am going to do well. Then I'll worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.
This weekend I went on another binge. Went to the store and bought $30 worth of totally crappy food, just because it sounded good.
Last night I cleaned out the cabinets and fridge of the junk food I'd bought & I threw it away. Today I go to the store and get good-for-me food.
Just for today, I can do well.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Disappointment.
I have had a really rough 2 months with WW. I haven't been following the plan very well... well, not at all. Last week though, I recommitted. No more eating out 1-2 times/day, no more sugary pop at lunch... back to healthy stuff!I had a really good week, I thought. It was definately the best week (by far) since probably January.
My weekend was a little rocky... I ate out a couple times and I didn't record my food on the weekend (but did really well during the week). All in all though, I expected a loss of a couple pounds. I figured even though I had a couple little slip-ups over the weekend, it was leaps & bounds better than I had been doing.
So imagine my surprise, disappointment, and frustration when I weighed in tonight & had GAINED 2.2 more pounds.I have always been one to own up to my actions. If I'm not following the plan, it's not going to work... and the past several weeks, I've gained because I haven't even attempted to follow the plan. This week though, it just doesn't make sense. I did so many things good & right. And I have NOTHING to show for it.
I have officially gained 15 pounds this year. So excuse my eye roll when I get really nice comments from you ladies telling me how good I look. I know you wouldn't say it if you didnt' think it, but the fact is, my fat ass is 15 pounds heavier. And THAT does not look good.
I know that it's gonna take hard work to take it back off, and it's not gonna come off overnight. I know that. I'm just upset by this week's results. This is the first week that I've actually, genuinely been surprised by the scale. Ugh.
Keep on keepin' on, I suppose.
My weekend was a little rocky... I ate out a couple times and I didn't record my food on the weekend (but did really well during the week). All in all though, I expected a loss of a couple pounds. I figured even though I had a couple little slip-ups over the weekend, it was leaps & bounds better than I had been doing.
So imagine my surprise, disappointment, and frustration when I weighed in tonight & had GAINED 2.2 more pounds.I have always been one to own up to my actions. If I'm not following the plan, it's not going to work... and the past several weeks, I've gained because I haven't even attempted to follow the plan. This week though, it just doesn't make sense. I did so many things good & right. And I have NOTHING to show for it.
I have officially gained 15 pounds this year. So excuse my eye roll when I get really nice comments from you ladies telling me how good I look. I know you wouldn't say it if you didnt' think it, but the fact is, my fat ass is 15 pounds heavier. And THAT does not look good.
I know that it's gonna take hard work to take it back off, and it's not gonna come off overnight. I know that. I'm just upset by this week's results. This is the first week that I've actually, genuinely been surprised by the scale. Ugh.
Keep on keepin' on, I suppose.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Body Shots
(not of the alcoholic kind!)
Just thought I'd post a picture of me & my boyfriend Eddie all dressed up! We had a formal to attend this past weekend, and we do look cute, if I say so myself!
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Italian Sausage & Rotini
Here's the recipe for the DELICIOUS meal I made last night!
Italian Sausage & Rotini
4 servings/5 points each
3 Turkey Italian Sausage (3 points each=9 points)
3 servings whole wheat rotini (3 points/serving=9 points)
1 small can tomato sauce (about 1/2 cup=0 points)
1 can diced tomatoes--I used the onion/garlic flavor (about 1 cup=0 points)
1 small can mushrooms--I'd leave them out next time (1/4 cup=0 points)
1/4 cup lowfat parmesan (2 points)
Minced Garlic
Salt
Pepper
Greek Seasoning (optional)
1. Cut up turkey sausage into desired size & cook in skillet sprayed w/cooking spray. Once sausage is cooked all the way through, add desired amount of garlic. I also like to add a little greek seasoning, but that's up to you!
2. Add tomato sauce, tomatoes, and mushrooms. Season with salt, pepper, etc to taste.
3. Cook 3 servings whole wheat rotini.
4. Combine sauce mixture and pasta, then add the parmesan cheese. Mix well & serve!
I divided this into 4 servings for 5 points each. The servings are pretty large, so if you made it into more servings, just adjust your points accordingly!
Italian Sausage & Rotini
4 servings/5 points each
3 Turkey Italian Sausage (3 points each=9 points)
3 servings whole wheat rotini (3 points/serving=9 points)
1 small can tomato sauce (about 1/2 cup=0 points)
1 can diced tomatoes--I used the onion/garlic flavor (about 1 cup=0 points)
1 small can mushrooms--I'd leave them out next time (1/4 cup=0 points)
1/4 cup lowfat parmesan (2 points)
Minced Garlic
Salt
Pepper
Greek Seasoning (optional)
1. Cut up turkey sausage into desired size & cook in skillet sprayed w/cooking spray. Once sausage is cooked all the way through, add desired amount of garlic. I also like to add a little greek seasoning, but that's up to you!
2. Add tomato sauce, tomatoes, and mushrooms. Season with salt, pepper, etc to taste.
3. Cook 3 servings whole wheat rotini.
4. Combine sauce mixture and pasta, then add the parmesan cheese. Mix well & serve!
I divided this into 4 servings for 5 points each. The servings are pretty large, so if you made it into more servings, just adjust your points accordingly!
Day One
I did pretty well yesterday, if I do say so myself. Here are the things I did good:
--Ate breakfast at home instead of in our cafeteria. In the cafeteria, I had been getting a biscuit w/gravy & hashbrowns... every day. Yesterday I ate cereal w/skim milk & a banana cut up in it!
--Walked 5 minutes to & from work instead of taking the shuttle from the parking area to the door
--Logged all my food (even the chocolate I ate & shouldn't have)
--Cooked! (Recipe to follow)
--NO DRIVE-THRUS!!!
I had one small slip-up yesterday, but it wasn't that bad. I forgot to take the chocolate into work yesterday, so last night I was putting it in a ziplock bag to put next to my purse so I wouldn't forget it... and without even thinking, I popped a truffle in my mouth. A 2-point-per-piece truffle. And then I lost control and ate 4 more. So, 10 points worth of crappy chocolate. But, I logged it, I used 4 flex because of it, and today I will do better.
This morning I cooked a couple eggs and had a piece of 1 point bread. I haven't had real eggs in so long though, that I'm not sure my body likes them. I feel a little indigestion coming on. Usually I'm an egg beaters gal, but this time I got regular eggs. We'll see.
Next entry will have my DELICIOUS dinner recipe!
--Ate breakfast at home instead of in our cafeteria. In the cafeteria, I had been getting a biscuit w/gravy & hashbrowns... every day. Yesterday I ate cereal w/skim milk & a banana cut up in it!
--Walked 5 minutes to & from work instead of taking the shuttle from the parking area to the door
--Logged all my food (even the chocolate I ate & shouldn't have)
--Cooked! (Recipe to follow)
--NO DRIVE-THRUS!!!
I had one small slip-up yesterday, but it wasn't that bad. I forgot to take the chocolate into work yesterday, so last night I was putting it in a ziplock bag to put next to my purse so I wouldn't forget it... and without even thinking, I popped a truffle in my mouth. A 2-point-per-piece truffle. And then I lost control and ate 4 more. So, 10 points worth of crappy chocolate. But, I logged it, I used 4 flex because of it, and today I will do better.
This morning I cooked a couple eggs and had a piece of 1 point bread. I haven't had real eggs in so long though, that I'm not sure my body likes them. I feel a little indigestion coming on. Usually I'm an egg beaters gal, but this time I got regular eggs. We'll see.
Next entry will have my DELICIOUS dinner recipe!
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Dear Old Self
Dear Old Self,
On August 22, 2007 I took a vow to leave you behind. At first it was easy. I was motivated to find the New Self, and I walked away from you pretty much without even looking back. I gave up your desire for greasy McDonald's, daily candy bars, and calorie-filled, sugar-loaded pop. New Self was winning the battle, and pounds dropped off. I think New Self lost 30 pounds in 3 months. It was a great ego boost, let me tell you. New Self was kicking Old Self's ass.
Around Thanksgiving time, Old Self, you tried to sneak your way back into my life. I tried to remain strong & remember how great New Self felt, but you were trying your hardest to be the boss in my life again. I fought back hard too though, and even though I didn't lose like I had been, I still came through the holidays weighing less than I did at the beginning of them.
The new year came, and New Self was feeling lazy and tired... you are a figher, Old Self... You were really fighting to win my life over again, and I felt exhausted from fighting you! I went through some tough times in my personal life starting in January, and New Self started to feel defeated. Why bother? New Self tried to at least hold on a little through the storm, but Old Self, you seemed to be getting stronger.
Eventually New Self gave up. New Self was tired of fighting and it was easier to just back down and let you take charge again. I thought that New Self had totally hit the road, never to be seen again. Old Self, you have been ruining my life. You have got to go. I'm not happier with you around, and I'm certainly not healthier. Sometimes we keep old friends in our lives just because they've been there for so long. They might not be the best thing for us anymore (maybe they never were), but we feel attached to them in a very strong way. Well, Old Self, you are not my friend anymore. It's time to say goodbye.
I think in August, I really just said "see ya later" to you, but this time, I have to say goodbye for good. We can't meet again in the future, not if I want to be a healthy person and have New Self in my life. We have to close this chapter. You've been a close friend, Old Self, but I can't say you've been a "good" friend. You've been there for me when others weren't, but I know New Self will eventually be stronger than you ever were. It will just take time for New Self to thrive. But the good news is that even though you returned, New Self didn't really abandon me like I thought. Somehow, New Self held on through the rough waters lately, because she wants to be my best friend now.
New Self has grown her wings. It's time to fly.
Teale
On August 22, 2007 I took a vow to leave you behind. At first it was easy. I was motivated to find the New Self, and I walked away from you pretty much without even looking back. I gave up your desire for greasy McDonald's, daily candy bars, and calorie-filled, sugar-loaded pop. New Self was winning the battle, and pounds dropped off. I think New Self lost 30 pounds in 3 months. It was a great ego boost, let me tell you. New Self was kicking Old Self's ass.
Around Thanksgiving time, Old Self, you tried to sneak your way back into my life. I tried to remain strong & remember how great New Self felt, but you were trying your hardest to be the boss in my life again. I fought back hard too though, and even though I didn't lose like I had been, I still came through the holidays weighing less than I did at the beginning of them.
The new year came, and New Self was feeling lazy and tired... you are a figher, Old Self... You were really fighting to win my life over again, and I felt exhausted from fighting you! I went through some tough times in my personal life starting in January, and New Self started to feel defeated. Why bother? New Self tried to at least hold on a little through the storm, but Old Self, you seemed to be getting stronger.
Eventually New Self gave up. New Self was tired of fighting and it was easier to just back down and let you take charge again. I thought that New Self had totally hit the road, never to be seen again. Old Self, you have been ruining my life. You have got to go. I'm not happier with you around, and I'm certainly not healthier. Sometimes we keep old friends in our lives just because they've been there for so long. They might not be the best thing for us anymore (maybe they never were), but we feel attached to them in a very strong way. Well, Old Self, you are not my friend anymore. It's time to say goodbye.
I think in August, I really just said "see ya later" to you, but this time, I have to say goodbye for good. We can't meet again in the future, not if I want to be a healthy person and have New Self in my life. We have to close this chapter. You've been a close friend, Old Self, but I can't say you've been a "good" friend. You've been there for me when others weren't, but I know New Self will eventually be stronger than you ever were. It will just take time for New Self to thrive. But the good news is that even though you returned, New Self didn't really abandon me like I thought. Somehow, New Self held on through the rough waters lately, because she wants to be my best friend now.
New Self has grown her wings. It's time to fly.
Teale
Come Clean.
I feel like an alcoholic who has had a relapse. The kind of alcoholic that KNOWS what they're doing isnt' healthy, and KNOWS what they need to do to get better (stop with the bad behavior), and KNOWS the tools to beat their addiction, but somehow gets lost.
That's totally how I feel--lost.
To be honest, I think that the whirlwind of my first few months of the year have finally caught up to me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not sad or upset about my breakup situation... in fact, it's just the opposite. I have a new boyfriend who I am 100% CRAZY about, and I just kind of felt like right now I don't mind being the fat happy girl with a boyfriend.
It's kind of a feeling of helplessness, because only I can help myself... words from others (while appreciated) will not make me get back on my feet any easier or faster. I've talked to my friend Melissa about it, and we set a goal for ourselves for our WW anniversary that's coming up in August. We're going to go to a concert, and by the time that concert is here, I'd like to be at 75 pounds lost. The unfortunate part is that I've probably gained 15 since the last time I lost at WW.
I am disappointed in myself. I totally fell back into old habits. I can't tell you the last time I went to the grocery store, or even the last time I cooked. I've turned back into that fast food junkie.
Oh, and the chocolate... don't get me started on the chocolate.
It's embarrassing, beyond belief embarrassing, but I have to say it so that it's out there... We ordered a big box of truffles for the wedding favors. 180 truffles to be exact. And about a month ago, I opened the box. It had remained unopened for awhile, I was hoping to sell them... but I made the mistake of having "just one". And now, the truffles are probably 2/3 gone. I've shared some, but the majority was me eating them. By the handfuls.
It's disgusting.
I've been avoiding this place b/c I don't want to be the Debbie Downer of the group & be the kind of person that says "woe is me" and doesn't do anything about it. I recognize that I need to do something about it, but I feel like I'm under a spell or something. My strength to say "no" diminished recently, and I'm trying to fight hard to stay above the water... I'm not trying very hard I guess...
Oh, I don't know, that's just where I stand right now. I need a plan.
That's totally how I feel--lost.
To be honest, I think that the whirlwind of my first few months of the year have finally caught up to me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not sad or upset about my breakup situation... in fact, it's just the opposite. I have a new boyfriend who I am 100% CRAZY about, and I just kind of felt like right now I don't mind being the fat happy girl with a boyfriend.
It's kind of a feeling of helplessness, because only I can help myself... words from others (while appreciated) will not make me get back on my feet any easier or faster. I've talked to my friend Melissa about it, and we set a goal for ourselves for our WW anniversary that's coming up in August. We're going to go to a concert, and by the time that concert is here, I'd like to be at 75 pounds lost. The unfortunate part is that I've probably gained 15 since the last time I lost at WW.
I am disappointed in myself. I totally fell back into old habits. I can't tell you the last time I went to the grocery store, or even the last time I cooked. I've turned back into that fast food junkie.
Oh, and the chocolate... don't get me started on the chocolate.
It's embarrassing, beyond belief embarrassing, but I have to say it so that it's out there... We ordered a big box of truffles for the wedding favors. 180 truffles to be exact. And about a month ago, I opened the box. It had remained unopened for awhile, I was hoping to sell them... but I made the mistake of having "just one". And now, the truffles are probably 2/3 gone. I've shared some, but the majority was me eating them. By the handfuls.
It's disgusting.
I've been avoiding this place b/c I don't want to be the Debbie Downer of the group & be the kind of person that says "woe is me" and doesn't do anything about it. I recognize that I need to do something about it, but I feel like I'm under a spell or something. My strength to say "no" diminished recently, and I'm trying to fight hard to stay above the water... I'm not trying very hard I guess...
Oh, I don't know, that's just where I stand right now. I need a plan.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Lost my focus
So a lot of the ladies that I'm reading right now seem to have gone through a similar funk that I have been going through recently. Many of us started our journey at about the same time... perhaps this is the 6-8 month lull?
I have had a really really horrible 2 weeks. And for about 2 months before that, I was just half-assing it. These past two weeks though, it has been a no-holds-barred bingefest. I gave myself permission to eat what I wanted while on vacation. Mistake number one. Then when I came back, I didn't get focused like I said I would. I gave myself permission to only "try" a little bit of core & still pig out when I wanted... UNTIL TUESDAY (my ww meeting day).
Well, it's Tuesday. I weighed in. And had a 6.4 pound gain since 2 weeks ago. I honestly expected more. I thought it was going to be at least 10. I know that 6 pounds will come off with some hard work and focus.
I've honestly been wondering if I should see someone about my food issues. It's like I have blinders on and don't even realize what I'm doing until it's too late. The old habit of going to the drive-thru to get food late at night, the grabbing a piece of candy every time I pass the candy dish, the going down to the cafeteria at work every day to get a big lunch... these are habits that don't even register at the time that they're occuring. And similarly, good habits don't even register that they're missing. My friend texted me yesterday and asked if I wanted to go to the gym. THE GYM? I forgot I HAD a gym membership. I forgot that's something I SHOULD be doing. What the heck?! My most recent cause for bingeing lately has simply been boredom. How sad is that? Boredom.
So, tomorrow it's back to the grindstone. I asked my ww leader if I could get another copy of the getting started materials that they give you in week one. I gave all my stuff to my mom, so don't even have the materials to read over for the core plan. I'm unclear if the plan will be for me or not, but I figure I should try something.
Thanks to those of you that still stick by me, despite my lack of support for both myself and others right now. Mwah!
I have had a really really horrible 2 weeks. And for about 2 months before that, I was just half-assing it. These past two weeks though, it has been a no-holds-barred bingefest. I gave myself permission to eat what I wanted while on vacation. Mistake number one. Then when I came back, I didn't get focused like I said I would. I gave myself permission to only "try" a little bit of core & still pig out when I wanted... UNTIL TUESDAY (my ww meeting day).
Well, it's Tuesday. I weighed in. And had a 6.4 pound gain since 2 weeks ago. I honestly expected more. I thought it was going to be at least 10. I know that 6 pounds will come off with some hard work and focus.
I've honestly been wondering if I should see someone about my food issues. It's like I have blinders on and don't even realize what I'm doing until it's too late. The old habit of going to the drive-thru to get food late at night, the grabbing a piece of candy every time I pass the candy dish, the going down to the cafeteria at work every day to get a big lunch... these are habits that don't even register at the time that they're occuring. And similarly, good habits don't even register that they're missing. My friend texted me yesterday and asked if I wanted to go to the gym. THE GYM? I forgot I HAD a gym membership. I forgot that's something I SHOULD be doing. What the heck?! My most recent cause for bingeing lately has simply been boredom. How sad is that? Boredom.
So, tomorrow it's back to the grindstone. I asked my ww leader if I could get another copy of the getting started materials that they give you in week one. I gave all my stuff to my mom, so don't even have the materials to read over for the core plan. I'm unclear if the plan will be for me or not, but I figure I should try something.
Thanks to those of you that still stick by me, despite my lack of support for both myself and others right now. Mwah!
Friday, March 28, 2008
I've been on vacation...
And I mean that in both the literal & figurative sense. I've been away because I travelled to Oregon for a week. I have a friend out there who I went to visit. It's very beautiful out there. Before I left for my trip, I had a bit of a binge slip-up. I have been feeling very mediocre regarding my WW plan for several weeks. I haven't been strict. Hell, I haven't even been really counting points. I made a decision before my vacation that I was going to do what I wanted while on vacation, and when I returned, I was going to give the core plan an attempt. My leader suggests switching plans if you keep finding yourself in the same roadblock. So, I decided that's what I needed to do.
I feared the core plan a lot. For those that may not know the difference, WW has two plans. The flex plan gives you a daily points amount based on your weight, gender, activity level, etc. You can eat what you want, as long as you stay within your daily points value. There are good health guidelines to follow as well (such as drinking water, getting dairy, etc), but essentially, you could still eat crap while on this plan & lose weight. And tha'ts what I had been doing here and there. However, the core plan doesn't count points. There is a list of core foods, and you eat what you want to off this list (it's a big list), as much as it takes for you to feel satisfied. That's something that's very different between the plans. Flex doesn't require you to really pay attention to your comfort level. So oftentimes, I'd find myself eating simply because I had the points to use, not because I was actually hungry. Core also gives you 35 flex points per week, so if you want to eat something that's not a core food, you are still able to do that, within reason.
So the reason I was afraid of it was because I feel like if I knew when to stop when I was no longer hungry (vs. being full--that's very different!), I wouldn't weigh what I weigh now. This also changes pretty much my whole menu. Right now I do eat quite a few processed foods. Things that are quick and easy--frozen meals, 100 cal packs, etc. Core seems like a lot more "clean" eating. It also seems like a lot of work to learn the new program. But I think that's what I need. I need to focus on learning something new instead of being stuck in a comfortable spot.
I haven't been to a meeting in 2 weeks because of my trip. I will be going on Tuesday, and I am quite afraid. To be honest, I feel like I've probably gained like 10 pounds. That's what happens though when you dont' lead a healthy lifestyle. So, here's to trying something new...
If anyone that reads me is doing core or has tried it, could you please provide me with some encouragement or words of wisdom about the program? I'm going into this one blind!
I feared the core plan a lot. For those that may not know the difference, WW has two plans. The flex plan gives you a daily points amount based on your weight, gender, activity level, etc. You can eat what you want, as long as you stay within your daily points value. There are good health guidelines to follow as well (such as drinking water, getting dairy, etc), but essentially, you could still eat crap while on this plan & lose weight. And tha'ts what I had been doing here and there. However, the core plan doesn't count points. There is a list of core foods, and you eat what you want to off this list (it's a big list), as much as it takes for you to feel satisfied. That's something that's very different between the plans. Flex doesn't require you to really pay attention to your comfort level. So oftentimes, I'd find myself eating simply because I had the points to use, not because I was actually hungry. Core also gives you 35 flex points per week, so if you want to eat something that's not a core food, you are still able to do that, within reason.
So the reason I was afraid of it was because I feel like if I knew when to stop when I was no longer hungry (vs. being full--that's very different!), I wouldn't weigh what I weigh now. This also changes pretty much my whole menu. Right now I do eat quite a few processed foods. Things that are quick and easy--frozen meals, 100 cal packs, etc. Core seems like a lot more "clean" eating. It also seems like a lot of work to learn the new program. But I think that's what I need. I need to focus on learning something new instead of being stuck in a comfortable spot.
I haven't been to a meeting in 2 weeks because of my trip. I will be going on Tuesday, and I am quite afraid. To be honest, I feel like I've probably gained like 10 pounds. That's what happens though when you dont' lead a healthy lifestyle. So, here's to trying something new...
If anyone that reads me is doing core or has tried it, could you please provide me with some encouragement or words of wisdom about the program? I'm going into this one blind!
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Check In
Today was a really good day. I am happy that I can say that, despite the scale saying that I am 2.6 pounds up this week. I had a good week, and while I didn't do everything I committed to (hey, where were the people hounding me about it?!), I am still happy with how it turned out. This is the weigh-in that falls at the tail end of my period, and no matter how good I do that week, I never quite see the results that you would anticipate. I know that though, and I will not let a number define my mood.
After weighing in, I came home & changed and hit the streets for day 2 of c25k. Today I actually did the 60/90 jog/walk rotation. Let me tell you, 60 seconds is a long time to run when you weigh 275 pounds and haven't run in about 5 years. After about 3 times jogging, I felt DEAD. I wanted to go home. I looked at the clock, and it had only been like 8 minutes! Out of 20! And then the next song in rotation started on my mp3 player. It's a song by Jimmy Eat World that always puts me in a good mood. It's got a good beat, a good tempo, I just like it. And the first lines of the song were perfect.
Are you gonna live your life wondering,
Standing in the back, looking around?
Are you gonna waste your life thinking,
How you've grown up, or how you've missed out?
And so I started jogging again. And I finished.
Let me tell you, my knees ache, and walking up 3 flights of stairs after that jog was rough, but I did it. Another sticker on the calendar!
After my jog, I made dinner--stuffed burgers. I made 5 and froze 6. I ate 2 for dinner (2 points each) with some potatoes and veggies. Then I headed to the grocery store. Heck, I figured I was on a roll, might as well get some healthy food while I'm at it. I start my second job tomorrow, so I will have to pack two meals in the morning to eat while at work. So I decided to give homemade veggie soup a try. I've never made it before, and I didn't follow a recipe, so we'll see how it turns out. This is what I used:
Lean beef (a package of stew meat all ready cut, score!)
Carrots
Celery
1 large potato
Frozen Corn
Frozen Green Beans
Cabbage
Onion
1 can diced tomatoes (no salt added)
4 cups low sodium, fat free beef broth
1 tbsp garlic
I didn't add any other seasonings at this point, because I want to taste what the blend of veggies tastes like. I also tried to make this as low sodium as possible because while soup can be a really great low-point food, it can be really HIGH in sodium, which bloats me up & makes me retain water like no other! I put all that good stuff in the crock pot, and it's going to cook all night while I sleep in my comfy bed! Then tomorrow morning, I'll have soup for the next several days! I'll have to take a picture!
I'm really ready to be 100% on track with WW. I have only been about 70% on track for quite awhile now. And while that does give me results some of the time, it's not the results I could be achieving. I need to write down every single thing that goes in my mouth, like I was in the beginning, and I also need to continue with the activity. Exercising two times this week is amazing for me. I'm lucky if I exercise two times a month. I plan to do my third day of c25k on Friday, which is my day off. I'd also like to go to the gym for some strength training that day too if I've got time. Screw that, I'll make the time!
What do YOU commit to this week?
After weighing in, I came home & changed and hit the streets for day 2 of c25k. Today I actually did the 60/90 jog/walk rotation. Let me tell you, 60 seconds is a long time to run when you weigh 275 pounds and haven't run in about 5 years. After about 3 times jogging, I felt DEAD. I wanted to go home. I looked at the clock, and it had only been like 8 minutes! Out of 20! And then the next song in rotation started on my mp3 player. It's a song by Jimmy Eat World that always puts me in a good mood. It's got a good beat, a good tempo, I just like it. And the first lines of the song were perfect.
Are you gonna live your life wondering,
Standing in the back, looking around?
Are you gonna waste your life thinking,
How you've grown up, or how you've missed out?
And so I started jogging again. And I finished.
Let me tell you, my knees ache, and walking up 3 flights of stairs after that jog was rough, but I did it. Another sticker on the calendar!
After my jog, I made dinner--stuffed burgers. I made 5 and froze 6. I ate 2 for dinner (2 points each) with some potatoes and veggies. Then I headed to the grocery store. Heck, I figured I was on a roll, might as well get some healthy food while I'm at it. I start my second job tomorrow, so I will have to pack two meals in the morning to eat while at work. So I decided to give homemade veggie soup a try. I've never made it before, and I didn't follow a recipe, so we'll see how it turns out. This is what I used:
Lean beef (a package of stew meat all ready cut, score!)
Carrots
Celery
1 large potato
Frozen Corn
Frozen Green Beans
Cabbage
Onion
1 can diced tomatoes (no salt added)
4 cups low sodium, fat free beef broth
1 tbsp garlic
I didn't add any other seasonings at this point, because I want to taste what the blend of veggies tastes like. I also tried to make this as low sodium as possible because while soup can be a really great low-point food, it can be really HIGH in sodium, which bloats me up & makes me retain water like no other! I put all that good stuff in the crock pot, and it's going to cook all night while I sleep in my comfy bed! Then tomorrow morning, I'll have soup for the next several days! I'll have to take a picture!
I'm really ready to be 100% on track with WW. I have only been about 70% on track for quite awhile now. And while that does give me results some of the time, it's not the results I could be achieving. I need to write down every single thing that goes in my mouth, like I was in the beginning, and I also need to continue with the activity. Exercising two times this week is amazing for me. I'm lucky if I exercise two times a month. I plan to do my third day of c25k on Friday, which is my day off. I'd also like to go to the gym for some strength training that day too if I've got time. Screw that, I'll make the time!
What do YOU commit to this week?
Monday, March 10, 2008
Move it
Yesterday was the whole "set your clocks forward" situation. I can never remember if that's Daylight Savings Time, or if that means DST is ending... at any rate, it means it stays light outside for longer in the evening. So yesterday evening at about 7, I had nothing to do, and I thought I'd go for a walk. It wasn't too cold outside. I had on a long-sleeved shirt, pants, gloves, and a scarf, and I was comfy. I walked for about 5 minutes, and then something happened.
The spirit moved me!
I JOGGED.
Yes, you can pick your jaw up off the floor now!
I am participating in a 5K in June, and another friend of mine online is going to participate with me. She had left me a message saying she was starting the c25k training this week. I read that comment right before I left for my walk, and I thought about it while I was walking. I couldn't remember what amounts of time I was supposed to jog/walk for the first week, since I didn't go on this walk prepared to train. So, I just set my own amount & stuck with it. I jogged for 30 sec, walked for 60. When I got home and looked at the schedule, I saw that week one is actually 60/90, but oh well. I still freaking JOGGED.
A few months ago, back in my early WW days, I was walking consistently in the mornings before work. There was one entry I wrote about where I decided to jog, and I was able to for about a block before feeling like I was gonna die. Let me just tell you that it was SO much easier this time!!! It did get harder as I got near the end of my session, but I kept going regardless. I didn't keep track of the time, but my estimate is that I did this for about 15-20 min, plus a warm up/cool down for a few minutes on each end. It's a start though!
I will admit, my joints are a little sore today. Specifically my knees. I didn't notice it until I went down the stairs on my way to work today. But it's OK, it's a good ache.
The spirit moved me!
I JOGGED.
Yes, you can pick your jaw up off the floor now!
I am participating in a 5K in June, and another friend of mine online is going to participate with me. She had left me a message saying she was starting the c25k training this week. I read that comment right before I left for my walk, and I thought about it while I was walking. I couldn't remember what amounts of time I was supposed to jog/walk for the first week, since I didn't go on this walk prepared to train. So, I just set my own amount & stuck with it. I jogged for 30 sec, walked for 60. When I got home and looked at the schedule, I saw that week one is actually 60/90, but oh well. I still freaking JOGGED.
A few months ago, back in my early WW days, I was walking consistently in the mornings before work. There was one entry I wrote about where I decided to jog, and I was able to for about a block before feeling like I was gonna die. Let me just tell you that it was SO much easier this time!!! It did get harder as I got near the end of my session, but I kept going regardless. I didn't keep track of the time, but my estimate is that I did this for about 15-20 min, plus a warm up/cool down for a few minutes on each end. It's a start though!
I will admit, my joints are a little sore today. Specifically my knees. I didn't notice it until I went down the stairs on my way to work today. But it's OK, it's a good ache.
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